August 28, 2014 6:00 am
I was awake before 4 am this morning, the skies still dark,
the woods still silent. Across the canyon I could hear log trucks come rumbling
through the hills. Outside my own home I hear the rumble of a truck and look
out to see an empty log truck seemingly lost
on our street looking for the way down the hill.
I am filled with a sense of expectation this morning. I
have five whole days off work which I can fill with anything I want, and can
afford. A jaunt to Europe is off the table. A brief trip to Disney World is not
on the agenda; but, there are so many more things I can do; camping, hiking, museums,
mountains, ocean, rivers, National Parks, State parks, ferry boats, train rides,
bike rides, shopping, picnics, barbecues, reading a good book, movies,
grandchildren, sewing, painting and so it goes. Right now, the skies still
dark, brief edges of dawn peeking through the gray clouds, I eat my pancakes
and sausage, drink my coffee and spend time contemplating what to do.
Earlier, I read my devotionals and spent time in my Bible.
Finished the Gospel of Mark today and feel somewhat inadequate in that I cannot
comprehend the crucifixion. It is beyond my ability to understand. This I know,
that having Jesus as my Savior gives me a sense of hope in a world where
there is so much chaos. I sense God’s presence in my life. So often in the
field in which I work, I feel inadequate to face the misery of the client’s lives I work
with. I might dread the drama of interoffice politics and long to flee to the
hills to find comfort for my soul. But, and for me this is critical, when I
pray and ask God for strength, courage and guidance, I am able to face the ‘giants’
in my life.
So now, I wonder, does God have an opinion of how I’m supposed
to fill these days? Earlier, I had a fleeting thought, awareness, an
impression, “Let me plan your days.” Was this God speaking to me? I’m not sure.
I don’t hear God speak, well, except for once, early in my life, when as a
pregnant, young, deserted wife I wandered
the streets of Tacoma, Washington trying to find comfort for my wounded soul.
My husband had gone to the store one day, taken all our money and never
returned.
I was left alone in a small apartment in Tacoma, crying, desperate, I’d
get up each day, start walking and end up down town. I’d buy a small meal at
the Newberry’s lunch counter and keep walking. I can’t remember what I was
thinking, walking around like that. I only remember that my heart was
agonizingly broken and my mind numbed with the pain of rejection. One night, darkness
shrouding the abandoned streets with gloom I was walking my walk when I heard
an audible voice whisper my name, “Robin”. It was a soft gentle voice, but it
was real and it cut through all my confusion and made me aware, I was in
danger. It was dark, the streets were deserted and I was a young woman alone in
a big city. I sort of came to myself, got on a bus and went home to my
apartment. Was this God warning me? Keeping me from harm? Yes, I believe it
was. I had praying parents and I believe sometimes, God breaks through the
supernatural barriers and makes his presence known in a tangible way.
However, on a daily basis, I don’t hear the
voice of God. I wish I did, in many ways it would be easier to make decisions
in life, but for the most part, that’s not how it works. I pray, I read my Bible and I attempt to
make the best decisions I can. God gives us the ability to choose.
So
now….. what to do????
Six
hours later. Just fixed mini pancakes and sausage for two little grandsons. One
is in the family room watching All Dogs Go To Heaven, the other in their “room”
at gramma’s house watching the original Alice In Wonderland. Peaceful here,
still overcast and I wash a few dishes and generally take it easy. I guess it’s
ok if the first day of the five I kind of rest. Projects beckon all round my
home; outside bushes needing trimming; inside, letters still to write. For a few
whiles I will listen to the sounds of happy children’s movies and small boys
playing cars. One of the joys of being a grandparent, you get to see how
adorable the children are without the accompanying anguish of being their
parent.
Outside
the window white butterflies say goodbye to the few remaining roses, pink, red
and orange turning their bright faces to the sky. As winter comes I will miss
the flowers. Inside, I think part of me still wants to move to Florida, small
condo some where, annual pass to Disney World, it seems like a lifestyle I could
enjoy. But then, I would even more seldom see any of my family. Well, today
anyway it appears I will have a day of no big plans, trips to beach, mountains
parks, just enjoying some of the true joys of life. Sweet little voices saying,
“Please cut my pancakes.” “More syrup
please.” “I want more apples.” “Not that
cup I want the yellow cup.” The true substance of life.
Hard
for me to be quiet though, silence is an art I have not mastered.
To
those of you enjoying your own quiet moments, enjoy. Time enough for the stress
and hurry of life to push it’s way into the peace. God is good and He created
the Sabbath rest, today will be a Sabbath.
Sabbath-
The word sabbath is from the Hebrew word SHABÀT, meaning 'cessation,' or ' time of rest.'
Take
care and be blessed, joy does come in the morning.
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