Note: Please
read the added note at the end of this blog. Robin
And so I’m
home from work again today. I’m weak and weepy. I cried for a long time this
morning just trying to figure things out. Praying, asking God for
guidance. I’m not feeling sorry for
myself, really, because I’ve been blessed with a lifetime of exceptionally good
health. I just am feeling sick, and helpless and weak. So I’m resting, waiting
for the chest pain to stop and some semblance of energy to return.
I’ve been reading
through my Bible this morning, trying to find comfort and direction for the
hundreds of decisions facing me. I’m asking God to help me understand how to figure
things out. I am so tired, and hurt all over.
While going through a few
chapters in Proverbs, the following verse caught my attention. “Anxiety in the
heart of man (or woman) causes depression. But a good word makes it glad.”
Proverbs 12:25 Hmm, I never
realized before that the Bible talks about depression. But this verse really
sums it up; anxiety causes depression.
Ok, I think I know what anxiety means, because I took what seemed like a
million classes in Psychology way back when, but I am interested enough I think
I’ll look at the definition in the dictionary. Ok, just getting up to get the
dictionary the searing chest pain and wrenching cough reminds me I’m sick.
Ok, anxiety-
“Painful uneasiness of mind over an anticipated ill.” Anxious- uneasy in mind: worried.” Webster’s
Yep, I know
what anxiety means and admittedly right at this moment, I’m there in the middle
of it. I have acquaintances who get annoyed with me when I express any kind of
worry. They offer advice, well meaning, God is in control. I get that, and
probably if the truth were known I’ve said the same thing to others when they
were telling me their worries. It makes me consider if maybe comfort might be a
better option sometimes to people going through things.
The second
part of the verse in Proverbs kind of gives me an inkling that this might be
true. “ But a good word makes it glad.” Calling into work these last few days
the two young women who work in the front office are such sweet, nice women.
They are so kind to me at work, and now that I’m sick their words of comfort
and concern are so welcoming to hear. The nurse and the doctor were both really
nice to me, telling me to get better soon, hoping I would feel better. They
seemed genuine, not contrived, or fake. One of my children has been checking in
on me, seeing if I need anything. I so deeply appreciate that.
Anyway, back
to Proverbs. The verse seemed so timely to me, so full of import, (Anxiety in
the heart of man (or woman) causes depression. But a good word makes it glad.
Proverbs 12:25) that I decided to follow the cross references to see if I could
learn more of what this means, and what it looks like in the everyday world I
live in.
One of the
cross references for this verse is Isaiah 50:4, “The Lord God has given me the
tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him
who is weary.” Wow, that’s a mouthful, a word in season, to him (or her) who is
weary. There is obviously a time, or season to speak the right word into
someone’s life. Conversely there is the wrong time, or wrong season to speak
into someone’s life. Back to Webster’s, in the definition of season, one of the
first things mentioned is, season, as in the action of sowing. You have to wait
to plant (or sow) your seeds until the soil warms up, any gardener knows that.
Well, it
appears that in terms of helping others, there is a season, or time for sowing.
This makes me think of the concept of timing, God’s timing. Near the end of his
life from his hospital bed my father tried to impart some wisdom to me. Among
the things he shared was this, “Robin, “
he shared from a weakened form ravaged from cancer, “I have seen God’s
hand more in His timing, than in anything else.” This statement from my father
has stuck with me through the years and I have recalled it when in my own life
circumstances were arranged in a sequence that could only be providential.
So, looking
back at speaking a word in season, or in the right timing, into someone’s life,
it appears that it could be very important to understand, to know when the
“right time” is, and more importantly, not to miss it. For me, being ill, has heightened my
sensitivity to people’s responses to me. Those who are kind and caring, shine
through my life with a bright, clear light. Those who are not kind, who are not
caring, who are callous and self-absorbed are revealed by the cold, clear light
of reality. It’s not at all difficult to sort the people out and to realize how
precious and sometimes rare kindness is.
It reminds me of how in Proverbs, kindness was
extolled as the greatest virtue a man could have in God’s eyes. Not how
powerful a man is, or wise, or rich, or famous but how kind. For me, speaking a
word in season leans more towards comfort then rebuke, or exhortation. I think
this because of the second part of the verse that speaks to the fact that when
a person is weary, they need that word of comfort, of encouragement.
Right at
this moment, weakened by illness, discouraged by situations outside of my
control, my hope is in God. I need a miracle, a way where there is no way. Oh,
it’s not for lack of looking that I don’t have solutions, it is the fact that
I’m not able to find answers that make pratical sense. For example: my roof is
leaking in two different places. I’ve
asked several people to help and they said yes, then forgot me. I don’t have
thousands of dollars anymore to invest in a roof repair. What do I do? Do I
wait until someday, it falls on my head?
I pray. I
called the insurance company and they will cover the two missing shingle
repairs as weather related, with the caveat there is a 1000 deductible. Great,
that leak will be stopped. But it’s not the only leak, there’s another one, not
weather related that is creating damage on my beautiful vaulted ceiling. I’m
working and don’t qualify for low income home repair loans. A divorce a number
of years ago ruined my A-plus credit. So, for now I’m stuck. I can’t get on the
roof, I tried, I’m not strong enough to pull myself up over the top of the
ladder, so I can’t try to fix it. Although I did google roof repair and read
through the various ways to try to stop a leak.
So these worries, (multiple
needed home repairs) are anxieties that wear me down, and wear me out. What will
God do in this situation? I don’t know, I’m waiting feeling somewhat like a
pathetic fool, but still I’m clinging to the promises, “I will yet praise him
for the help of my countenance.” I will yet praise Him for the help for my roof
and the rest of the home repair list. I watch a lot of Hallmark movies where
they show homeless people living in abandoned buildings. I’m starting to feel
like that. I have a home but it’s breaking around me. Being sick, I sort of
feel my body is breaking around me too.
It encourages me to read my devotional books and read the words of others who have
struggled in life circumstances. They speak from the pages of these books into
my life words of comfort in the seasons of my weariness. Through the years of
their lives they collectively share this common refrain, “God is faithful.” No
matter what happens, He is still there. Whether in good times, or bad times, He
is still there and He will comfort and strengthen you in the middle of the
storm. I realize
how fortunate I am compared to millions in the world. I still have heat and
light and food. I have medical insurance and access to medicine and doctors. My
suffering is nothing compared to many who are in dire straits. I am not in dire
straits, just a few bumps in the road.
“God is
faithful and will not leave me desolate, but will make a way of escape so that
I am able to bear with this current situation.” ( My paraphrase).
Take care
and be blessed. Keep praying and things will change, He promised He would help
when we call, and He is faithful.
Note: After finishing writing my blog, I went
to watch some TV and rest in my easy chair turned on 700 Club. Don’t usually
watch it but thought, maybe there would be something interesting. The first
sequence was about an Los Angeles police officer who graduated from the police
academy and prayed, “Ok, God. I’ll accept any assignment only please don’t send
me to Skid row.” The police officer was sent to Skid Row and has worked there
for 17 years. He spoke and shared as scenes from Skid Row were shown; people in
desperate need; sleeping on the street, sick, addicted, desolate. I watched
this until it completed.
I then watched another segment about
orphans. The woman sharing told about over 148 million orphans worldwide. She
spoke to their needs, their risks, their plights. After watching these two
brief stories of suffering I realized again how fortunate I am. Yes I am
hurting physically, and worried, but I have so much. Food, home, money, faith,
family, safety. How many of the people represented by Skid Row and the orphans
could claim to have those things? Probably none of them.
I
am lucky, I am fortunate, I am blessed. Hopefully I will feel better again.
Will I remember this pain and think to help the helpless? Or will I plan my
next vacation? I don’t know. Because I work in a “helping” profession that
brings me into contact with a lot of the more unpleasant sides of humanity I
have kind of rationalized that takes care of me helping outside work. By the
time I’m done with my 40 plus hours, I’m exhausted and just need to rest. When
my suffering is over, will I forget and move on or will I remember? And out of
that remembering will I look at ways to help ease other people’s suffering?
Will I?
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