Hello to all,
I am here in a mall in a small Washington town. After a week of no rain, the skies are threatening and I know the weekend will be a soggy one. I just went to my Weight Watchers meeting after a week of too much work, too many clients and many days of working through lunch; long hours, longer commute. After a loss of 4 pounds last week, this week I gained 1.2. It was a difficult week, and this is reflected in my weight.
I was talking with a family member this morning about the fact that having knowledge about millions of suffering people somehow doesn't help me with my attitude about things in my own life. You would think it would, wouldn't you? I gave a lecture about AIDS and the 2009 facts I had were at that time 29 million children world-wide had AIDS. I can't imagine the suffering those numbers represent, how many kids in pain, hopeless, and dying.
It's amazing to me that I can even complain about being over-worked, or not getting to go to Disney World. How can it be possible that my values are so skewed that the sheer enormity of my life of blessings opposed to so many others life of suffering doesn't move me to my knees to thank God for my blessings?
I'm not sure where my spirit of gratitude went, but I think maybe sheer exhaustion impacts the human spirit's ability to look for the good, to be thankful for blessings.
Some eight months ago I began this blog with the intention of sharing my journey in reclaiming my physical fitness It's been strange how the holistic nature of life has become interwoven with this journey. At present, I am still pursuing a healthier lifestyle but have encountered a few bumps in the road. When pushed by circumstances outside of my control, my routines suffer and I have the experience of taking some steps back.
Recouping from these failures means, picking myself up, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and maybe, just maybe choosing some new directions for my life. The routine of church continues, as does my Bible reading and prayers. I am hesitant to take action to change circumstances too quickly, but, at this point I am praying for change.
If at all possible, I think finding a balance between work, home and family would be a good thing for me. If I am spending 12.5 hours of my days, five days a week, and am worn out to the point of stopping my exercise, recreational activities, is this a good thing? I know there are millions of people who are caught in the same rat race of long hours, hard work just to keep a home, food, and all the other things going. However, maybe somehow I can change this scenario for my life.
Reading in Proverbs 16:9 today, I read, "A person's mind plans their way, but God orders their steps." I like the phrase, but God. Right now in my life, my prayers are that God will intervene and show me a way out of this current path where I'm exhausted all the time. I would like to be with family and friends, not sitting in a chair, falling asleep, waking to work again.
God is good, and I have a three day weekend. I am very grateful. I was offered over-time for working another day, on top of the week I had already worked, but I turned it down. How useful is a couple of hundred dollars if you're sitting in an easy chair dozing off too tired to even do life? Not much, so I turned it down with a thank you.
I believe that this awareness I'm developing about just how challenging work can be will help me be more understanding to others who are on a similar treadmill, or perhaps an even harder one. I must keep in mind that there are so many people, even wanting and lacking food to eat, I am blessed beyond measure at this time. I will cultivate a spirit of thanksgiving to realize even in my hardships I am so truly blessed.
So, three days to re-evaluate, and perhaps with God's help come up with a revised life plan. I will keep you posted. Never, never, never give up, today might be the day your weeping will end and joy will come in the morning. Be blessed.
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