Day 5 of my 40 day renewal.

Well the better part of a week has come and gone. Early evening Labor Day I drove to the Columbia River. A county park, nearly deserted.  except for a silent fisherman, gave access to the banks of the River, moving, flowing, free to the Ocean. The broad expanse of sky seemed to stretch forever as unfettered views revealed vistas of mountains, hills, and river.

I love the shores of that River.  I have spent hours on its banks, enjoying the healing sound of its gentle waves lapping the shores; drinking in the fresh, sea-tinged air as waves of wind wash over me. That day was a special day. An awareness that the River had moved its course and now several miles of walking had been released. Barefoot I trudged along the sandy shores. Here and there; a small shell catching my attention; pumice, rough, round whitened orbs lying scattered along the banks.

Weathered, old pilings stretched out into the depths of the River, reminiscent of times gone by when perhaps fishing boats docked to unload their bounty. Across the River, the rich, greenness of forested hills comforted my soul. I love trees. I am often so thankful that I can still see them. Having lost sight in one eye through a detached retina I value my sight knowing it is a gift that can be lost.

My grandson, on his own silent trek brought me his find. A very old, very thick metal mail slot from a door. The metal, blue-green with age looked as if it had been through a fire, twisted, slightly melted at one edge. It appealed to me, a vestige from times past, a tribute to a time when solid was a measure of something’s worth. I took it to bring home and mount on a weathered board as a memorial to letters sent, mailed received in an unknown home, from unknown hands.

   We continued our hike down the sands of the River’s edge, now across the waters tall white cliffs of sand beckoned me and I longed suddenly for a boat to take me across the River to build a fire on the isolated shores, cooking rich, fragrant campers stew on its coals.

The skies began their shadowed dance of nightfall and I realized we needed to leave before darkness overtook us and found us walking silent through the night. The peace of those moments calmed me and permeated my soul with the awareness of God’s presence. Turning my face to the sky I sent my prayers upward with a sense of communion that I was heard and acknowledged.

We traced our steps back, my barefoot prints and his larger boy/man’s shoe-clad footprints. It had been a good beginning of our week, a time to relax, refresh and ready for the days ahead.  How fortunate I am that I am able to do this. What wealth I have of beauty so near. I am blessed.

The week? Well that has flown by. Three days for me of 11 hour days of work. Being with people, talking to people, page upon page of reports, case notes, treatment plans, ideas. I tried to be a listener this week, less of a problem solver, more of someone people could talk to, share their frustrations with and just be comfortable with. I tried to be authentic without losing my awareness that wisdom dictates you don’t share every thought you have.

Noon times found me walking, exploring the city that surrounds my job. It is a rich freedom of sorts to walk, look and explore. If I want to go into a store I do. If I want to ask questions, I do. It is a rich bounty of things, people and places with which I am unfamiliar. The homeless people, of which there are many, journey with me also. Some with suitcases, black plastic bags, shopping carts. Others, just doing their own thing; sitting, walking, talking. I see them and part of me cries out with an awareness of how little I am doing to help them. Caution born out of experience dictates, I walk on, pretending not to see their faces, rough-worn with lines of desperation, need and despair.

I’ve learned  which streets to stay clear of if I don’t want the visual assault of human desperate need. I don’t feel called to them as my mission, but still guilt tugs at my heart with the call to do something. Fleetingly I entertain the thought of volunteering at the homeless shelter but I let the thought go knowing I can only stretch myself so thin until overwork will break me and I will join the ranks of the needy.

And so I journey. My attempts have been to pack more healthy food so the eleven hour days don’t find me starving, tired and making poor food choices. I feel again like continuing my journey towards fit and made several commitments this week to help myself on that journey.

 1. Pack more food to take with me. Peaches, apples, carrots, cheese, lettuce etc. Enough so I can eat something every two hours or so.

2. I went and found the new location of the Weight Watchers meeting and met the new leader. I miss my last leader so much but not going has derailed my commitment to get fit. Without the accountability and weekly meetings I overeat, under-exercise and slip back into old habits.

3. I made a commitment to join and attend a working women’s support group. They have a weekly devotional, enjoy a cup of coffee or healthy smoothie, and work on their own commitment to fit.

4. Decided to  begin to start an older singles activity group at my church. Get a planning committee together, set some goals for activities and move ahead.

I think it was Dylan Thomas that said, “I will not go gentle into that good night.” For me that is how I feel. With God’s strength, with the prayers of friends and family supporting me, I will continue to be an active participant in life. With God’s grace, it will be a life worth living.

Promise

“You will show me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy. In your right hand are pleasures forever more.” Psalms 16:11

Blessing

May your week be blessed with the knowledge that God cares about you. And may you be filled with the comfort of knowing when you turn to Him; He will calm your every storm and be with you through your valleys, (even if they are valleys of weeping). Take care until next time.

In the Valley - 40 days of renewal/ Day 1

          The summer is about over, the trees are shedding their spring, growth greenery, dropping their yellow, orange and reddened leaves along the forest floor.

         

For me, this summer has been one of sadness. The warmth of the sun has been unable to touch the deep wounding of my heart, soul and mind.  I cannot share the cause for my pain, why? Well, in the Gospels, one of the most tender passages of Scripture is of Joseph, not wanting to make Mary a public spectacle, deciding to put her away privately. (this was before an angel came to tell Joseph that Mary had not been immoral but that she was the chosen one.) How kind, he didn’t want to cause her any more pain.

Well, that’s pretty much the reason I don’t want to talk about my heartache, it has the potential to just cause more pain. And so, here I am, my summer gone, longed for, anticipated, and so little enjoyed. Fall upon me I have continued to read my Bible daily, pray and attend church. Heartache doesn’t usually kill someone it just causes them to walk the paths of their live with a dull ache and wooden, desolate footsteps.

Today, I continue to try to shake off this despair and regain a focus for my life. God is still there, He didn’t die, just because part of my hopes did. And so, I begin again, to begin again.

I love that throughout the Scriptures so many significant events happened over a period of 40 days. I don’t understand the full importance of those forty day increments but this I know, somehow in God’s plan 40 has meaning. My own pilgrimage of moving past the pain of my grief and remorse has been a struggling one. It’s been almost two months and I just can’t seem to shake it. So I will begin a formal 40 day renewal effort. For 40 days I will apply myself to finding healing, renewal, hope, and courage to move forward with my life.

Counting my blessings helps me regain positiveness. I’m so fortunate. I can still walk, see, hear, think, talk. I have food, I have a home, I have vehicles that run. I have my Bible, a church home, a job, two cats, two dogs, family. My health, which has been remarkable, has taken a detour, I feel weak, sore, my kidneys hurt and I’m overwhelmingly tired, a lot. Good news is, after several years of not being covered by any medical, I now have a medical plan. I can start the long slow process of trying to see if there is some dark underlying cause that needs to be attended to.

I’m hoping, understandably, that all this pain, aches etc is just my bodies reaction to heartache. A naïve wish perhaps born out of an unwillingness to look at the fact that after a lifetime (63 years) of excellent health maybe something’s finally wearing out, breaking down, or diseased. I’m putting off the round of appointments, hoping in the meanwhile, I’ll feel better, perk up and go on my way.

Right now, I’m sitting on my bed, a gift from my mom.  Part of a 40’s bedroom set, inlaid woods, etched glass.  Such a comfort to me. As a small child I used to go into my mom’s room and play with her collection of glass perfume spray bottles she kept on the glass shelf of the vanity. My parents, deceased, still seem to speak to me through this tie to them through their belongings. I’m looking out my bedroom window to the woods. Early morning sun lights the cedar branches with  tinges of yellow. Birds call to each other welcoming the day. I’m so fortunate to live in this home. Woods, creek at the back, views of hills, and trees to the front. It’s also a very safe neighborhood. I am blessed.

I have a holiday today, a rich blessing I can hardly believe. My food shopping is done, my grandson’s school clothes are purchased and ready for a new year. I have a bounty of rich harvest in my home. Peaches I picked from trees, glistening in the sun on Sauvie’s Island. Apples, fresh from Hood River, crisp sweet.  Thank you God, for all of this.

I’ve been reading through the Bible from the beginning this summer. I’ve just finished Leviticus, and have begun Numbers. I honestly don’t understand all the significance of what I’m reading but here and there a passage sticks out to me. Occasionally another passage will come to mind in another part of the Bible and I will see how these early Scriptures tie into the unfolding of history and God’s plan. When I’m done with my daily reading of the through the Bible journey, I try to supplement my reading with portions of the Bible that are richly laden with promises. My spiritual vitamins if you will. Today, leafing through my underlined Bible reading a promise here, a promise there.

When overwhelmed, my Bible is like an old friend reminding me that God is faithful, He comforts the brokenhearted, He guides, He directs, He restores. Reading these promises, believing these promises helps me to go on and do the things I need to do, work, provide, maintain.

I also read three devotional books each morning. My Utmost for His Highest, (Oswald Chambers), Streams in the Dessert, (Mrs. Charles Cowman) and A Gentle Spirit, (a compilation of Christian’s women’s inspirations daily devotions.) These daily readings encourage me to keep on keeping on. To not despise heartache, but to learn from it, to glean from its somber depths a renewed compassion for others; a deeper understanding of despair with the view of mind I will be able to offer comfort that I learned in my own valley.

And so, here at this point of my life, on this point of the planet, (when viewed by Google earth) my small plot one of a vast number of similar plots covering our globe, I am.  Where do I go from here? Not sure. I knelt next to my bed today, “God,” I asked. “What do you want me to do?” Well, I didn’t get an audible answer, just a calm renewed slight awakening of a sense of purpose. Not a loud, “This is the way, walk ye in it.” Just a small, renewed, slight awakening of a sense of purpose.

     I’ll take that. It’s much better than just feeling like giving up, which has been how I’ve been feeling. Oh not suicidal, giving up. Just a giving up on trying to love people and help people. Just a return to doing my own thing and surviving the best I can without the disappointing, disheartening work of pouring my life into people who not only don’t appreciate it but who hurt me as much as they can as a reward for my sacrifice.

      Some of you reading this can identify. In your life, perhaps you’ve tried as hard as you can to show God’s love to someone, or ones only to have it turn out horribly. It’s surprising to me that I would be so shocked. The very Bible I love tells story after story of how treacherous people can be even in the face of people trying to love them and help them.

     It’s almost a “coming of age” kind of mark of Christian experience. Am I willing to keep on? Yes I am, but only by the grace of God’s mercy, power and spirit being poured into me. Me personally, I’m empty on the loving the unlovable at this point.

    It is comforting to me that Jesus called his disciples away to refresh themselves at the sea and the mountain. Even those who daily walked, talked and ate lunch with Jesus needed to get away. I have today. Unsure of how God wants me to spend this day. Me, I want to lay on the beach, water food at hand and just soak in the warmth of sun, the sound of the waves and the fresh sea air. We’ll see.

     It is day one of 40 I am devoting to renewal. Baring my soul is a good beginning. Trying to let go of all the “must do’s” in my life might be a good next step. Learning to rest in God’s healing presence while He restores my soul might be the only step I can take.

Psalms 57:1 In the shadow of your wings I will make my refuge until these calamities pass by.

If you are in your own valley, get out your Bible and re-read the Psalms, there are so many portions of comfort, hope and encouragement.  Until next time, be blessed and take care.

         

The Should Have, Would Have, Could Haves............

Recently, it struck home to me that there existed a need to step up my involvement with people who were experencing

Day 108 Begin again, to begin again.....

     

Well, July was for me a month of changes. Different job, different hours. Stepping out onto the waters of the unknown trusting, (well actually trying to trust) that God will sustain me and enable me to do the things I need to do. There were a few bright moments in the month; a couple camping trips; the smile of grandchildren; trips to the beach. Over-all, I quit exercising to the degree I have been; and ate more. All of which adds up to a weight gain of six pounds. Yikers.

     I am unwilling to keep going in this direction. The strength and endurance I gained in this last year of exercising was hard won. The 40 pounds I lost were victories of daily making better choices. So……. I will begin again, to begin again. The last few days of July are upon us. Even the summer days, laying hot in the bright sun have a chill in the air as night falls. Yesterday, an afternoon drive to the beach saw me, an avid beach walker go to the comfort of the van to sit and admire the waves. As we parked the van at the overlook, three seniors in hover-rounds (electric wheel-chairs) where there, admiring the waves, bundled up. I should have seen them and realized all too soon, those days will be upon me and perhaps chair bound I will long for the days of being able to hike, and beach-comb. However, that day, I just wanted to sit.

     I had gone to my beloved Weight Watchers meeting that morning to find out some unpleasant news, my leaders had been told they would be replaced by some “new faces”. The two ladies who have anchored these meetings have been there for a number of years. I’ve joined, I’ve quit, I’ve lost, I’ve gained; but always they’ve been there with smiling faces, encouraging words. Over my struggle with food they’ve been a support for me, people who don’t berate me but encourage me to begin again to begin again. To never give up. I will miss them, and it makes me feel sad.

    I also miss my friend from my old job. He and I walked many noon hours sharing discussions about God and end times. We walked through woods in spring, summer, winter and fall. We admired the first flowers, the red tint of the late fall leaves. I miss him and I miss our walks. At my new job I’ve trundled out 3-4 days over the last three weeks. I walked down to the in-city lake and found several spots to admire the large trees, the water and the blossoming lilies. A few white geese, and peaceful ducks shared their home with me as I relaxed and tried to re-group for the learning curve the new job is presenting.

    But, between the lake and I there are blocks of city streets with lights, and noise and people coming and going, coming and going. I find myself resenting the street lights and the waiting, waiting, waiting for them to signal walk. An urge to “Jay-walk” comes upon me repeatedly but I so far am resisting the urge. So, as the new month is ushered in, I will begin with new resolve to tackle my “getting fit” program. I don’t believe I will continue to go to Weight Watchers. My leaders are gone, the meeting itself it moving to an old building and at this point I’m looking for other options. My medical insurance will begin this week. One of the absolute God blessings of the new job. They pay for my medical. I chose Kaiser coverage and I know they offer “fitness” programs. I will check those out.

   One of my children is getting fit; running several times a week. Doing some high-intensity work-out. She ran a 5k recently which went up and down a number of steep hills. Maybe I can walk with her while she runs? Don’t know but I do know this, “ I want to wake up feeling excited about my days again. Eating too much and not getting enough exercise has impacted my life. Instead of offering “freedom” the lack of discipline set me back a few paces.

  

     So, now, I set my mind and I prepare. My daily devotions continue. Over the last month I added something different. I’m reading the Bible from beginning to end, a chapter a day. So many wonderful stories. So many times where God communicated with man, and when man goofed up, how God was willing to help and restore. I have just finished reading about Joseph. Beautiful story with a happy ending. But, through it all a lot of suffering. Accepting that suffering and trials are part of life and not shirking or running away from them has been a continual challenge in my life. Accepting that pain, work, frustrations come even when you want to do what’s right is a lesson hard learned. My new job is difficult. New processes, new people, new dynamics. I had a headache for three days while I struggled with the electronic medical record keeping system. And, something new for me the people who work there are very close knit. They interface continually, through-out the day.

     Where I’ve been working over the last 3.5 years, for most of the day I “did my thing”. Lecturing, 1x1’s, groups, paper processing. Somedays I only said “hello to a few folks and kept my head down and worked hard. It was that busy.

My new job is on a different time scale. People talk to each other. Some of the workers seeing my puzzled face have tried to explain it to me. Things are done differently, the dynamic among workers is relational, not point a to point b. Oh there are crunch times, but in the main, it is a much slower pace. I’m trying to adapt, and learn a new record keeping system, and get to know the clients. I am still at the “pressure cooker” stage. There is so much I don’t know. So many questions I have. It’s embarrassing not to know, and humbling. All of which makes me want to comfort myself with food. Which is NOT working. I’m gaining weight and I know where that goes, been there, done that.

    So, here I am beginning again, to begin again. To those of you out there struggling to start-over, welcome aboard! Life is good and God is a constant source of help and love. God is a very present help in time of need. I need Him now to help me get excited about this project. I'm in a blah state of mind about the efforts and work I need to take. I will pray, I will ask, and I will not GIVE UP. Much of life is just not giving up.

  Join me, share your thoughts. Take care and be blessed.

Day 107 Fourth of July and Camping

Fourth of July & Camping      Day 107

 The Fourth of July was a quiet day for me, parade, at home and then fireworks. There was a continuity of sorts, a salute to flags, and red, white and blues. A hello/goodbye to family, potato salad, watermelon and lights across the darkened summer skies. The weather was perfect; a warm summer day with cool breezes to relieve any discomfort.

I was up at five and the drove my truck down to the parade route laden with chairs for family. The streets were empty, little indication of the festities to come. We set up chairs in the traditional spot and then wove a length of rope through them all. I backed the truck in and our spot for parade watching was anchored.

The mile or so home we walked, me delighted that the last push up a hill through wooded patches I was able to walk without having to take a breather. There was a time I couldn’t take that hike without stopping several times.

      Later, near parade time we hiked back down and joined other extended family members gathering for the traditional small town parade. The children armed with buckets and bags eagerly awaited the start. And so there, with children, and grandchildren and shirt-tailed relatives I watched as fire trucks, logging trucks, floats, clowns and assorted groups of small town folk walked and rode past our spot.

     So much fun watching little ones, (and a few parents) scramble for the tossed candy. The excitement of watching the children eye the horses dressed in their Fourth of July finery. Finally the parade ended and everyone dispersed to their respective picnics. This year, for the first time in my life, I was alone on the Fourth. I sat at home peacefully eating my forbidden potato salad enjoying the afternoon of sun, and quiet and peace. I got a call and an invite to a picnic but I declined; I appreciated the offer but sometimes a quiet time it needed to mark the transition to a differing phase of life.

      For me, it is a transition to a different job, an immensely challenging thing for me to undertake, but one I feel is the open door God has provided. And, I am on the brink of being an empty nester after raising children non-stop for forty-two years. It will soon be me and the cats and dogs and early morning birds.

       The next day, early we set out and loaded our van with tent and cooler, food and stuff. A camping trip up the Columbia Gorge was planned and I had the joy of having a daughter, son-in-law and three grandchildren come along. We all piled in my beloved van, (finally rescued from the car lot where it didn’t sell after three months.) My daughter had worked hard and yummy, gooey cinnamon rolls made our early morning journey much more enjoyable. We left not knowing exactly where we’d camp but left knowing there would be vacant sites eventually. An incredibly beautiful bright sunny day greeted us as we drove down I-5 into Portland, catching I-84 East. The iridescent sheen of the Columbia River nestled quietly on our left as we drove further into the Gorge.

A favorite spot of hiking and camping has been for me and my family Eagle Creek, a unique campground nestled into the hills just past Bonneville Dam. There, early stonework walls and bridges and pathways bear tribute to the men who participated in the work crews, the CCC (Civilian Conservation Corp) that covered our nation during the Great Depression. They created trails and parks, and incredible buildings, leaving a legacy for those of us who followed.

 Eagle Creek trail, part of the famed Pacific Crest trail, starts up from the base of the creek and winds through the woods higher and higher. You could, if prepared, physically and with food enough hike that trail the length of Oregon, California into Mexico. It was a dream of mine in times past to do that, now, I believe I will accept just hiking portions.

The campgrounds, about a ½ mile through the woods are a non-reservation site. We drove up hoping a spot would be open. What we found were multiple open sites affording us the luxury of picking the best. We selected a huge site, capable of supporting six or more tents and there we set up our equipment.  Right behind our site, a beautiful trail wound down to the base of the creek. The younger grandchildren were a little hesitant to hike the trails and needed encouragement to walk along 
powered by their own strong young legs. 

     We took them across the hanging suspension bridge and took a trail to the East that followed the base of the creek. The played for a while in the creek, watching tiny fish, throwing rocks, basking in the sun.The older grandson found a perch in the middle of the creek and enjoyed the cold mountain stream while taking a short sun bath. The kids started to be restless and I encouraged everyone to hike up the trail headed towards the crest of the hill. The children hiked, were carried, and hiked several miles. We rested briefly at a lookout where we could see the Columbia River far below us, glistening in the sun.

We hiked back down the trail and went to where the River and Creek meet and found a place for the kids to play in the water. A rock wall was built to define a play area and the kids splashed and played testing their boundaries. We explored the path that bordered the Columbia River and enjoyed watching a fisherman land a huge, (over 6 foot) Sturgeon. The fisher man, measured the fish, looked up at us perched on a cliff above his head and called, “It’s too big, I have to let it go.”

A pathway led up to a unique group campsite called the Overlook but we discouraged the young children from going on it. They were eager to explore. Hiking back to the campground, my four year old grandson spied a new trail up the hillside. “Come on grandma,” he called. “It’s a secret trail!”  “We don’t know where it goes, maybe we’d better not.” I answered. He to my surprise and delight said, “Don’t’ worry Grandma, I’ve got a map in my pocket!”

So he and I took the secret trail pushing pack overgrowth to make our way up the hill that eventually reached the campground. There, hungry we made a fire and my daughter prepared camper’s stew. Ground beef, onions, potatoes cut and wrapped in foil. These huge packages were placed on the steel grates above the heat of the coals and fire. We waited, hungrily as our dinner cooked. My daughter is owner of a high tech pedometer, one that you wear as a bracelet and connects by wi-fi to phone, computer etc. She let us know we had walked eight miles that day. Tired, hungry the kids threw a Frisbee until finally the fragrant hot foil packets were opened and we ate campers stew with loads of sweet red ketchup.

Yummy cookies, soft chewy, oatmeal, chocolate chip, coconut “Gramma’s cookies, (my mom’s) and soft chocolate chip cookies waited in a large Tupperware container. We munched and enjoyed the fire. The kids wound down, as did I and we left the two older guys to discuss gaming, (X-Box) movies and ghost stories by the flickering firelight. Early the next morning I made my coffee and greeted my daughter and two small grandchildren. We hiked down the trail to the overlook and allowed the kids to explore the trail up to the overlook camp.  We hiked back and joined the other campers eager for breakfast. My daughter cooked thick slices of smoky bacon and piles of hot pancakes.

We packed up and headed out to explore Bonneville Damn. We took a tour of the plant, watched the fish through glass windows. Driving the road to the Damn I spied a sign that said Robin’s Island.  I secured a promise that I could get a picture with the sign later. Having looked at all the things in the Damn site itself we headed back to Robin’s Island and found a playground and park. We ate our lunch at a picnic table and allowed the kids time to enjoy the playground. I explored a trail that skirted the park and a covered picnic shelter. My daughter announced we’d walked four miles that day.

Tired finally we decided to head home and set out. Fifteen miles from home I asked to stop at a Wal-Mart and bought ice cream for everyone.  We dropped my family off, headed home and I fell asleep in my chair watching TV. It had been a good weekend.

Day 106 - After the storm..............

      

     There is what appears to be a queen bee buzzing around my room today. She is looking for something, a place to nest, something to eat, I don’t know. She appeared out of nowhere and her loud buzz, buzzing disturbed my early morning devotions. I suppose eventually I will shoo her out the window with broom in hand. Right now, she’s ok, peacefully sitting on my ceiling looking down at me.

    For me, I kind of feel like that bee. Watching, waiting, only now, wonders of wonders, a door of opportunity has opened up for me. I am waiting, ready to take the steps through that doorway. I am amazed that soon after that prayer at the altar of week or two ago, the iron brass of heaven has opened and prayers for my life are being answered.

    I’ve grown used to waiting and it feels odd to have the wait over.  I have to keep reminding myself that yes, God has answered prayers of myself and many of my beloved church members. After commuting for four years 2.5 hours a day, I have gotten a job 20 minutes from my home. A job that matched my salary, pays for my medical, (I’ve had no coverage for several years), and has all kinds of additional perks and bonuses. More time off, 401 K contributions, more sick leave, more holidays, and four day weeks. That means, I’ll have 3 day weekends every week.

   I gave my notice at my current job, finding it a little hard to do. I’m Union and way up on the seniority list. I know that job, I know the people, it’s a difficult job, but I can do it. But……. I’m tired and the cost of commuting - energy wise, money wise has been horrendous.

    And so, 9 days from now I will go to my first day at the new job. Thank you GOD!!  A new chapter in my life.

        This morning I walked out and visited my roses. They are valiantly putting out their blooms in spite of my neglect. My cherry trees are full leaved and the branches the deer can’t reach are lacy barriers to the predicted hot sunny day. My outside kitten, Skipper, (Skippy for short) eats his breakfast in the morning sun, fresh morning air bathing our world in it’s breezes.

        This morning I’ve been finding things I’ve lost for weeks, my office keys, my social security card, a turquoise necklace from Mexico I love, the last of my checkbooks, the cord to my keyboard. It’s as if a freedom has been poured into my life and the stuck places are being unstuck.  I know that’s not a very philosophical explanation but that’s what it’s like I know God is pouring out a blessing as a result of the prayers of my church. Yes I’ve prayed, daily, but I believe that the persistence of some of my church prayer warriors have helped immensely to open the doors of heaven. Jesus told us to pray without ceasing and in everything let our requests be made known unto God. The Bible is full of stories where people prayed and then waiting and then…… the answer came.

         I truly believe these last four years have refined my character. Oh I don’t think I’ve arrived, but I do believe the combined extenuating circumstances have helped sand out some of the rougher places of my life. I know there will be new challenges, new adventures, but for now the release from the burden of the commute, the financial impact, the daunting work load are just a great source of relief and thanksgiving.

        A holiday week is on the horizon and I chose to use my last remaining vacation day to have a four day weekend. I am torn between going camping up the Columbia Gorge and staying home and devoting myself to cleaning, organizing and getting ready for the next phase. 

I really think the camping will win. I love cooking over an open fire a hot dog or two. Enjoying the wood smoke, waking up to brisk morning air and the wealth of a day ahead with water, hikes, trees, and lakes spread out like rich, green emeralds for the taking.

         I do have three more days at my current job. Busy ones packing 5 days of work into 3; letting my clients know I’m leaving, saying my goodbyes, packing up my small office and closing my files. This chapter in my book of life is closing. I have prayed and tried to pour my life out into the lives of the hundreds of men and women who’ve I’ve had the privilege of being counselor to.  I’ve prayed for them, my church has prayed for them and I’ve worked very hard, (with God’s strength) to provide them with lots of opportunities to change their lives. To dream a new dream, to find hope, to connect with their Higher Power, to believe that with God anything is possible, including staying clean and crime free.

       Now, I’m off to my Weight Watchers meeting, weekly shopping and a list of to-do’s.

       I want to thank those of you who have lifted up prayers for me. I want you to know our God is faithful and He has provided a way of escape for me so that I can bear my load. 

Thank you God,

Today, I have joy in the morning.

Seek God, pray and be blessed. Until we meet again….

Robin