Sitting at my dining room table
surveying a wonderland of white, blanketing my world with layers of a soft,
deep cushion of snow. I have been housebound for three days, watching out my
windows as wave upon wave of snow drifted down changing the landscape. A few
birds are out, calling from treetops, wondering where the land went, searching
for food on a few bare branches. A brave soul or two slip-slides down the hill,
of unplowed road, now layered with a coat of shining ice.
I love this large window, huge with
trees and hills and broad expanse of sky giving me access to a wonderful,
winter land vistas. Spring, summer, fall and winter I do not tire of looking
out this window; fortunate to be able to see so many trees and hill that change
their seasonal wardrobes. Now, clothes in white, they are picture postcard
perfect. Briefly I wish I owned a camera with a panoramic capability since my
own camera only catches small glimpses of the beauty. 
The sun breaks through a small patch
of gray skies making me realize how fortunate I am to be able to still see, in
spite of age, failing eye sight and unsuccessful eye surgery. It is morning
here and the news reports ask people to stay home, off the roads, safely tucked
away until the big thaw predicted sometime tomorrow. I am here, having had to
abandon my car three days ago some 15 miles from my home at the start of the
blizzard. I caught a ride from a son-in-law who stuck to the road in spite of
multiple, careless pick-up trucks careering past, creating a white out
condition for us and sending us periously close to the road edge. A half mile
from my home I had to walk through the dark, and deep snow up the hill to my
home. I fell once, scarlily and watched my cell phone fly out of my hand into
the drifts. Digging through the snow I
trucked on, shaken, and more careful then before. How glad I was to
finally see my strong young grandson walking through the drifts coming down a
hill to meet me, offering me his arm to anchor me as we trudged up the worst of
the hill together. Whew, cold, dark, shaken, I finally got home and retreated
to my chair, piles of blankets finally
chasing the bone chill.
I have been struggling with another
kind of deep chill recently as I experienced the loss of someone I knew through
suicide. Tragic beyond words all I can do is pray that God will surround the
family with His care, His compassion, His mercy. I cannot imagine losing
someone so tragically. As a child, a young brother in law, only 18, hung
himself and devastation, pain and shock of his death impacted me and I can
remember running, crying out of the funeral unable to stand it. The only hope
of surviving losses of that magnitude can be reaching desperately to God for
divine help in coping with the grief. Sorrow, loss, still must hurt beyond
belief.
I continue to pray, that is all I can
do. The nightmares, loss of sleep I’m
experiencing are so slight compared to the loss of the family. Very briefly I
considered going to my physician and getting something to help me sleep. I tossed
out that answer and have decided to focus on rekindling my commitment to
exercise. I pray and read my Bible, that I will continue, along with
reintroducing fasting. I admit, I don’t
understand how fasting works, but as I read through the Bible, (presently in
Ezra) I see that in difficult times saints of old fasted. Well, I don’t think
of myself as a saint, but I want to find direction, healing and wisdom and it
seems like part of a Bible plan that fasting is one way to clear your heart and
soul before God, and so I am fasting. Not telling anyone in the present, but
just doing it.
My plan is to start walking more
during my lunch at work. The cold and wet will force me to walk indoors, but
that’s ok. I will begin, trucking through the Mall, not taking any money so the
sales don’t lure me in.
I love watching In Touch on TV.
Today, it was a message that celebrated the awesome privilege of claiming God’s
promises. The sermon centered on how
Joshua forged ahead, claiming God’s promises and was courageous. I can only be
courageous in my own life by holding onto God’s hand as tightly as I can and
claiming that He will continue to strengthen me and give me His wisdom.
Another day or so confined to my home
by snow and ice then back to work where I need so much Godly wisdom and love…..and
courage.
To each of you wherever you are; seek
to know God, through His son Jesus and continue to discover His Mercy, Grace
and never-ending love.
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