Missing Mom

January 11, 2015- Missing my mother  

It’s still dark outside, the sounds of a few cars echoing up the valley. My early morning routine finds me drinking coffee, reading my Bible. This morning, in particular I am missing my mother. Reading her Bible, this morning Colossians Chapter 3, I see her familiar handwriting on the bottom of the page, “I love this book. This is one of my favorite books.” 1/25/03.

I would so like to be able to hear her voice again. To be able to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee and to listen to her views on God, the world and sports would be such a delight. She lived until 91 and with that long life the impression came that she would always be there, because in my life, she always had been there. However, one of the challenges of this life is the inevitable death of those we love. We can’t escape death, it is there, and nothing we can do can make it go away.

And so those of us left behind carry on.  Parents who have lost children are faced with this path of sorrow more than I can ever know. Along with that sorrow must be anguished questions of, “Why God?” I do not know why, any more than I understand how some people can find the love of their love and I was unable to ever find mine. I am resolved to this single state of mine but it doesn’t make the difficulties go away.

This morning I made a list of the breaking things in my house, electrical, plumbing, roof, and broken things. I’m trying to wrap my mind around a solution. I feel in some senses like some homeless person living in an abandoned house where as things fall apart they edge further into the structure to escape the  destruction. In my life, I have come up with so many projects, plans and ventures it seems impossible to think that now when I really, really need to figure things out I am coming to a dead stop. Like Gideon, challenged by God to lead the Israelite s to a victory, I am unsure of what to do. Gideon utilized a fleece to test God’s direction in his life. Like myself, he was timid to move forward in any direction. He was unsure, and scared. In fact, he was so convoluted about taking action he used the fleece test twice, just to be sure.

Well, apparently I can’t think up a “fleece test”. I am in the list making phase of taking action. I literally don’t know what to do. So, I continue to do what I am sure of. I keep working at my job; I read my Bible and I pray. Those things I know I must do. I emailed the white House in response to their emailing me. “Help!” I asked and spelled out my housing issues. No answer yet and it’s been a while. I continue to attend church, and eat healthier. I pay the utility bills and the mortgage.

And so, as I journey through my Bible reading, I read and re-read trying to become more like Jesus by immersing myself in scripture. I am still alive on this wet, January morning. I will continue to do the best I can with God’s help. And, I will pray for specific direction of what to do about this house I’m living in, (the real wooden one) and the literal, physical one of my own self.

I know that some of you reading this maybe facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles in your own life. I am going to share my beginning list of promises here for you.

         

God is our refuge and strength; A very present help in trouble. Psalm 51:10

          Create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 55:22

          Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 56:3-4

          Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God I will praise His Word. In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh (or circumstances) do to me? Psalm 60:11-12

         
Give us help from trouble for the help of man is useless. Through god we do valiantly for it is He who shall tread down our enemies. (or circumstances). Psalm 61:2

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 62:8

Trust in Him at all times you people; our out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us. Psalm 71:9

Do not cast me off in time of old age. Do not forsake me when my strength fails. Psalm 71:10

Now also, when I am old and gray-headed O God do not forsake me. Psalm 86:7

In the day of my trouble I will call upon you. For you will answer me. Psalm 94:19

In the multitude of my anxieties within me your comforts delight my soul. Psalm 103:6

The Lord executes righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. Psalm 103:10

The mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him. Psalm 107:29

He calms the storm so that its waves are still. Then they are glad because they are quiet so He guides them to their desired harbor. Psalm 119:28

My soul melts from heaviness. Strengthen me according to your word. Psalm 119:165

Great peace have those who love your law and nothing causes them to stumble. Isaiah 54:4

Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither will you be disgraced for you will not be put to shame. Isaiah 55:12

For you shall go out with joy and be led out with peace; the mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you. Isaiah 51:12

I even I am He who comforts you. Who are you that you should be afraid of a person, (or circumstances)? Isaiah 52:12

Well, my day continues and I will do the things I can. May each of you be blessed as you live your own lives and seek the face of the one who loves us all. Keep looking up!