Facing the holidays alone- some of the challenges

Yesterday, I had a fairly busy day. After waiting to get my to do list done in the am, I realized the list was not going to get done and abandoned it to the bin of mislaid plans. Took a dughter sho

Looking for the escape clause.............

         

  “And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.”

          Reflecting on what 'temptation' means to me I look back to when I was younger. When I was young,  temptation to me encompassed a whole lot of behaviors that were against the will of my parents. I often questioned, (verbally and silently), “Why can’t I go there with my friends? What’s so wrong with what they are doing?” I longed to be popular in High School and it seemed like almost everything the popular kids did I wasn't allowed to do.

          I remember once in high school, going to a friend’s house and sneaking out to the High School dance. It seemed so awesome to me. The loud rock music, the dancing, the joking around with boys seemed like so much fun!! I danced my heart out, quelling the nagging fears that kept surfacing in my brain, “Oh boy, am I ever going to get into trouble if my parents find out!”

          Part way into the dance I looked across the darkened dance floor of the gymnasium and saw the tall image of my dad enter. He was dressed in a suit and raincoat having just come from work, “Oh, oh,” I told myself, “I better hide.” Well, I wasn't very good at hiding and my dad waited outside the girl’s bathroom until I was ready to give up. Finally out I came and together we walked to the car and the long ride home. I was furious! “How dare my father embarrass me like that? There wasn't anything wrong with dancing, at all.”

          Unfortunately for me the next few years, (ok, more than a few years) were a succession of me trying and doing things that my parents told me were bad for me. I embraced the hippy lifestyle, ran away to the outskirts of San Francisco and pretty much threw away any good sense I ever had. The pain I caused myself and my parents was astronomical and the refuse of the mistakes I made have had life-long consequences.

          So, what did I learn from all of this?  Well, I learned that doing whatever you want in life comes with a price. I learned that right and wrong are concepts that have a tangible reality that exists way beyond situational ethics that explain away any sense of moral obligation to adhere to a code of behavior. 

          I am learning now more slowly, that healing can come through seeking a closer relationship with God. That the mercy and kindness He shows those who turn to Him in honesty is invaluable to life and self-acceptance of mistakes made that can forever not be undone.

          At 64, I no longer want to run away and seek life on the wild side. (I’m sure my kids are grateful for this on some levels.) But my temptations are more in the nature of emotions and thoughts. I am tempted to despair at times when I wait and wait and wait for answers to prayers. I am tempted to anger at times when people are unkind, cruel or disrespectful to me. I am tempted to “give up” on people if after multiple attempts on my part to show them love and kindness they don’t seem to respond.  I am tempted to be afraid if I look to the future and I do not know what is going to happen.

          Do these kinds of temptations come under the auspices of, I Corinthians 10:13? Will God show me a way out, or escape clause to avoid all of these feelings and actions so I don’t have to give in to them? And just how will I find that way of escape? Hmmm…. In practice, I've found this takes some doing.

         

 These are some of the things I know I can continue to do to keep  building a hedge of protection around my inner life.

1.  Keep reading my Bible daily
2.  Go to church, (this isn't always that easy to do, I’m just saying.)
3.   Read daily devotionals to help keep me centered
4.  Try to avoid listening to gossip. (This requires work in my life, I’m trying to stop, but it draws me in.)
5.   Claim promises from the Bible regarding the faithfulness of God
6.   Pray daily for my family, and the individuals I know
7.   Pray for the people with whom I am struggling
8.   Try to get exercise. (Another area I am struggling with. I was doing so well and then becoming an empty-nester after 41 years of raising kids sort of threw me in a loop.)
9.  Read inspirational sayings. (I have some Face Book friends who post wonderful messages of hope and encouragement. Reading these is a comfort.)
10.  Work on building relationships with the positive people in my life I do have
11.  Work on forgiving others – (this requires on my part, praying because often I just don’t feel “forgiving”.  I feel anger, resentment, bitterness and irritation. I have to ask God to help me forgive. I have to often pray about the situation and person again and again before I get a sense of being able to accept whatever it is they’ve done, and see them through the eyes of God.  This takes work and a willingness to ‘let go’.)
12.  Remember how God has helped me in the past through difficult times when I get fearful about the future.
13. Be more careful about the decisions I make now. Try to not act on impulse.
14. Get advice from people I respect. (This is crucial because I’ve discovered that the part of me that gets angry when people are being disrespectful is likely to react. Reacting is never a good first choice unless it’s a medical emergency. You need to take time and weigh your response. Getting advice from people I respect helps me slow this process down.
15. Continue to ask God to show me where I need to grow.
16. Apologize if I've done something wrong. (My awareness of being wrong doesn't always appear automatically to me. Sometimes it takes time for me to see this.)
17. Learn to avoid people who delight in creating conflict as much as possible. (The fact of the matter is for some people creating drama is part of what they do on a regular basis. They enjoy it. It’s kind of a hobby for them. At some point when I identify who those people are and I try to minimize my contact with them so they don’t draw me into their web.)
18. Try to avoid ‘self-pity.’ (I work on this by counting my blessings, which are many. I try to be thankful for everything I do have, not mourn what I do not have.)
19. Try to be helpful to others when I can.
20.  Try to be a good listener
21.  When with someone with whom there are some ‘dark parts of history’ I attempt not to bring up the past. (This is a work in progress).
22.  I don’t watch a movies or television that promotes violence or evil (the whole old ‘garbage in/garbage out’ self-care).
23.  Remember that, ‘there but for the Grace of God go I’.
24.  Accept that not everyone loves God
25.  Realize that for many people they were raised in a family where they were taught to lie and manipulate; only God can change a lifetime of deceit. (Forgive them and realize, “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23
26. Believe that His compassions fail not. His mercies are new every morning. Lamentations 3:22-23
27.  I can also sing, praise God, play music, listen to uplifting music
28.  Working on hobbies or a project helps
29.  Calling, texting, emailing or Face Booking a friend helps
30. Making plans for the future encourages me
31. Writing out my thoughts is a comfort
32. Going for a drive to a nature site
33. Visiting a museum
34. Going to a fun movie
35. Taking a walk
36. Riding my bike
37. Walking along the river, lake or ocean.
38. Baking
39. Shopping
40. Drinking coffee in the morning

      When all of the above fails, and I am feeling sad and blue about my life I pray, and I pray, and I pray. I ask others to pray. And I wait and God is faithful and after a while I feel encouraged and gain the strength to keep going. The courage I lacked to face the future returns and I gain acceptance of the parts of my life that tend to be a discouragement. But the prayer is the essential part of my ‘escape clause’. I like the verse, “Pray without ceasing.”   Prayer is my ‘escape clause, it is my ‘life-preserver.’

     Whatever you are facing in this season of your life I strongly encourage you to seek God, pray, read the Bible and look for people who will help you weather the storm.

“Weeping may endure for the night, but joy will come in the morning.”

         

Through the windowpane...........

      At age 19 I entered Canada as an illegal immigrant, accompanied by my draft-dodging husband. It was fall, the sun was still shining, the trees adorned with the beauty of red, golden leaves. It was an adventure.

We drove North trying to find a place to settle. Calgary was a bustle of people and businesses but nothing seemed to be open to us. We continued North through the hills and mountains, car packed to the hilt, young, well and strong.

Edmonton, Alberta was a huge metropolis. Industry, large buildings, masses of people filling the side-walks in the first blasts of winter weather. Hundreds of bundled European immigrants huddled around store fronts. Women with head scarves, old woolen coats and layers of sweaters looked out with with dark eyes with the haunting look of need and want.  Men with worn and torn clothing wore days of bearded stubble with an air of hopelessness woven into the fabric of their existence. 

I should have seen all these signs and realized I was not running away from the draft but into a culture where poverty was running rampant and the last place I would find shelter was where a country struggled to cope with an already too full census of immigrants. But, youth and the blind eyes of people who have never known want, or need kept stubbornly on pressing into the quickly freezing city.

    A search through local newspapers and we found a small ad, few words, small apartment for rent, and an address. We stopped here and there, asking directions, trying to find English speaking people to help.  We finally found an older two story home with a large desolate looking porch. We knocked loudly and in response, a short, stout dark-haired man appeared. He spoke no English and through a series of hand signs, and gesturing towards the newspaper ad the communications were made. The man waved us into the home and took us up their stairs to an empty small apartment carved into their home. 

     My husband and the home owner somehow determined a price and money exchanged hands and we unloaded our car and entered our temporary shelter. It seemed fun. Small kitchen, large claw foot tub in the bathroom and an ancient linoleum floor patterned in an old world theme. The windows in the home with old, wood-framed ones with two windows. I had never seen windows like that being raised in the temperate climate of the Pacific Northwest.  But it was new, and therefore interesting to me.

     The weather continued to turn colder. Waves of deep, bone chilling cold blanketing the earth with an intensity of cold I had never experienced. Snow came and blanketed the earth with a fresh coating of thick, white softness. My husband found a part-time job under the table in a nearby gas station. We quickly discovered we didn't have the clothing for the deepening freezing temperatures. As part of our car load we had brought a radio and seeking through the stations we found an English speaking one where temperatures were reported at 60 below freezing with the wind chill factor.

     It wasn't starting to be all that fun as we discovered food alone was shrinking our money, (my bank savings) and the future looked bleak. One morning, alone in the empty apartment I stood looking out the back window, trying to see through the lacing of ice coating the panes of glass. In the tracings the ice made even here was beauty, intricate designs of ice crystals.  Outside, I could see the remnants of their back-yard garden, laying waste under the frozen blanket of snow and ice. The city-scape, smoky peaks of old homes hugging the earth trying to find warmth were lit by the sun. illuminating the earth with a heartless light. 

     "God", I breathed a prayer. "Where are you in all this mess?"  There was no answer except the quiet of the morning and the silence of the frozen garden.

I feel like that now in a way, decades past, over 45 years ago to be exact. I am looking out a window on a frozen world, and I no longer young and strong am wondering what the future holds. So many responsibilities tug at me, so many undone chores, so many problems. 

     My Bible, my comfort sits at my house away from where I am staying. I meant to take it, but forgot it in my rush to pack up and leave;  and I miss my daily reading. I know God is still here, He isn't confined to the walls that comprise my home but is everywhere, (omnipresent). 

     I know: "His strength is sufficient for me, His grace is made perfect in weakness."  2 Corinthians 12:9,  but. still and all, my window to the world looks out onto a frozen world where alone I face a future where old age, want and need approach with a quickening pace. 

     Help me Lord in this season of my life to remember that just as you were with me in Canada, all those years ago, you will be with me now, aging, cold and in Oregon. I have food, I have clothes, I have a place to stay. Help me to count my blessings and to learn how to keep helping where I can and am able.

    Thank you God, that even looking through a window of my world veiled with frozen events of life and struggles, you are there.

    Someday, there will be joy in the morning, whether in this world or the next.