Day 84 Leaning on the promises....

 

Saturday evening at home my dad would call to all us children to bring him our church shoes.  He had a box with cans of different colored shoe polish and he would use an old soft cloth to put a new shine into our “Sunday best.” It was interesting to me to see all the polishes. The smell of the old wax polish intrigued me as sometimes I watched his labor of love with our shoes.

Dad had a practical nature and buying shoes was one place that reflected that nature. We would go to the shoe store and I would see pretty shoes, bows, buckles, soft soles.  “I like those shoes, can I try those on?” I would ask in my little girl voice. “No,” he would respond, “Look at these.” He would then pick out sturdy oxfords, or penny loafers, with good solid soles, and plenty of leather. Those would last. 

The only exception was our Easter shoes.   Mom would take us to some of the nicest stores around. We would look at beautiful fluffy dresses, pinks, pale yellows, blues and beautiful shoes, bows, buckles, delicate.  They were truly beautiful. Every year I got one of those beautiful dresses, along with beautiful shoes. I would usually get to pick from racks of hats adorned with colorful flowers, ribbons and bows. To complete the outfit I would get clothes and a purse to match my shoes. Back in those days, women carried handkerchiefs and I would have a sweet little embroidered new hankies to tuck in  my little purse. They would give me my offering and oh so proud I would put it inside the pockets of the new purse feeling rich and proud.  I’m not sure who enjoyed this more, me or mom, but it was a tradition I loved. Once, a neighbor girls mom, let me know how little she liked me and included some smart remark about all my nice clothes.  They were poor, had a lot of children and never had beautiful Easter dresses.

I was a lucky child indeed.

So on Saturday night, Dad would line up our shoes, polished, cleaned and mom would iron our clothes. Those were the days before wash and wear and she took pride in turning us out for Sunday’s pressed, polished, and gussied up.

One Easter Sunday, the local paper came by the church to see all the churchgoers in their Easter bonnets, with all the flowers upon them…. Our family was selected to be photographed and next paper day our picture adorned the front page smiling into the camera in our finery, captioned, The Dray Family On Easter Sunday.

Recently, pressed with needed to conserve I went back to the sturdy shoe mentality; I bought a pair of Romeo shoes. Thick sole, lots of leather and oh so comfortable. The miles I walk in the treatment center are cushioned by their sturdiness. I’ve taken a few jokes about the shoes, and a few rude remarks. The shoes however will last me a long time, they were a good investment.

Another good investment and tradition for me has been reading my Bible daily. For me, it’s as if the fabric of my soul is like those Saturday night shoes, dusty, in need of polish. My life is like that. I start out each day with good intentions but life, my inner nature all combine to soil my soul so to speak. Without the renewing of the Word in the Bible, showing me places in my character where I’ve become ragged and worn, I would quickly revert back to becoming a person who not only was not at their “Sunday best” but not much good for Monday through Saturday either.

          Some people say, “I don’t need God in my life. “I’m a good person. I try to help people whenever I can. I don’t need religion as some sort of crutch.”

Well, I don’t fight or argue with those people, for them they believe what they believe. For me however, it’s been different. I need God.  I need His forgiveness and cleansing for all the dumb mistakes I’ve made in the past, and all the dumb mistakes I make daily. I need His strength, His love to transform my life, emotions, intellect moment by moment.

Another tradition I love, and have grown to cherish is finding promises in the Bible and then claiming them as my own. A promise is something God says in the Bible, and each person has the privilege of “claiming” it for themselves.  There are different how-to’s about this process. There are different explanations of what makes this work. My understanding is that the Word of God is  spiritually alive. That through the supernatural, spiritual nature of God when He speaks it is more than words per se. There is power, and life in His words that extends for all eternity. The story of creation tells about a God so powerful that when he spoke, worlds were created.

In my Bibles, when there is a statement about what God says He will do in response to an attitude, action or need in a person’s life, I claim that promise as my own. In the Psalms, (one of my favorite places to read), when it says,

When Robin calls upon me, I will answer. I will be with Robin in trouble and I will deliver her. I will rescue Robin and honor her. Psalm 91:15

I put my name in there. When I pray I thank God for His Word to me, and His promises and I claim them for myself and my family. I’ve heard it explained like this:

 A rich man visited a large city in the United States. He observed one man who worked very hard in a large hotel. He was polite, he hurried to help people and was always busy.  After inquiring about the man he learned he had many children and a sick wife.  They were all very poor and were struggling to make ends meet.  This story touched the rich man’s heart and he wrote out a check for the man for $10,000 dollars.  Upon leaving the hotel he told the man how impressed he was with the hard work he did and wanted to make him a gift.  The man beamed proudly and took the check.

A week later, the hotel manager happened to enter the back room where the man had a small desk. There on the wall the man had framed the check and was displaying it proudly, he did not understand what it was worth.  The manager found the man and explained that he had to use the check and discover the richness of the man’s gift.

God’s promises are like that. We each individually have to use, or claim the promises to discover that like that check, they are of great value. God doesn’t lie, and He doesn’t change.

In that same church of my childhood we used to sing many encouraging songs.  A favorite of mine was, Standing on the Promises.  The message of that song is that with God’s Word and promises we can be secure, in the storms, through the storms and beyond. How thankful I am for that.  Today, I will wear my sturdy shoes, claim my verse for today and go out into my Saturday world. 

My plans are now, early morning, still before dawn, to attend my Weight Watchers meeting, go buy groceries, come home and load the truck up to go to the dump. A simple life, everyday tasks I love.  All the while, my inner soul will be standing on the promises in my sturdy shoes, praying that God will give me strength, wisdom and purpose.

To each of you in your Saturday world have a blessed day and may your journey take you to your own continued discovery of the power and comfort of the promises of God.

       

Day84- Leaning on the promises…

Saturday evening at home my dad would call to all us children to bring him our church shoes.  He had a box with cans of different colored shoe polish and he would use an old soft cloth to put a new shine into our “Sunday best.” It was interesting to me to see all the polishes. The smell of the old wax polish intrigued me as sometimes I watched his labor of love with our shoes.

Dad had a practical nature and buying shoes was one place that reflected that nature. We would go to the shoe store and I would see pretty shoes, bows, buckles, soft soles.  “I like those shoes, can I try those on?” I would ask in my little girl voice. “No,” he would respond, “Look at these.” He would then pick out sturdy oxfords, or penny loafers, with good solid soles, and plenty of leather. Those would last.  The only exception was our Easter shoes.   Mom would take us to some of the nicest stores around. We would look at beautiful fluffy dresses, pinks, pale yellows, blues and beautiful shoes, bows, buckles, delicate.  They were truly beautiful. Every year I got one of those beautiful dresses, along with beautiful shoes. I would usually get to pick from racks of hats adorned with colorful flowers, ribbons and bows. To complete the outfit I would get clothes and a purse to match my shoes. Back in those days, women carried handkerchiefs and I would have a sweet little embroidered new hankies to tuck in  my little purse. They would give me my offering and oh so proud I would put it inside the pockets of the new purse feeling rich and proud.  I’m not sure who enjoyed this more, me or mom, but it was a tradition I loved. Once, a neighbor girls mom, let me know how little she liked me and included some smart remark about all my nice clothes.  They were poor, had a lot of children and never had beautiful Easter dresses. I was a lucky child indeed.

So on Saturday night, Dad would line up our shoes, polished, cleaned and mom would iron our clothes. Those were the days before wash and wear and she took pride in turning us out for Sunday’s pressed, polished, and gussied up.

One Easter Sunday, the local paper came by the church to see all the churchgoers in their Easter bonnets, with all the flowers upon them…. Our family was selected to be photographed and next paper day our picture adorned the front page smiling into the camera in our finery, captioned, The Dray Family On Easter Sunday.

Recently, pressed with needed to conserve I went back to the sturdy shoe mentality; I bought a pair of Romeo shoes. Thick sole, lots of leather and oh so comfortable. The miles I walk in the treatment center are cushioned by their sturdiness. I’ve taken a few jokes about the shoes, and a few rude remarks. The shoes however will last me a long time, they were a good investment.

Another good investment and tradition for me has been reading my Bible daily. For me, it’s as if the fabric of my soul is like those Saturday night shoes, dusty, in need of polish. My life is like that. I start out each day with good intentions but life, my inner nature all combine to soil my soul so to speak. Without the renewing of the Word in the Bible, showing me places in my character where I’ve become ragged and worn, I would quickly revert back to becoming a person who not only was not at their “Sunday best” but not much good for Monday through Saturday either.

 

Some people say, “I don’t need God in my life. “I’m a good person. I try to help people whenever I can. I don’t need religion as some sort of crutch.”

Well, I don’t fight or argue with those people, for them they believe what they believe. For me however, it’s been different. I need God.  I need His forgiveness and cleansing for all the dumb mistakes I’ve made in the past, and all the dumb mistakes I make daily. I need His strength, His love to transform my life, emotions, intellect moment by moment.

Another tradition I love, and have grown to cherish is finding promises in the Bible and then claiming them as my own. A promise is something God says in the Bible, and each person has the privilege of “claiming” it for themselves.  There are different how-to’s about this process. There are different explanations of what makes this work. My understanding is that the Word of God is  spiritually alive. That through the supernatural, spiritual nature of God when He speaks it is more than words per se. There is power, and life in His words that extends for all eternity. The story of creation tells about a God so powerful that when he spoke, worlds were created.

In my Bibles, when there is a statement about what God says He will do in response to an attitude, action or need in a person’s life, I claim that promise as my own. In the Psalms, (one of my favorite places to read), when it says,

When Robin calls upon me, I will answer. I will be with Robin in trouble and I will deliver her. I will rescue Robin and honor her. Psalm 91:15

I put my name in there. When I pray I thank God for His Word to me, and His promises and I claim them for myself and my family. I’ve heard it explained like this:

 A rich man visited a large city in the United States. He observed one man who worked very hard in a large hotel. He was polite, he hurried to help people and was always busy.  After inquiring about the man he learned he had many children and a sick wife.  They were all very poor and were struggling to make ends meet.  This story touched the rich man’s heart and he wrote out a check for the man for $10,000 dollars.  Upon leaving the hotel he told the man how impressed he was with the hard work he did and wanted to make him a gift.  The man beamed proudly and took the check.

A week later, the hotel manager happened to enter the back room where the man had a small desk. There on the wall the man had framed the check and was displaying it proudly, he did not understand what it was worth.  The manager found the man and explained that he had to use the check and discover the richness of the man’s gift.

God’s promises are like that. We each individually have to use, or claim the promises to discover that like that check, they are of great value. God doesn’t lie, and He doesn’t change.

In that same church of my childhood we used to sing many encouraging songs.  A favorite of mine was, Standing on the Promises.  The message of that song is that with God’s Word and promises we can be secure, in the storms, through the storms and beyond. How thankful I am for that.  Today, I will wear my sturdy shoes, claim my verse for today and go out into my Saturday world. 

My plans are now, early morning, still before dawn, to attend my Weight Watchers meeting, go buy groceries, come home and load the truck up to go to the dump. A simple life, everyday tasks I love.  All the while, my inner soul will be standing on the promises in my sturdy shoes, praying that God will give me strength, wisdom and purpose.

To each of you in your Saturday world have a blessed day and may your journey take you to your own continued discovery of the power and comfort of the promises of God.

       

Day 84 The lull before the storm

Sunday today, just another day in paradise. Up, reading more through the book of Romans, trying to connect with more of how I can relate to the Bible. Yesterday afternoon, watched another In Touch television show with Charles Stanley.  He speaks in a level I can understand relating Scripture to real life in a way I can connect. The points that I took away from his message is that when you get real and serious with Jesus in your life, you will do things you've never done before, go places you've never been before, and give up things you've held to very tightly.

In my life, since people tell me things about themselves that are private, not-to-be shared, a lot of what happens to me I can't share.  It's as if on a spiritual level I connect with other people in moments of time, they move on and only God knows the what happens to them. It's strange in a weird sort of way.  My journey is mostly comprised of coming alongside someone elses journey just for a while, and moving on. 

Sunday school, me in a class mostly married folks trying to blend in sans husband. I find the less I talk the more I just kind of fade into the background. I find I am becoming very creative with paper folding. I can listen and focus on being quiet, my sympathy is aroused for the guys in the treatment center who have to listen to lectures over and over, sitting still being quiet isn't all that easy. Note to self, make lectures more interactive.

Church, and I play the organ, not well, just enough to blend in, (a theme perhaps).  After the music time I look for a seat and find myself in the foyer sitting besides another lady. We visit for while and a relative finds me to let me know a young man is wandering through the building. I find the young man, engage him in conversation and spend the next hour listening to his world. He is afraid I will judge him and I reassure him I won't, "People go through things I assure him." He continues to share until service is over. He is brought a meal and I go to find him a ride to his destination. He's walked over 12 miles to get to the church and has another 10 to get to a relatives house. He says he hasn't slept in days.

He thanks me for my time and I tell him I will pray for him.  Another chance encounter hopefully with some kind of renewed sense of purpose and at least a softening towards the things of God. I will not know in this lifetime.

I wait another two hours for a fund-raiser to be completed, dinner, dishes, clean-up and spend my time waiting  playing the piano in the sanctuary. Almost, but not quite I feel like singing again. I haven't sang for over three years and although I've been requested to sing again, the music is not quite in my soul yet.  Almost.

I'm at the library now, checking the times of a movie. I promised a grandson I would take him and he reminds me of the promise. Snug, wrapped up in sweater, sweatshirt, jeans and scarf much of me feels like going home, enjoying my recliner and enjoying the peaceful afternoon. Will my keeping this commitment mean anything in the space of this young person's life?  I don't know and I struggle with putting off the 15 mile drive to the theater and the 2.5 hours watching a predominately "guy flick".

Sigh, so much of life is a trade off of wanting to be "that" person for other people and being tempted to take comfort in the small things of life like watching a fragrant candle flicker on the fireplace mantle.

Sunday's are my lull before the storm of my week. Five full days of being busy, busy, busy and listening to so many different issues. The lull, the eye of the storm is a nice place to be but it is only for a while, Next to me flags wave in the breeze, barren trees reach their leafless branches to the sky and I must move on.

To those of you enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon, greetings. May your day be blessed with many moments and lulls of peace and comfort.  Tomorrow awaits, and a rest is needed. Be blessed.

Day 83 Walking on water

        As a child a reoccurring dream was that I could fly. Living in the country, we owned part of a beautiful hill that included eons of lawn on different levels. I scoured every inch of property, had paths through the woods, special trees I climbed, places where the wild ferns grew. In my flying dreams, I would be perched at different spots in that landscape, taking a jump and then miraculously lift off the ground and soar about, relishing the freedom.

        Now, decades past, I don’t dream of flying anymore. I don’t know why that is, whether some part of my soul has aged to the point where impossibilities cease to exist or what, I only know at night, I no longer fly.

        During my waking hours, realities press in upon me and I realize crunch time has come. During my years at college, crunch time meant, term papers were due, or finals were coming. It was time to get serious and buckle down. In my life, right now, it’s crunch time financially. I literally do not have enough money coming in to meet the basic bills. I’ve been depleting my savings until I’m up against the end. Working full time, at 62 I realize taking on another job is not an option. I do good at the job I have but by the end of my long day I’m tired, more often than not I fall asleep in the family room, sitting in my chair, wake up and realize I’d better go to bed so I can hear the alarm go off to get up for another day.

        So I’m left with several options, downsize, and/or find a second source of income making something. I’m not one of those women who fills their home with beautiful things they’ve made. I’m musical, I’m smart, but the “crafty” gene just didn’t come in my genetic make-up. I can’t take in laundry, (like in old books), I can’t open up a newspaper stand, shoe-shine chair, or any of the odd things people used to do to supplement their income.

        I know there are millions of other people out there just like me, wondering how they are going to keep the lights and water on, food on the table, and a roof over their head. It is a sign of the times that even employed people are feeling the pinch.

        So, what am I going to do?  Good question. I took home the medical/dental plan materials from work yesterday and looked at them longingly. For the last year or so, I haven’t had any insurance and the hope remains my health keeps on being good. If not, well, I’m one catastrophic illness away from being destitute. But, the insurance costs money, money I don’t have.

        I’m not alone in this I know, millions of people in American don’t have medical or dental insurance. We limp along, living with different things, broken teeth, aches and pains, hoping, praying something will change. World-wide, the picture gets grimmer, children without medicine, old people without food.

        So where does that leave me? Having a global sense of want, doesn’t resolve the current problem. Bankruptcy doesn’t pay electric and water bills, or put food on the table. So, looking at all my expenditures there are some things I can eliminate. I have two vehicles. One must go, even at a loss. I’ve never turned a car back to a dealer or bank before and that will be my last option. Foolish pride? Maybe. So I will face this and get on with it. Today, I will get help and spiffy up one of them. I will make a sign, visit a car lot and see if I can move on.

        I love television, a show or two now and then is entertaining. It costs about thirty dollars a month. It’s not a necessity. I could lose that. I don’t really need a cell phone. I’m paying twenty-five dollars a month on that. That’s fifty-five dollars there. I don’t qualify for any help from the government for food or medical so that will pretty much stay the same. I have pets, and I will try to find homes for them, their food costs money, and their licenses. I cut my own hair, don’t do my nails so I suppose my “beauty” costs are pretty nil.

        At work, people keep telling me I need new clothes. When I try to explain I’m on a limited budget, their eyes sort of glaze over and they move on to something else. I will continue to wash and wear the clothes I have and at least be clean.

        And most importantly I can pray.  I need a miracle from God to help me figure this out. It’s painful yes, but certainly not as painful as many people who face getting the news they have cancer, or some other fatal disease. It’s only stuff and it’s foolish that I should hold such attachment to things. It speaks to the fact my spiritual life still needs to be fine-tuned, to say the least.

        In the Bible, I like the story of Peter, impetuous, getting out of the boat to go to Jesus. Peter hadn’t walked on water before, it wasn’t in his vocabulary.  But, in the moment, he was so excited to see Jesus walking on the water he lost all sense of reality, as he knew it, and threw himself into the experience.  For me, now, facing this economic crisis, I will have to set aside personal wants and likes, and throw myself into the water believing that God will enable me to walk over these waves.

        When my faith wavers, I will reach out like Peter and say, “Lord, save me, I’m drowning!”  And God in His infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy will reach down and lift me up and set me in safety. 

        Recently someone said, don’t look at how big your mountain is, focus on how big your God is.  I am going to try to do that with the present issue. I will let you know how things work out, in hopes that my struggles will encourage you in your own struggles.

        One of the last things I will give up in my Weight Watchers meetings. I have gained so many helps for healthier living. I’ve lost thirty pounds, a family member has lost forty, and I’ve gained strength for the journey.

Being with other people trying to improve the quality of their health has been a wonderful experience. I’ve enjoyed the last six months immensely.

        Well, I’m off and about my day.  Think the beloved mini-van is the vehicle I’m choosing to sell. Silly of me to be so fond of it, but there have been so many happy outings with family, it’s like saying goodbye to an old friend.

        Best of everything to you for your weekend. May your mountains be faced with the assurance there is a God who hears and answers prayers, and may your joy come in the morning.

        Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For your Maker, is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies, I will gather you. And with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you.

Excerpts from Isaiah 54

Day 83 - Walking on water

        As a child a reoccurring dream was that I could fly. Living in the country, we owned part of a beautiful hill that included eons of lawn on different levels. I scoured every inch of property, had paths through the woods, special trees I climbed, places where the wild ferns grew. In my flying dreams, I would be perched at different spots in that landscape, taking a jump and then miraculously lift off the ground and soar about, relishing the freedom.

        Now, decades past, I don’t dream of flying anymore. I don’t know why that is, whether some part of my soul has aged to the point where impossibilities cease to exist or what, I only know at night, I no longer fly.

        During my waking hours, realities press in upon me and I realize crunch time has come. During my years at college, crunch time meant, term papers were due, or finals were coming. It was time to get serious and buckle down. In my life, right now, it’s crunch time financially. I literally do not have enough money coming in to meet the basic bills. I’ve been depleting my savings until I’m up against the end. Working full time, at 62 I realize taking on another job is not an option. I do good at the job I have but by the end of my long day I’m tired, more often than not I fall asleep in the family room, sitting in my chair, wake up and realize I’d better go to bed so I can hear the alarm go off to get up for another day.

        So I’m left with several options, downsize, and/or find a second source of income making something. I’m not one of those women who fills their home with beautiful things they’ve made. I’m musical, I’m smart, but the “crafty” gene just didn’t come in my genetic make-up. I can’t take in laundry, (like in old books), I can’t open up a newspaper stand, shoe-shine chair, or any of the odd things people used to do to supplement their income.

        I know there are millions of other people out there just like me, wondering how they are going to keep the lights and water on, food on the table, and a roof over their head. It is a sign of the times that even employed people are feeling the pinch.

        So, what am I going to do?  Good question. I took home the medical/dental plan materials from work yesterday and looked at them longingly. For the last year or so, I haven’t had any insurance and the hope remains my health keeps on being good. If not, well, I’m one catastrophic illness away from being destitute. But, the insurance costs money, money I don’t have.

        I’m not alone in this I know, millions of people in American don’t have medical or dental insurance. We limp along, living with different things, broken teeth, aches and pains, hoping, praying something will change. World-wide, the picture gets grimmer, children without medicine, old people without food.

        So where does that leave me? Having a global sense of want, doesn’t resolve the current problem. Bankruptcy doesn’t pay electric and water bills, or put food on the table. So, looking at all my expenditures there are some things I can eliminate. I have two vehicles. One must go, even at a loss. I’ve never turned a car back to a dealer or bank before and that will be my last option. Foolish pride? Maybe. So I will face this and get on with it. Today, I will get help and spiffy up one of them. I will make a sign, visit a car lot and see if I can move on.

        I love television, a show or two now and then is entertaining. It costs about thirty dollars a month. It’s not a necessity. I could lose that. I don’t really need a cell phone. I’m paying twenty-five dollars a month on that. That’s fifty-five dollars there. I don’t qualify for any help from the government for food or medical so that will pretty much stay the same. I have pets, and I will try to find homes for them, their food costs money, and their licenses. I cut my own hair, don’t do my nails so I suppose my “beauty” costs are pretty nil.

        At work, people keep telling me I need new clothes. When I try to explain I’m on a limited budget, their eyes sort of glaze over and they move on to something else. I will continue to wash and wear the clothes I have and at least be clean.

        And most importantly I can pray.  I need a miracle from God to help me figure this out. It’s painful yes, but certainly not as painful as many people who face getting the news they have cancer, or some other fatal disease. It’s only stuff and it’s foolish that I should hold such attachment to things. It speaks to the fact my spiritual life still needs to be fine-tuned, to say the least.

        In the Bible, I like the story of Peter, impetuous, getting out of the boat to go to Jesus. Peter hadn’t walked on water before, it wasn’t in his vocabulary.  But, in the moment, he was so excited to see Jesus walking on the water he lost all sense of reality, as he knew it, and threw himself into the experience.  For me, now, facing this economic crisis, I will have to set aside personal wants and likes, and throw myself into the water believing that God will enable me to walk over these waves.

        When my faith wavers, I will reach out like Peter and say, “Lord, save me, I’m drowning!”  And God in His infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy will reach down and lift me up and set me in safety. 

        Recently someone said, don’t look at how big your mountain is, focus on how big your God is.  I am going to try to do that with the present issue. I will let you know how things work out, in hopes that my struggles will encourage you in your own struggles.

        One of the last things I will give up in my Weight Watchers meetings. I have gained so many helps for healthier living. I’ve lost thirty pounds, a family member has lost forty, and I’ve gained strength for the journey.

Being with other people trying to improve the quality of their health has been a wonderful experience. I’ve enjoyed the last six months immensely.

        Well, I’m off and about my day.  Think the beloved mini-van is the vehicle I’m choosing to sell. Silly of me to be so fond of it, but there have been so many happy outings with family, it’s like saying goodbye to an old friend.

        Best of everything to you for your weekend. May your mountains be faced with the assurance there is a God who hears and answers prayers, and may your joy come in the morning.

        Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For your Maker, is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies, I will gather you. And with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you.

Excerpts from Isaiah 54

Day 83 - Walking on water

Day 83- Walking on water

        As a child a reoccurring dream was that I could fly. Living in the country, we owned part of a beautiful hill that included eons of lawn on different levels. I scoured every inch of property, had paths through the woods, special trees I climbed, places where the wild ferns grew. In my flying dreams, I would be perched at different spots in that landscape, taking a jump and then miraculously lift off the ground and soar about, relishing the freedom.

        Now, decades past, I don’t dream of flying anymore. I don’t know why that is, whether some part of my soul has aged to the point where impossibilities cease to exist or what, I only know at night, I no longer fly.

        During my waking hours, realities press in upon me and I realize crunch time has come. During my years at college, crunch time meant, term papers were due, or finals were coming. It was time to get serious and buckle down. In my life, right now, it’s crunch time financially. I literally do not have enough money coming in to meet the basic bills. I’ve been depleting my savings until I’m up against the end. Working full time, at 62 I realize taking on another job is not an option. I do good at the job I have but by the end of my long day I’m tired, more often than not I fall asleep in the family room, sitting in my chair, wake up and realize I’d better go to bed so I can hear the alarm go off to get up for another day.

        So I’m left with several options, downsize, and/or find a second source of income making something. I’m not one of those women who fills their home with beautiful things they’ve made. I’m musical, I’m smart, but the “crafty” gene just didn’t come in my genetic make-up. I can’t take in laundry, (like in old books), I can’t open up a newspaper stand, shoe-shine chair, or any of the odd things people used to do to supplement their income.

        I know there are millions of other people out there just like me, wondering how they are going to keep the lights and water on, food on the table, and a roof over their head. It is a sign of the times that even employed people are feeling the pinch.

        So, what am I going to do?  Good question. I took home the medical/dental plan materials from work yesterday and looked at them longingly. For the last year or so, I haven’t had any insurance and the hope remains my health keeps on being good. If not, well, I’m one catastrophic illness away from being destitute. But, the insurance costs money, money I don’t have.

        I’m not alone in this I know, millions of people in American don’t have medical or dental insurance. We limp along, living with different things, broken teeth, aches and pains, hoping, praying something will change. World-wide, the picture gets grimmer, children without medicine, old people without food.

        So where does that leave me? Having a global sense of want, doesn’t resolve the current problem. Bankruptcy doesn’t pay electric and water bills, or put food on the table. So, looking at all my expenditures there are some things I can eliminate. I have two vehicles. One must go, even at a loss. I’ve never turned a car back to a dealer or bank before and that will be my last option. Foolish pride? Maybe. So I will face this and get on with it. Today, I will get help and spiffy up one of them. I will make a sign, visit a car lot and see if I can move on.

        I love television, a show or two now and then is entertaining. It costs about thirty dollars a month. It’s not a necessity. I could lose that. I don’t really need a cell phone. I’m paying twenty-five dollars a month on that. That’s fifty-five dollars there. I don’t qualify for any help from the government for food or medical so that will pretty much stay the same. I have pets, and I will try to find homes for them, their food costs money, and their licenses. I cut my own hair, don’t do my nails so I suppose my “beauty” costs are pretty nil.

        At work, people keep telling me I need new clothes. When I try to explain I’m on a limited budget, their eyes sort of glaze over and they move on to something else. I will continue to wash and wear the clothes I have and at least be clean.

        And most importantly I can pray.  I need a miracle from God to help me figure this out. It’s painful yes, but certainly not as painful as many people who face getting the news they have cancer, or some other fatal disease. It’s only stuff and it’s foolish that I should hold such attachment to things. It speaks to the fact my spiritual life still needs to be fine-tuned, to say the least.

        In the Bible, I like the story of Peter, impetuous, getting out of the boat to go to Jesus. Peter hadn’t walked on water before, it wasn’t in his vocabulary.  But, in the moment, he was so excited to see Jesus walking on the water he lost all sense of reality, as he knew it, and threw himself into the experience.  For me, now, facing this economic crisis, I will have to set aside personal wants and likes, and throw myself into the water believing that God will enable me to walk over these waves.

        When my faith wavers, I will reach out like Peter and say, “Lord, save me, I’m drowning!”  And God in His infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy will reach down and lift me up and set me in safety. 

        Recently someone said, don’t look at how big your mountain is, focus on how big your God is.  I am going to try to do that with the present issue. I will let you know how things work out, in hopes that my struggles will encourage you in your own struggles.

        One of the last things I will give up in my Weight Watchers meetings. I have gained so many helps for healthier living. I’ve lost thirty pounds, a family member has lost forty, and I’ve gained strength for the journey.

Being with other people trying to improve the quality of their health has been a wonderful experience. I’ve enjoyed the last six months immensely.

        Well, I’m off and about my day.  Think the beloved mini-van is the vehicle I’m choosing to sell. Silly of me to be so fond of it, but there have been so many happy outings with family, it’s like saying goodbye to an old friend.

        Best of everything to you for your weekend. May your mountains be faced with the assurance there is a God who hears and answers prayers, and may your joy come in the morning.

        Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For your Maker, is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies, I will gather you. And with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you.

Excerpts from Isaiah 54

Day 81 New Year's Day

Day 82 – New Year’s Day

The day dawned a glorious blue-skied, bright sunny day. The snow, white frosting across the landscape adds a surreal feel. I look out on a deep forest ravine, sheltering a roaring creek making its way down the hill.

I am truly blessed. This morning I put away the devotional books that have been my companions through several years. I want to discover new worlds of awareness’s. Yes, these books have been trusty companions, sharing warmth, wit, insight, spiritual direction, but it is time to move on.

Waiting for coffee I continue to clean and sort, matching silverware, cups, plates, measuring spoons, folding dish towels, simple tasks with rewarding pleasure. I realize, at my age, it is just for a while that I have the privilege of doing these things. Before I know it, someone else will make my coffee, do my laundry, cook my meals. Watching my mother slide into incapacity after 91 years of cooking, cleaning, writing, calling, praying, the awareness has hit me hard about the fleeting nature of life and that in a blink of an eye we are gone.

This morning, safe, full, warm, seeing the brilliant, beautiful winter day I am experiencing an overwhelming sense of heaven. For this moment however brief, I am happy, joyous. My joy has come in the morning, this morning. Last night, waiting for the New Year to come I enjoyed watching little grandsons.  One in the car and truck stage ceaselessly drove over imaginary roads. Gifted with a new scooter he discovered ways to drive it around the house sitting down.  After a while he clambered up on the couch and snuggled next to me, one of many grandmothers who he senses loves and appreciates him.

The other child incredibly active is interested in so many things at once, continually. I am amazed at his unending energy.  How can he keep going? Very intelligent and somewhat mischievous, he sneaks up quietly and takes two cans of my Diet Coke. His mother, ever alert, follows him to his room where he thinks now he can enjoy his “soda” as he calls it. Speaking of his mom, she is busy making a new memories for us and fixes me healthy snacks and helps me figure out different things on the computer. She is incredibly smart and anything with the computer I ask her, in a jiffy she knows how to fix it, find it, and figure it out.

For a while we watch a cartoon or two, brilliant displays of color intriguing small minds. A puzzle or two, a story and finally two tired little people fall asleep in their beds, unaware New Years is about to happen around them.

For me in moments like these,  it is an oasis of peace born out of my belief that in spite of me not understanding how or why, God loves me and is taking care of me. It’s much like getting to know a new friend and going through that awkward period of getting acquainted. One day, you see your friend and you smile, you have a good warm sense of knowing “you’re friends”. Walking with God is like that for me. There are up’s and downs, fears and doubts, but sometimes just a beautiful sense of knowing, He’s there, He cares and it’s going to be alright no matter how my story ends.

This morning I started reading Romans. So much of it is in imagery I don’t understand, but I continue. For me the Psalms and Proverbs are standbys that I can turn to for comfort, wisdom and instruction almost all the time. I worry maybe I’m too much a creature of habit and am missing out on other things I need to read, I need to understand so I’m branching out and reading other places in the Bible.

 My day, luxurious break from work, is before me. I feel wealthy in health, in family, in home, in faith. Perhaps 2013 will be my year of Jubilee.

Enjoy your New Year’s day, look up, God is only a prayer away.

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen Romans 8:38