Day 16 of 40 days of renewal

   It’s dark here, early, before dawn. I awoke at 4 am, wide awake, ready to start my day. Coffee started, devotions read, I made two large pans of brownies, cherry jello, washed dishes and clothes.

       This week has been somewhat different for me. I am venturing out in new areas and it’s a little daunting. Who knew that so many emotions could be evoked?  It is as if a sea of emotions is floating around inside me waiting to be tapped by this experience or that. As I begin to look more seriously at how these emotions impact my eating I’m realizing more and more that many times when I’m eating I’m not all that hungry, but experiencing some emotion I don’t like.  Maybe I’m frustrated, tired, angry, upset, feeling rejected, betrayed, used, rejected, unliked, unloved, annoyed, and the list goes on and so I eat.

         Part of my commitment to renewal is to involve myself more with people. To be willing to get involved, even though it’s can be sticky with their feelings, their emotions, their reactions etc. I’m having more meetings with people; I’m joining more groups to work on “stuff”, I’m starting a group to work on life. I’m spending more time with family, even though that means opening myself up to their issues with me. Learning to not always say what I think, to allow them to be who they are (even though at times it’s very painful) is all  part of my commitment to be who God wants me to be.

       If I didn’t sense God in my life, being there, with compassion and care for me I know I couldn’t do some of these things without “speaking my mind.” In the past, “speaking my mind” hasn’t contributed much to enabling others to work through their own ‘seas of emotions.’'

         I’ve been blessed, God has given me so much time with Him to pray, think, read my Bible. Some of that time, the 4 year 2.5 hour daily commute, was my wilderness experience. Oh I don’t think I’ve metaphorically have arrived at the ‘Promised Land’ so to speak but for me I’m light years away from the me I used to be. The journey was painful, it was long, it was lonely but in that wilderness journey God has been near to strengthen me and comfort me and to temper my emotions.

      I’m not as tossed by the emotions as I once was. Oh now and then, something will come up and startle me, a squall of discovering that it’s important to me that I really do need to belong somewhere. I really do need to be loved and respected and appreciated.   Well at 63 I’m not willing to return to the pitfall of looking for “love in all the wrong places” and so I’m engaging in positive alternative solutions

     I’m not (I repeat, son-in-law of mine) I’m not seeking a romantic relationship, I’m seeking a fellowship with other like-minded believers where Jesus Christ is the central focus of our lives. Where meaning and purpose is defined by who we are as children of God. Not in some kind of a cultish, weird kind of kool-aid drinking frenzy. But in a real, daily, step by step of living life as a Christian who loves the Lord and wants their life to be a testimony of His love, His grace, His gifts.

    So, I am joining and creating groups with this view in mind, to minister and be ministered to. To be part of the Body of Christ where diverse people have unique gifting’s of love, peace, humor, wisdom, kindness, humility, purpose and passion.

         And so the brownies, not for me, to feed my emotional needs, but to share along with Taco Salad after church at a planning meeting for the group I’m trying to start. Oh yes, some little annoying fears come in that I’ll be eating that Taco salad for dinner all week because no one will come. But then, I’ve prayed, if no one comes then that’s ok. The group wasn’t meant to be. I will look elsewhere to find Christian people who want to join together to have fun, fellowship and go places and do things.

      If some people do come, I will pray that God’s love will shine through me and I can be a kind, considerate, compassion “hostess” to help facilitate this grouping of like-minded souls who would like to be together. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

        Also this week I’ll be going to a weekend training up in the woods near Randall, Washington. We’ll be staying in a dorm and having classes about unifying body, mind and spirit. Now I have to admit that it sounds a little Existentialish. But I’m willing to go, to meet a lot of different counselors from all over the State who will be there. I am willing to see what I can learn to help the kids I work with. And maybe, just maybe, I can enjoy the beautiful setting, the mess-hall meals and getting to know the two younger women who are also going from our agency. It will be an Adventure.

       Oh and that reminds me, I named the group I’m trying to start, FUN, (Fellowship, Understanding and finding New adventures.) And oh yes, if it gets off the ground, so to speak, I’ll be driving the fun bus, (aka the church van) taking people here and there, zoo, beach, train rides, shopping, hay rides, pumpkin patch………. We’ll see.   

       I love the train at Disney World, especially when the conductor loudly calls, “Allllll   a Board!!!!!!!”  Maybe I’ll do that if the fun bus gets rolling…..maybe. LOL.

      God is good and prayer changes things.

 One thing with God,  life is not boring.

    Love you all, may your days be blessed with the knowledge that God is there, He hears, He cares and wants to hold your right hand through your valleys of weeping until, someday you will find your own,

                Joy in the Morning.

Update: well 10 singles; 1 kid and 2 couples attended the dinner. We were able to visit, eat and plan. The church van is going to be fitted with a ramp, hopefully, so walker-bound folks can get in and out without risking their necks.

Lots of ideas for things to do and see. Train rides, parks, museums, dinners, game nights, pumpkin patch trips, fall leaves rides up the Gorge, Christmas lights, zoo.  One lady, Judy, had a list almost identical to my own. Input, feedback, and a short to the coast trip planned for the last Saturday of September. Goal is to have a take-along lunch planned. Camp stoves, pans, and hot cocoa fixings. Maybe, weather permitting a campfire at Fort Stevens and some S’mores.  We’ll see. Encouraging to see that there are others like me wanting to go places as a group and just have some fellowship and fun. The visiting couples did ALL the clean up, wow, I figured I’d be there a couple hours. All and all a good time.

I have to spend some time writing the objectives for the group; its mission statement, design a logo, (visions of T-shirts dancing in my head and it’s not even Christmas,) set out some guidelines for medical emergencies, emotional crisis etc.  All stuff I love to do, as I joke at work, “I’m getting my Nerd on.” (You’d have to be there, it’s funnier in person.) 

Two little grandson’s are playing Play Dough, eating, watching TV and generally just being adorable. Time for me to kick back a little and rest. Up since 4 I’m a little tired………………. Happy week to you all.