I Can Still See the Sky

 

Day 1 – I can still see the sky…..

Recovering from an accident where broken, fractured bones have created so much pain, I’ve had to regroup finding my “happy” self. For many weeks, dizziness from head injuries kept me sort of “off-kilter”. I migrated from bed, around the house, to recliner, to bed. I have watched more news and podcasts then then the combined rest of my 74 years of life. My tiny dog and I have ongoing one-sided conversations. Good news, he doesn’t talk much lol.

        I am still reading my daily devotionals and my Bible. Sometimes what I read touches my heart and soul and I send up prayers of thankfulness. Other times, nothing resonates, and I have moments where I search for verses that have some meaning for my current, wounded body and soul. I claim those promises taking comfort in the fact that one man who came to Jesus was very honest and said to Jesus, “I believe, help thou my unbelief.” I also try, ‘counting my blessings.’

        I have food, home, bed, blankets, electricity, water, safe neighborhood, money to pay bills, some family, friends, and can still see, walk, think and talk. I am truly blessed.

The above helps most times I am discouraged. Sometimes though, when I keep hurting physically, or I am unable to do things, like open a bottle of water, simple task yet requires being able to turn the lid. My right hand, wrist and arm are injured and I can’t open water bottles, or a thousand other tasks I could normally do. Then I have nagging thoughts, “Why God?”  “What now?”

        This moment, I am sitting in my dining room, looking out the window at the clouds, the sky and the hills some miles away. The sun is poking through the patches of blue and seeing that makes me happy.

 I’ve been housebound for 7 weeks unless my kids could drive me. Yesterday, dizziness finally gone, having the ability to have more use of my right thumb gave me the courage to drive to my local stores. I bought a little food, and some pet care items. It was such a big deal to me. The privilege to carefully get in my car, and drive! Today I have a longer jaunt for physical therapy. I will take it oh so slowly, (without becoming a road hazard, lol).

So back to the questions of;  “Why God?, “What now?” I’m transparent with God about how I’m feeling and thinking. When my own faith runs low, I just keep reading the Bible and praying. I don’t know why, I don’t know what now, but this I know, God is faithful.

Now, watching the trees are they are gently touched by the sun and the breeze I feel blessed. My future plans list is pretty small, along with my daily to-do list, but I’m still here. Moment by moment I will continue on with the grace of God being the support through the times when the future looks dim, and the present seems kind of hard.

I am claiming the following verse:

 

“Hope in God and I will yet praise Him for the help of my countenance.”

Abridged: Psalm 42:11

 

The Journey Continues - Me, Myself & I

It's been more than a bit since I blogged. Life happened, continues to happen and so many details seem to get in the way of reflecting on what is happening.  

I just returned from a solo trip to Disney World. People ask, (with looks of disbelief I might add), "You went to Disney World by yourself?"

    "Yes", I reply, "By myself." Whoever asked the question will generally look puzzled for a bit. This to them, seems unheard of, unnatural, weird.  I totally understand, I do. I've spent much time with family over the years at Disney World. I have memories of the excitement, joy, frustration of multiple family members experiencing Disney World with all of its beauty, music, excitement, entertainment. 

However, this year, I chose to go alone. 

     I work with young adults who are finding their way in the world. Anyone working with young adults will understand that 'finding their way' can and does involve a lot of struggle. That struggle translates into behaviors that can be less than shall we say desirable to be around. My goal is, to help people, and to do no harm.

    Often that means bearing with the struggling individual who might be over-the-top in how they are expressing themselves. Enough said. Over time, holding steady while people are spinning out is wearing...... it's as if my energy bank flashes on and off, "Warning! Warning!"

   And so I planned my trip. Oh note to self, unless you've been to Disney World, a lot of what I feel might seem to be a bit too much of 'fairy dust', and hyperbole. 

   Not for me, I have walked, watched, listened, participated in so many wonderful, experiences while at Disney World, it is my 'happy place'. So with that in mind, I planned my get away. Watching U-tube videos, researching strategies to experience as much as I could every waking moment of the Disney Days. 

   Now, home for over a day, I look back on my week at Disney World and treasure every moment. From the moment I arrived at the Orlando Airport, people were nice to me. The airport transport driver, so kind, friendly. The All Star Movies motel staff, "Wonderful!!!" I arrived early morning after an all night, 'red-eye' flight. Check in at hotel, is 4 pm. I explained my situation and the staff, helped me with a room, immediately. I found my room, clean, soft beds, pleasant, near a huge statue of Woody from Toy Story. I felt at home. 

   For a brief moment I thought, "Hmm, I guess I should sleep." I should have put that brief as BRIEF!

Unpacking my belongings quickly I headed out to the Parks. As I waited outside the hotel for the next Disney bus I reflected that one of the reasons  I love staying at Disney Hotels is because they are kind, helpful, and they have transportation right there. I've rented cars before at Disney World but that just complicates things.

   Hopping on a Disney Bus just brings more magic. I love watching the families. So precious!! Their special clothes, happy faces, excitement about going to the parks and riding their favorite rides, and seeing their favorite characters. While riding the bus on the way to the Park, I pray silently and thank God for allowing me this break to refresh my heart, soul, mind, body and spirit.  

   It would take me a whole book to describe all the wonderful things I did all 6 days in the Parks. All the people I met, the stories I heard, the special moments where  I wanted to cry because I felt so happy.

I'll share just one example. One day, an Animal Kingdom day I decided to ride the little train  next to Kilimanjaro Safari. I've taken the train ride, maybe a dozen times before. It goes past the places animals stay when not outside, and ends up in an animal hospital where some animals have surgery.

 

 They have re-themed a large area in the same building as an animation, drawing experience. The walls are incredibly painted with pictures of hundreds of animals. You can watch the surgeries through glass windows. A Disney cast member came over and talked with me. She is an animator, and is one of several staff who teach the drawing class. She walked me around the facility showed me the drawings on the walls, gave me the history. She described the drawing  class and with some hesitation, I decided to join the class. Another Disney animator walked Disney guests through drawing a cartoon character. At first I felt silly, I'm not much of an artist. But it ended up being fun! I listened, I watched and I drew. Surprisingly my drawing looks cool, (to me). 

   I finished the class and went outside to walk back to the train. I saw the sweet cast member who had visited to me, taken me on a tour of the facility and encouraged me to take the class.  "It was fun!" I told her and thanked her for helping me. She smiled, and handed me a huge drawing she had made of Minnie Mouse. "Here", she said, handing me the drawing. "I want you to have this." Wow!! How cool." I thought. She asked me my name, put it on the drawing with her name and the date. I stored the drawing at Guest Services while I completed my day at the Park. A treasure now for me to frame and remember that happy experience. 

   For 6 days I soaked up the magic. Enjoying every moment, walking 6 - 7 + miles a day. There were so many special experiences on rides, on boats, on Monorails, on buses, at presentations, restaurants. I met so many people and had so much fun. 

  In the mornings, before the parks I read my devotionals, my Bible and drank my coffee. I am grateful to God that I was able to take this trip. Blessed beyond measure. God is faithful. When He sees life is a bit "too much" for his children, He mercifully helps us.

  Going back to work after getting in at midnight the night before, I felt calm, ready to face the challenges of working with youth struggling to find their paths in the world. I try and help every student I meet. Sometimes, I can see that I have helped and that's a great feeling. Other times, I can't see that I've made any impact. However, one special joy and a privilege I have in my current employment is driving students to church. Any given Sunday I don't know who will come to my building and put their name on the list to ride in the van to church. But I do know that some of these students have connected with their Higher Power, God, and those life-changing decisions will impact the rest of their life in a good way. 

    I love the following verse. I believe that God saw my  heart, my need and allowed me this time away to rest, refresh and renew.

   "God is faithful, and He will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it."I Corinthians 10:13

  If in your life, right now you are facing things too difficult, too painful to bear, pray and ask God to help you and He will. 

  Always,

  Robin

    

   

To those of you who wonder, "Did she die?" What happened to her?.... "It's like she dropped off the face of the earth."

 Here is an update.


In some ways it felt like that. But, God is faithful, I am strong, healthy and most of the time, yes, most of the time happy. 

I've been reading a lot recently about how God uses the sorrow, sadness, difficult things in our lives to deepen the quality of our character. In the middle of the fire, it's hot. That's a given, but fire, or difficulties burn away the dross.

Well, I haven't reached perfection this side of heaven but I do feel like I've gained perspective. And this is useful how? you might ask.
Perspective gives you a way to approach painful times and know that they are temporal, temporary and only for a while. Knowing that allows you the ability to think past your immediate crisis. 

And much more than that, perspective allows to realize that God is faithful. Yes, life can be heartbreaking. Yes, people can let you down, betray you, etc. But God is Sovereign. That's a perspective that gives hope, that gives purpose and infuses any situation with peace.

Not sure the direction this blog is headed. But just wanted to give an update.

Remember, trust God, believe and your 

Joy will come in the morning!!! 

Patch of Blue, Twenty-First Century Style

         When I was little, there was a movie called, Patch of Blue. As a young person watching this movie it seemed so sad, a blind, abused young woman in love with a black man. This during the racially charged era in America. It also seemed so sad to me that all she could remember seeing, was one patch of blue. How unfair. How tragic.

       The name of the movie reckoned back to the young woman's memory of what the sky looked like. Today, I sit in a home perched above a valley, small rural town, houses patch-worked on the valley floor. In the near distance, a network of hills forms a border for the ever changing skies. Early morning today, the highest hills were painted a golden hue by the rising of the sun. Last night, the evening sun colored the skies in rich tones of pink and fading reds.

   

 I am so fortunate to have had vision all these 65 years. I am grateful and aware of what a wonder it is to see all the beauty of the earth, free for the taking. I know, sometimes, I am tempted to shield my eyes from the sight of homeless people peering distractedly into my car window. I don't want to meet their eyes, knowing from experience how difficult it is to make any impact into their tortured existence.     I want to shut my eyes when faced with commercials that show children suffering with massive birth defects, still trying to be positive in their struggles.

  In my life, I have to draw a circle of sorts around those things that I can deal with in any given day. I rely on God to give me strength, but the faith to step out into areas where I don't 'feel' like I have any strength means I watch myself. Maybe it's a form of control, or more realistically, it's a form of survival.  Each day, I sort of have a must do list. There are things on that list that have to get done. Yes, things can displace those listed items. If the family members get sick or need help, my list goes out the window.

 

  Recently, it's been a mixture of both, things on the must do list, and taking care of sick family members. Some of the things on the list, still remain on the back of my mind, nagging with their own voices. "What about your new roof?"  "Isn't it still leaking?"  "Shouldn't you call them again?" or "What about that home repair loan you need?"  "Didn't they say you needed to get it done as soon as possible?" The list goes on, and it's a long list.

   Two of my current favorite authors are Charles Stanley and Joyce Meyers. I will read something they've written and it seems to hit right where I'm at. Recently two themes they've shared are, acquiring the virtue of patience, and learning to wait. Two sides of the same coin.    I have a lot of "wait" time right now. Situations that are unresolved, troublesome, annoying and pending. One situation that has evolved over several months is my leaking roof. It was a matter of concern and prayer for months. "How will I ever fix this God?"  "Where will I get the money?"  Day after day I prayed, week after week I waited. Month after month went by. And then, one day, a miracle occurred. A bank loan officer figured out the way to loan me the money.

   

Hurray!!! Then, more waiting for the roof contractor to find the time to replace the roof. So the day came, the banging, the hammering, and at the end, a new, pretty roof. And then, it leaked. More calls, more visits, more calls, and then more waiting. Some pressure to finish paying before it was fixed. Me, in faith, and some fear and trembling saying, "No, it's still leaking." Today, hearing that they were at my home installing the new, company bought skylights that will hopefully stop the leaking roof, I sigh.  I so love those skylights, showing the patch of blue skies on sunny days; revealing the wind swept clouds on stormy days; echoing the patter of rain on rainy days. Sitting in my family room, I can look up, beyond my situation and see God's hand reflected in the framed wonder of his canvas.

     I love my own 'patch of blue' and am in hopes that this final repair will end the whole leaking roof saga and take it off my "must do" list. Learning patience to wait for God's answers to all the other must do's will require I try to stay focused on His word and His promises and not on my fear, not on my anxiousness, not on my need.

     If you like me, are in the midst of multiple situations that need resolved, perhaps you'll find encouragement and hope by reading some of the devotionals by Joyce Meyers, or Charles Stanley. Additionally, I know if you read verses from the Psalms, you'll find comfort and strength for your soul.     I'm going to provide the links here so you can paste the web address into your browser and go. 

  

                                          www.intouch.org          Charles Stanley

 In Touch Ministries  

                                   www.joycemeyers.org 

Joyce Meyers Ministries

Well, until next time I hope each of you finds comfort and strength in the Sovereign God and His promises.

Robin

  

In God's Waiting Room

     

     There are those days, when the sun shines, the air is fresh and crisp and it just feels like good things are going to happen. 

     Those mornings, it's easy to face a to-do list because your mood, your spirit are ready to face anything. On those days, you set out, hopes high and wait for something good to happen.

      Understandably, inevitably, those days aren't the norm. I have found that moods aren't dependent on circumstances, but are apt to present themselves with all their challenges without warning, leaving you struggling to find the natural buoyancy that accompanies a good mood and wondering what happened.

    A lot of life has "what happened?" moments. As a senior in America, increasingly I am discovering that by in large respect for elders is decreasing. In a time when I could use support, encouragement and respect, it is discouraging to see that many, many people see Elders as people who are in the way of their "good time".  Elders are known as "buzz kills", "kill-joys", "old fogies", "stuck in the past", "narrow-minded", "biased", "prejudiced", "Old-fashioned",  the list goes on. 

     In some ways, it makes me want to retreat to the safety of my home, away from the snide remarks, rude comments, aggressiveness that all too often marks many of the younger people I meet, or have worked with.  Along with the flagrant disregard I've seen for Elders is the concomitant disregard for honesty.  I seen people who think nothing of using lying as a coping mechanism to cover up mistakes. Make a mistake? It's ok, just lie about it.

   

     Oh, there are wonderful young people. I know some and their integrity isn't something the take lightly. They have a firm sense of right and wrong, they believe, (for the most part) in God, and have a respect for life, family and Elders. 

 However, they are not in the majority.  So, staying positive in these later years of my life is a bit more challenging. (That's putting it mildly). 

   

 I find reading my Bible in the first part of the day, and late at night helps a great deal to stay focused on eternal values and helps me let go of the pain. Having devotional books to read, and help me focus supports a positive attitude. Praying, and then praying some more helps with the hurt and resentments. 

   I realize I was fortunate, I had good, responsible parents. They provided for me, they loved me. I am way ahead of the "life game" there. I also have had many, many opportunities in life. I have been blessed. And most importantly, I have had the wonderful priviledge to be a Christian for many years. Don't think I believe that makes me perfect, no, I know better than that. But it does make me aware of being forgiven, of learning about responsibility for my actions, and most painful, (growing through my mistakes). 

   The other day I was having some pain, physical, and I asked God, "God, can I live a while yet? I really enjoy my grandchildren."  Staying focused on enjoying the simple events in my life enables me to gradually get over some of the more painful experiences from the hands of people who brutally think Elders are just in their way. 

   Some of me wants to rise up, with other seniors and form a group to support each other before the social climate reaches the point where it's voted into law to euthanize everyone over 60.  Brave New Word, isn't that far from today, for sure. But then, as I look at life, evaluate my relationship to God I realize this phase of my life is going to need a different approach.

   Unlike much of our American culture, God doesn't put Seniors on the shelf, He has plans for them up to and including the day they die and they leave this earth. Praying to find that plan, and follow it is my Plan A. Seek God and follow in His footsteps,  even if I'm going a little slower, God doesn't mind.

Deuteronomy 31:8

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

The Ultimate Encourager

January 2-The ultimate encourager

MANY OF MY CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN participated in sports. There was Little League, Basketball, Football, Swimming and Track practices in seemingly unending procession. Child after child learned that lesson that a coach was someone who urged them to, “Try harder!” “Push yourself!” “Don’t be a wimp!”  The kids have had good coaches, great coaches and not so great coaches. The not so great coaches tended to be the ones that relied on put downs and public shaming.

A good example of a not so good coach is aptly illustrated by the following story. One late fall afternoon while my son Joseph was in High School, I can remember waiting at school for my son’s basketball practice to get over. The gym at the old Fort Vancouver School had a balcony where parents could wait and watch practice.  My son Joseph, a 6’7’ natural athlete loved basketball. He would shoot hoops in our back yard for long periods of time, perfecting his shot. In that practice, on that day the basketball coach decided to ridicule my son in front of his team mates. Waiting in the balcony, it was all I could do from restraining myself from telling the coach then and there what I thought of him, which wasn’t much at that point.

            My son, highly intelligent, gifted, sensitive, was horribly embarrassed and quit the team. No amount of encouraging on my part could get him to go back. He had lost heart. This coach, intended to be someone who built up the young men he worked with, instead with a few, insensitive put downs had wounded the heart of a very capable player. Most of us have had people in our own lives that have at some point in time, been those same insensitive people who wounded our hearts with their attitudes, actions and words. These people may have been parents, care givers, teachers, coaches, bosses, co-workers; the list could go on and on. Any person, in any capacity has the power to be an encourager or a discourager. The attitudes of heart, mind and emotions they cultivate will determine who they are to others.

            The good news for us as humans is that God’s not that kind of God. Instead of ridiculing us, putting us down when we fail at being “good”, or “noble” or any of the other of dozens of admirable character traits we aspire to be,  He is gentle, caring, compassionate and gives us a way out of the shame and pain of failing. First and foremost, He, God sent His Son Jesus Christ to pay the penalty for all our mistakes; past, present and future.  In a miraculous, unfathomable sacrifice, He died on the cross to make a way for us to be reconciled, (made right with) the Father, our Creator, God.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only, begotten son. That whoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

            How can any of us fathom what that free gift is worth? Can we measure eternity? Can we estimate the inestimable personal value of being free from guilt, free from a sense of worthlessness due to our poor choices? Can we understand how to value the priceless treasure of being able to come to God in prayer, knowing and believing that He hears us, that he answers and that He cares?  As each of us sets our course for the year ahead, deciding what place we will give seeking after God, is a challenge we all face. 

. Note to Self- Day 2- I will determine to appreciate all the free gifts that are mine. Life, breath, thought, sight, hearing, family and most importantly the fact that God loves me. I am blessed. I will learn to thank God for His goodness to me for salvation, for comfort, for strength, for provision, for purpose, for His sustaining power.

January 3- “Fool’s Gold”

AS A YOUNG CHILD I had the privilege to grow up in the country. We had woods, and fields, and rivers where I could play for hours. Building forts, exploring trails, fishing for trout, I had a wonderful life. Sometimes, I would hunt for gold. In hills, creeks, streams and rivers I would look for rocks bearing shining spots of gold. Gathering my treasures to show my father I can still remember the disappointment of him explaining to me about mica, or “fools gold.” For a brief moment, I thought I was rich!!! It didn’t seem right that there could be something that looked like gold, glittered like gold and yet was worthless.

            In life, the process of learning to sort through the worthwhile and the worthless things is part and parcel of being human. Most of us has had the unpleasant experience  of having similar “fools gold” moments. We’ve gone after relationships, careers, friendships that looked ever so promising and proved to be ever so disappointing. Learning from these mistakes will require that we take time to rethink ourselves. At this point, some people stop cold and decide to adopt a fatalistic viewpoint; “What will be will be.” “Whatever happens, happens.” “I’m just going to go with the flow.”  Others, become paralyzed by fear, afraid to make difficult choices because what they’ve tried has failed miserably.

Is there no hope out of this quandary (dilemma, predicament, fix, jam, difficulty)? Are we doomed to keep experiencing pain and suffering, pawns of fate and chance? Is there no way to figure things out? More good news! God has provided us with a way of escape from being hapless victims of the universe. Not only did He provide His Son as our Savior to reconcile (re-unite) us with Him. He gave us a guide book, the Bible, to help us sort out the questions of life.

 Reading this guidebook, the Bible, will help us while we are choosing what we value. What we value, creates the undergirding of our life plan. Our beliefs will determine the importance and significance of our attitudes, actions and practices. Choosing carefully requires that we include in our planning the process of thoughtfully considering the concepts of; good and evil, right and wrong, eternal vs temporal (earthly), the existence of God vs nothingness.  

Growing up, my mom had a plaque on our kitchen wall, it read, “Only one life, will soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last.”  Facing this New Year with the belief that our lives and the things we do (or don’t do) will impact others for eternity makes it very important that the foundation of our plans rests on a firm foundation of truth.

As a young grandmother raising three grandchildren I participated in the Head Start program. It was a wonderful experience and as part of that experience I was sent to Alaska as a representative. Anchorage in the winter was beautiful. In between the conference schedule I explored. The Iditarod Dog sled teams were assembling for their great trancontinetal race. In the park, elaborate, exquisite ice sculptors had been created. The ice sculptors were enormous and lit by ethereal lights. Intricate, amazingly executed they were there just for a few moments of time before they would perish forever. We like those sculptors are here for just a moment of time. If what we do impacts eternity how seriously should we give thought to how we spend our days?

“Teach me to number my days so that I will apply my heart unto wisdom.” Proverbs

. Note to Self- Day 2- I will continue to consider that I am created in the image of God. I will realize that through Christ I have eternal life. I will seriously consider that what I do impacts others, not only for now but forever. In light of this awareness I will carefully, prayerfully choose what I give my time and heart to this coming year.

January 4 – No Matter What

            OCCASIONALLY, I FEEL GUILTY for having such a blessed life. People who know me might think it odd that I believe that. They can see: I never found my true love, (divorced), I never won any beauty contests, (plain), I never did a lot of things. But, and this is important, I NEVER in my life have gone hungry. I have NEVER had a life threatening illness. I have NEVER lost a child to death. I have NEVER experienced more than a couple of days of not having a place to live. And, most importantly I have always had some sense that God was there, that He cared and wanted to help me.

            Oh, to be perfectly honest there have been those times in my life when younger when something bad happened I would cry and angrily accuse God with, “Why didn’t you stop this? You could of!” I might pout, I might rant, I might rage because I was angry, hurt and of so devastated. Eventually, I would come back to God and ask him to help me sort things out. It has always comforted me to read the Psalms when I’m going through trials of any kind. Not only do these Psalms talk about the tough things of life, it also talks about the tough part of our reactions to the pain. David was a real person who talked about feeling angry. He talked about wanting God to kill the people who had threatening him, lied about him, hunted him , and terrorized his tribe and family. He never sugar coated anything.

            Later on in Scripture there is a passage that states, “David was a man after God’s own heart.” If God liked, loved David who was really transparent about hating his enemies that gives me hope. Those times when I’ve found it impossible to love the people who’ve hurt me I know that God can accept my humanness and still love me. Does that me hating my enemies is the right thing to do? Does it mean we are supposed to not only want God to take revenge but to take revenge ourselves? Well, no it doesn’t.

            What I’ve discovered is that I am mellowing with age. As I continue to read my Bible, pray, ask others to pray for me I am gaining a new perspective. I still experience the anger when injustice is done. The pain is still there, but, and this is important, I take to God in prayer more quickly. I pray for God to help me love this unlovely, or these unlovely, individuals and to help me not to have bitterness, resentment and revengeful thoughts. I continue to pray for those people, no matter what. What I’ve seen that accomplish is that I reach a place of acceptance quicker. I reach a place of peace sooner. And, (very important) whatever they’ve done to me loses it’s power to wound me.

            Before anyone starts thinking this is just another version of “the power of positive thinking” let me clarify a few things. 1. There can’t be anything between me and God. 2.There can’t be any harboring of bad habits of mind, emotion or body. 3. I must filled with His presence. (Holy Spirit)  4. You can’t violate principles that are in the Bible. 5. You must be willing to be changed.

            The above transformation doesn’t happen automatically. It takes a willingness, a wanting to, a submission of your will, and a commitment to seeking God. Is all this work worth it you might ask? Yes, oh yes is my answer. I allows me the freedom to be free from suffering from what other people do to me. It takes the “sting” out of the actions. Through the power of the Holy Spirit I am able to “let it go” no matter what.

. Note to Self- Day 4- When stuff happens to me, I will run to the anchor of my soul, God the Creator of the whole world loves me and has promised to help me. “I will trust and not be afraid, for Yah, the Lord, is my strength and song. He also has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2”You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength. Isaiah 26:3-4

           

Day 5- Rediscovering Joy

            SOMETIMES. LIFE CAN WEAR YOU DOWN. War, sickness, poverty, bad marriages, wayward family members, oppressive work situations, addictions,  physical and sexual abuse are only a partial list of situations that can seemingly go on forever and wear your heart, mind, spirit and emotions down to a flat, painful, survival mode. Millions of people are in that mode right now, it’s awful but true. Possibly, you might be reading this and you are in that mode. The painful, hurtful situation goes on and on. You’ve tried everything you know to do to make it better. You’ve prayed, you’ve utilized every resource imaginable and still the unpleasant, almost unbearable situation grinds on. I used to describe this kind of situation to a pastor, “It feels like I’m hanging on to life with my fingernails and at any time I could just slip and fall into the pit.”

            The trauma experienced by people who go through awful life experiences impairs their ability to experience joy. They can imagine what it might be like; they can fantasize that someday the awfulness will end; but to experience it in the midst of the unending sorrow is well nigh to impossible. Psychiatrists I’m sure have a word to describe this prolonged exposure to trauma. In the battle zone, PTSD has gained recognition of a condition veterans develop as a response to the horrors experienced in war zones. I’m not sure if there’s another term for the prolonged exposure to stress, (outside the war zone). The closest I can come is “traumatization.”  Life and people have thrown a multitude of unpleasant, awful things at you, outside of your control, and you are worn down, worn out, and weary. You pray, at least I have, for it to be over.

            I used to sing all the time. I wrote songs, I performed them in church. Music was part of my life and response to the joy I felt in the Lord.  I wrote about God bringing me through the fire, and saving me from the flood. I wrote and sang about pleading with God to end the trials, acknowledging that He chooses the proper time. And then I went into the fire again. Like the furnace with Shadrack, Mesach and Abindego, it was heated seven times hotter. I stopped singing. I didn’t stop believing, but the music departed from my soul.  At times my excellent health faltered, and it appeared I might be ill. I set my feet, I continued to pray and determined not to quit. Things continued to go from bad to worse. I continued to pray, “God, is it time? Can I choose another path?” I continue to get the answer, “Wait.” And so I waited, but continued to wear down under the battle.

            And then the door opened. I was free from the situations. After several sighs of relief; thanks to God to bringing me out I realized I am going to have to relearn how to have joy in my life. I’m starting small. Helping my youngest clean while she recouped from a long bout of being sick brought me some joy. It made me feel happy to see my grandchildren smile at their rooms. Taking time to enjoy reading my Bible and morning devotionals, that brings me joy. Waiting for family in the truck taking time to appreciate the beauty of an outdoor light display, a small moment of joy.

            After a long siege of troubling circumstances you experience an emotional numbness. The healing process will take a while. Trying not to accomplish too much, too soon I believe promotes the healing. I am allowing myself to have some time to recoup, refresh and heal.

            With my hands in God’s, support of family and friends I believe moment by moment I will rediscover my joy. Learning to be patient with myself as I go through this process means I will consciously be kind to myself. Later, after this respite time, perhaps I will be better equipped to help others as they go through their own valley of weeping to rediscover their joy.

“Thou wilt show me the path of life, in thy presence in fullness of joy. Psalms

. Note to Self- Day 5-I will recognize and allow myself to heal from a negative, prolonged situation. I will be thankful that I am “cast out, but not forsaken cast down, but not destroyed.”

Day 6- 

In the Way Everlasting...........

January 1

NEW YEARS HAS A BLESSING wrapped up in its pages. It is filled with promise, potential, and the unknown. It is the unknowingness of facing the next 365 days that fills many of our hearts with fear. The “what ifs?” tend to hover in our thoughts and worry looms on our horizons of emotions, mood and motivations.

There are parts of the Bible that speak eloquently about the sacredness and joy of new beginnings. These stories all are grounded in the first and most blessed truth;

 “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” Genesis 1:1.

Our natural, human minds cannot begin to grasp the immensity of what those words embody. That in a point of the history of everything we can see, feel, touch, smell, comprehend, there was a beginning. There was a nothingness that existed, and then, in an incomprehensible Creation moment by a being, God the Creator, that surpasses anything any of us can begin to comprehend, the heavens and the earth were spoken into existence.  What power! What enormity! What wonder!

Presently, I can look out my window and see the lush cedar branches lit by golden sunlight, swaying in a chill, winter wind. Could I create that tree? If I really, really wanted to? If I worked, and studied, and worked my entire life, I could never create even one cedar tree. I cannot create the wind, or the sun, or the millions of other elements that make up my known world. I am and you are wonders of creation also. We accept what we are; we accept the gift of life, without understanding how or why we exist. We are born into the world as it were, blank slates, upon which are written in our hearts and minds longings to know, and be known by this Creator, God.

“So God created man in His own image, and in the image of God created He him. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.” Genesis 1:27,31

We are, made in the image of God. We were pronounced a good creation. We have each been gifted with the ability to think, plan, dream, work, create and fulfill our destinies.  How important is it to seek to know what we should do with our lives; to understand if we are merely captives in a world that is without purpose, a day to day existence that just happens? Or to know, beyond knowing that God, the Creator made us to live in His creation as vibrant, alive, purposeful beings with lives marked by purpose, and passion and fulfillment of vision.

A New Year, this New Year beckons with open arms for us to seek with open hearts and minds to know what our purposes are for this year. To pray and ask God to illumine our thoughts with His plans, His purposes so that the goals we create, the plans we make fall in line with His purpose and plan for our lives.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to given you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

            Unsure? Don’t know where to start? Keep these three things in mind: 1. Be willing to seek God. (Humbleness) 2. Read the Bible daily. (Diligence) 3. Pray and ask God for His guidance. (Openness).

. Note to Self- Day 1- I will see my world as one filled with possibilities. I will envision myself as partners with the Creator of the Universe to plan my days, to fulfill my purposes. I will endeavor to see each day as a priceless gift upon whose page I have the privilege of writing my purpose in planned, creative actions.