It’s dark
here, early, before dawn. I awoke at 4 am, wide awake, ready to start my day.
Coffee started, devotions read, I made two large pans of brownies, cherry
jello, washed dishes and clothes.
This week
has been somewhat different for me. I am venturing out in new areas and it’s a
little daunting. Who knew that so many emotions could be evoked? It is as if a sea of emotions is floating
around inside me waiting to be tapped by this experience or that. As I begin to
look more seriously at how these emotions impact my eating I’m realizing more
and more that many times when I’m eating I’m not all that hungry, but
experiencing some emotion I don’t like.
Maybe I’m frustrated, tired, angry, upset, feeling rejected, betrayed,
used, rejected, unliked, unloved, annoyed, and the list goes on and so I eat.
Part
of my commitment to renewal is to involve myself more with people. To be
willing to get involved, even though it’s can be sticky with their feelings,
their emotions, their reactions etc. I’m having more meetings with people; I’m
joining more groups to work on “stuff”, I’m starting a group to work on life.
I’m spending more time with family, even though that means opening myself up to
their issues with me. Learning to not always say what I think, to allow them to
be who they are (even though at times it’s very painful) is all part of my commitment to be who God wants me
to be.
If I
didn’t sense God in my life, being there, with compassion and care for me I
know I couldn’t do some of these things without “speaking my mind.” In the
past, “speaking my mind” hasn’t contributed much to enabling others to work
through their own ‘seas of emotions.’'
I’ve
been blessed, God has given me so much time with Him to pray, think, read my
Bible. Some of that time, the 4 year 2.5 hour daily commute, was my wilderness
experience. Oh I don’t think I’ve metaphorically have arrived at the ‘Promised
Land’ so to speak but for me I’m light years away from the me I used to be. The
journey was painful, it was long, it was lonely but in that wilderness journey
God has been near to strengthen me and comfort me and to temper my emotions.
I’m not
as tossed by the emotions as I once was. Oh now and then, something will come
up and startle me, a squall of discovering that it’s important to me that I
really do need to belong somewhere. I really do need to be loved and respected
and appreciated. Well
at 63 I’m not willing to return to the pitfall of looking for “love in all the
wrong places” and so I’m engaging in positive alternative solutions
I’m not
(I repeat, son-in-law of mine) I’m not seeking a romantic relationship, I’m
seeking a fellowship with other like-minded believers where Jesus Christ is the
central focus of our lives. Where meaning and purpose is defined by who we are
as children of God. Not in some kind of a cultish, weird kind of kool-aid
drinking frenzy. But in a real, daily, step by step of living life as a
Christian who loves the Lord and wants their life to be a testimony of His
love, His grace, His gifts.
So, I am
joining and creating groups with this view in mind, to minister and be
ministered to. To be part of the Body of Christ where diverse people have
unique gifting’s of love, peace, humor, wisdom, kindness, humility, purpose and
passion.
And so
the brownies, not for me, to feed my emotional needs, but to share along with
Taco Salad after church at a planning meeting for the group I’m trying to
start. Oh yes, some little annoying fears come in that I’ll be eating that Taco
salad for dinner all week because no one will come. But then, I’ve prayed, if
no one comes then that’s ok. The group wasn’t meant to be. I will look
elsewhere to find Christian people who want to join together to have fun,
fellowship and go places and do things.
If some people do come, I will pray that
God’s love will shine through me and I can be a kind, considerate, compassion
“hostess” to help facilitate this grouping of like-minded souls who would like
to be together. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
Also
this week I’ll be going to a weekend training up in the woods near Randall,
Washington. We’ll be staying in a dorm and having classes about unifying body,
mind and spirit. Now I have to admit that it sounds a little Existentialish.
But I’m willing to go, to meet a lot of different counselors from all over the
State who will be there. I am willing to see what I can learn to help the kids
I work with. And maybe, just maybe, I can enjoy the beautiful setting, the
mess-hall meals and getting to know the two younger women who are also going
from our agency. It will be an Adventure.
Oh and
that reminds me, I named the group I’m trying to start, FUN, (Fellowship,
Understanding and finding New adventures.) And oh yes, if it gets off the
ground, so to speak, I’ll be driving the fun
bus, (aka the church van) taking people here and there, zoo, beach, train
rides, shopping, hay rides, pumpkin patch………. We’ll see.
I love
the train at Disney World, especially when the conductor loudly calls,
“Allllll a Board!!!!!!!” Maybe I’ll do that if the fun bus gets
rolling…..maybe. LOL.
God is
good and prayer changes things.
One thing
with God, life is not boring.
Love you all, may your days be blessed with
the knowledge that God is there, He hears, He cares and wants to hold your
right hand through your valleys of weeping until, someday you will find your
own,
Joy in the Morning.
Update: well 10
singles; 1 kid and 2 couples attended the dinner. We were able to visit, eat
and plan. The church van is going to be fitted with a ramp, hopefully, so
walker-bound folks can get in and out without risking their necks.
Lots of ideas for
things to do and see. Train rides, parks, museums, dinners, game nights,
pumpkin patch trips, fall leaves rides up the Gorge, Christmas lights, zoo. One lady, Judy, had a list almost identical to
my own. Input, feedback, and a short to the coast trip planned for the last
Saturday of September. Goal is to have a take-along lunch planned. Camp stoves,
pans, and hot cocoa fixings. Maybe, weather permitting a campfire at Fort
Stevens and some S’mores. We’ll see.
Encouraging to see that there are others like me wanting to go places as a
group and just have some fellowship and fun. The visiting couples did ALL the
clean up, wow, I figured I’d be there a couple hours. All and all a good time.
I have to spend some
time writing the objectives for the group; its mission statement, design a
logo, (visions of T-shirts dancing in my head and it’s not even Christmas,) set
out some guidelines for medical emergencies, emotional crisis etc. All stuff I love to do, as I joke at work,
“I’m getting my Nerd on.” (You’d have to be there, it’s funnier in person.)
Two
little grandson’s are playing Play Dough, eating, watching TV and generally
just being adorable. Time for me to kick back a little and rest. Up since 4 I’m
a little tired………………. Happy week to you all.