Well, July was for me a month of changes. Different
job, different hours. Stepping out onto the waters of the unknown trusting,
(well actually trying to trust) that God will sustain me and enable me to do
the things I need to do. There were a few bright moments in the month; a
couple camping trips; the smile of grandchildren; trips to the beach. Over-all,
I quit exercising to the degree I have been; and ate more. All of which adds up
to a weight gain of six pounds. Yikers.
I am unwilling to keep going in this direction. The
strength and endurance I gained in this last year of exercising was hard won.
The 40 pounds I lost were victories of daily making better choices. So……. I
will begin again, to begin again. The last few days of July are upon us. Even the
summer days, laying hot in the bright sun have a chill in the air as night
falls. Yesterday, an afternoon drive to the beach saw me, an avid beach walker
go to the comfort of the van to sit and admire the waves. As we parked the van
at the overlook, three seniors in hover-rounds (electric wheel-chairs) where
there, admiring the waves, bundled up. I should have seen them and realized all
too soon, those days will be upon me and perhaps chair bound I will long for
the days of being able to hike, and beach-comb. However, that day, I just
wanted to sit.
I had gone to my beloved Weight Watchers meeting
that morning to find out some unpleasant news, my leaders had been told they
would be replaced by some “new faces”. The two ladies who have anchored these
meetings have been there for a number of years. I’ve joined, I’ve quit, I’ve
lost, I’ve gained; but always they’ve been there with smiling faces,
encouraging words. Over my struggle with food they’ve been a support for me,
people who don’t berate me but encourage me to begin again to begin again. To
never give up. I will miss them, and it makes me feel sad.
I also miss my friend from my old job. He and I
walked many noon hours sharing discussions about God and end times. We walked
through woods in spring, summer, winter and fall. We admired the first flowers,
the red tint of the late fall leaves. I miss him and I miss our walks. At my
new job I’ve trundled out 3-4 days over the last three weeks. I walked down to
the in-city lake and found several spots to admire the large trees, the water
and the blossoming lilies. A few white geese, and peaceful ducks shared their
home with me as I relaxed and tried to re-group for the learning curve the new
job is presenting.
But, between the lake and I there are blocks of city
streets with lights, and noise and people coming and going, coming and going. I
find myself resenting the street lights and the waiting, waiting, waiting for
them to signal walk. An urge to “Jay-walk” comes upon me repeatedly but I so
far am resisting the urge. So, as the new month is ushered in, I will begin
with new resolve to tackle my “getting fit” program. I don’t believe I will
continue to go to Weight Watchers. My leaders are gone, the meeting itself it
moving to an old building and at this point I’m looking for other options. My
medical insurance will begin this week. One of the absolute God blessings of
the new job. They pay for my medical. I chose Kaiser coverage and I know they
offer “fitness” programs. I will check those out.
One of my children is getting fit; running several
times a week. Doing some high-intensity work-out. She ran a 5k recently which
went up and down a number of steep hills. Maybe I can walk with her while she
runs? Don’t know but I do know this, “ I want to wake up feeling excited about
my days again. Eating too much and not getting enough exercise has impacted my
life. Instead of offering “freedom” the lack of discipline set me back a few
paces.
So, now, I set my mind and I prepare. My daily
devotions continue. Over the last month I added something different. I’m
reading the Bible from beginning to end, a chapter a day. So many wonderful
stories. So many times where God communicated with man, and when man goofed up,
how God was willing to help and restore. I have just finished reading about
Joseph. Beautiful story with a happy ending. But, through it all a lot of
suffering. Accepting that suffering and trials are part of life and not
shirking or running away from them has been a continual challenge in my life.
Accepting that pain, work, frustrations come even when you want to do what’s
right is a lesson hard learned. My new job is difficult. New processes, new
people, new dynamics. I had a headache for three days while I struggled with
the electronic medical record keeping system. And, something new for me the
people who work there are very close knit. They interface continually,
through-out the day.
Where I’ve been working over the last 3.5 years, for
most of the day I “did my thing”. Lecturing, 1x1’s, groups, paper processing.
Somedays I only said “hello to a few folks and kept my head down and worked
hard. It was that busy.
My new job is on a different time scale. People talk
to each other. Some of the workers seeing my puzzled face have tried to explain
it to me. Things are done differently, the dynamic among workers is relational,
not point a to point b. Oh there are crunch times, but in the main, it is a
much slower pace. I’m trying to adapt, and learn a new record keeping system,
and get to know the clients. I am still at the “pressure cooker” stage. There
is so much I don’t know. So many questions I have. It’s embarrassing not to
know, and humbling. All of which makes me want to comfort myself with food.
Which is NOT working. I’m gaining weight and I know where that goes, been
there, done that.
So, here I am beginning again, to begin again. To those of you out there struggling to start-over, welcome aboard! Life is good and God is a constant source of help and love. God is a very present help in time of need. I need Him now to help me get excited about this project. I'm in a blah state of mind about the efforts and work I need to take. I will pray, I will ask, and I will not GIVE UP. Much of life is just not giving up.
Join me, share your thoughts. Take care and be blessed.
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