Serendipitious

January 1, 2014

        

New Year, 365 days spread out before me, untouched, unlived. Like everyone else, I have no guarantee of getting those days, they come one at a time, unbought, free gifts waiting to be unwrapped. Today, I am here, a gray Northwest winter morning, chilly, damp, clouds masking the skies with blankets of softness.

         I have the day off work, a luxury I am treasuring. Woke up pre-dawn and reminded myself I could still sleep, sinking back into the depth of warm quilts and soft pillows. Once awake, the fragrant smell of fresh-ground coffee beans welcomes me to my day. Three teenagers, having “x-boxed” the night away send their echoing good morning laughs up the stairs. I barely saw or heard from them except when they would come up to get more pizza, or chips and nacho cheese. At midnight however, they joined the rest of the gathered family to watch the count down to the New Year. Me, sleeping on and off in my recliner was woken up with, “Gramma, Mom, Robin, wake up its New Years!!”

        

             Then the joy of watching a four year old grandson discover the keyboard I’d gotten him and his brother for Christmas. Him trying out the keys, then preforming elaborate dance routines, complete with bows. Then after a few dramatic statements of, “New Years makes me sad”, finally joining in the festivities and yelling out the back deck door, “Happy New Year!”

         An evening rich with food, family, safety. Watching Jeopardy with my youngest daughter, her finally winning after me giving her a surprising run for the money. Catching bits and pieces of the movie “Walli”. The grandkids, Kindles, computers set up, Lincoln logs, Walkie Talkies, running jumping, busy.  Just a comfortable way to usher in the New Year.

         After writing dozens of blogs last year, I didn’t plan anything to solemnize the New Year. At work, I had prepared a handout for the clients. We went over resolutions, the importance of goal setting, the SMART system of goal setting. We looked at how their personhood involves systems of physical, spiritual, emotionally, relational, educational, and recovery. We analyzed the effects of drugs and alcohol on their ability to want to make goals, and the need to make goals in spite of the “blahs” that occur in early recovery.

         The kids asked me last week, how come we can’t come here (treatment) and just watch movies? I gave them an illustration of a person who was malnourished to the point of dying unless they were fed  carefully with nutrient rich foods. How unethical would that be if when faced with that scenario I told them, “Hey there’s some breakfast cereal (sugar-laden) over there, eat that.” If I didn’t follow the Dr’s orders and give them the foods they needed they could die.

        

It’s the same way when people are trying to quit drugs and alcohol use. Their use impacts their lives creating chaos in all the systems of their lives. Unless I as their counselor try to provide them with as much opportunity to learn and change as I can, I would be depriving them of the chance to maybe, just maybe get and stay clean and sober. There are no miracle cures in recovery, but there are some things that contribute to a greater chance of quitting use. I focus on those things in my groups and in 1x1 sessions.

         My own life, well, this last year has taught me that heart-break has the potential to derail my good intentions of reaching my goals. For a number of months I was very dedicated to getting fit. I ate right, I exercised. I made significant progress. Then mid-year, some catastrophic things happened in the lives of people I love. I was knocked for a loop and in the six months remaining I essentially threw away my good habits and lost the motivation to keep on my fitness goals.

      

   Slowly, ever so slowly, the desire is creeping back to begin again, to begin again. I know I can’t control what happens in the lives of people I know. I know I can’t control the weather, the economy, or even whether or not I develop some unexpected disease or illness.

         My love of my family, and wanting to be in close, happy relationship to all of them is my Achilles heel. It is here that I am at my weakest.  Maybe it’s a mom thing.  There are mom’s however, who have had “wayward” children and they stay focused, keep on track and have “successful” lives. I however limped through many months of last year with an ever-present awareness of the ache in my heart for my children and grandchildren who are still struggling with serious issues in their lives.

         So, has anything changed this last month?  Have several of those relationships been healed, changed? No, they haven’t. I’ve been focusing on appreciating the family I still have who are trying to do right; to connect with God, family, society, and me. I also have some people in my life at  my job who are kind, funny and supportive. They have their own issues with life, health and family, God, but as they share their struggles it helps me to understand, I am not alone. Family problems throw many people in an unhappy place.

         So, New Year, I begin again, continuing to read my Bible, to have my morning devotions. Continuing to keep a home for myself and my one remaining child. Continuing to work, continuing to go to church, just continuing.

         C.S. Lewis wrote a book I read years ago, Surprised by Joy. As I remember it, he was going along in his own life, continuing, not triumphing, not joyus, but continuing, attempting to be faithful to his responsibilities. He met someone and fell in love, unexpectedly.

         Well, I don’t anticipate falling in love, unexpectedly at this stage of the game, (63) but maybe something unexpectedly good will happen. That would be nice.  Like watching my young grandson dance and sing and realizing he is talented, creative.

         When young there was a word in vogue, serendipity. I think it was a made up word of sorts, it means, something good, unexpected.

         I think my word for 2014 will be Serendipity. Yep, that’s what I’m going to choose. To Believe that I’m going to have a serendipitous New Year. God in my heart, hope in my being.  I love the verse:

         His compassions fail not, they are new every morning.  I continue on, God is faithful. 

           Someday I will wake up, surprised by

         Joy in the Morning.