Day 2, Rush, Rush, Rushing

Up at 4 am today. Needed to get things done before my day began. Made a bowl of oatmeal, comforting, warm, enough to carry me through till lunch. Devotionals, quiet time and off to work.

A lot of what I do is done a fairly brisk pace, (that’s an understatement if there ever was one.) Much of what I do is at a dead run. People to see, notes to write, treatment plans, lectures, groups, emails, phone calls, discharge summaries, meetings, (after meeting, after meeting). Much of me wants to slow things down and do everything with a greater attention to detail. At times, I feel as if I’m in the McDonalds of the treatment world because of the high volume of people we treat.

I might sound like I’m complaining, I’m not. It’s very fast paced and I don’t get bored. But when all is said and done, the long days, longer commute impact my own home life and I tend to get into the same rush, rush, rush mode. Not good for soul or body.

Yesterday, after my Day 1 blog, I got out of my truck and began a brisk walk in the city park. Here and there the sun broke through the cloud cover and a patch of blue sky bore promises of brighter days to come. The path, bordering a lazy river, supported lush trees, waving gentle in the subtle breezes. Evening coming, the birds sang their good night songs from branches full of spring, growth greenery.

I chose a path I named, “least likely to be mugged on”, since I was alone, and evening was coming. Around and around I went, enjoying the spring smells, the bird songs, and the broad expanse of clouds and skies.  I walked  steady for 40 or so minutes and realized I was tired, and needed to go home and rest. Another day done I tucked myself into bed and promptly fell asleep.

New day, new challenges. People with issues, people with problems, paper work. Lectured on cross-addiction, filling the white board with all the things that can come into life and suddenly tip the balance by becoming too much a focus, upsetting a person’s equilibrium and creating chaos.

Noon time, my floor to ceiling windows revealed an iffy weather pattern that might let me walk for a while. Grabbing a coat I walked the blocks to the local library where I sat on a quaint park bench enjoying the fountain and the few warm rays of sun on my face. Ah, apple and cheese. Satisfying, healthy.

Inside, a free magazine box beckoned and out I came  joyus with an armful of interesting magazines I will never have the money to buy. The walk back proved a little daunting as the huge armful of magazines got heavier, and heavier. Sharp back pains alarmed me a little, but I trudged on. Back at the treatment center I treated myself to a few minutes spent on the keyboard, spinning a few tunes and singing a few songs in my mind. Ah…..finding relaxing moments requires planning and doing; very few “just happen” when you’re busy, busy, busy.

Group, meeting to review a report, put files away and home. Well more like a 1.5 hour commute and then later home. Dinner - boneless, skinless chicken cooked in vegetable oil, wrapped in a flour tortilla shell, with cucumbers, sliced fresh lettuce and a sparing sprinkle of the forbidden Ranch dressing. Yummmm. Now, I’m faced with the chilly weather   and deciding if the noon time walk was enough and I’m good for exercise today.

I made a commitment to up my exercise; to get serious. Um, this is fighting with “I’m cold, I’m tired and a hot bath would feel so good right now. “  Ah, the choices we make. This is when it would help to have somebody else to say, “Come on Robin, let’s go. Let’s get it done!”

My Weight Watcher’s leader continues to challenge me not to depend on other people to determine my commitment to fitness. It has to be something I want, and am willing to pursue even if it’s just me, walking the park, alone, at night.  (now that sounds sadder than it really was, honestly).

Sigh, it’s a lot easier to exercise when the day is still in full swing. I may bail on the evening walk. We’ll see. Well, I don’t know if any of you decided to get serious about your own fitness. If you’re struggling try making a list of 50 reasons you want to be fit. Be honest and you’ll be surprised at how much it really means to you. Paste that list somewhere you’ll see it and then watch to see how your mind will work on taking charge of the plan of action to meet your goals.

My list of 50 reasons I want to get fit and lose weight.

1.  Be stronger

2.   Be learner

3.   Cut my risk of related health issues 

4.   Look cuter

5.   Be able to hike longer, and on more challenging trails

6.   Be able to ride farther on my bike

7.   Be able to shop in sizes not labeled, “Faded Glory” and “Sag Harbor”, (really what nit-whit names clothes for larger women those names)

8.   Be able to wear a swimsuit and not feel like a “beached whale”

9.   Be able to swim more laps and not be tired

10.                   Be able to shop for cuter clothes

11.                   Feel like I look “smarter”

12.                   Be able to tie my shoes more comfortably

13.                   Not have to worry about a “spare tire”

14.                   Be able to run up the stairs at work

15.                   Have less stress

16.                   Enjoy more outdoor sports

17.                   Enjoy shopping in the “normal” section

18.                   Feel happy I’ve reached my goal

19.                   Live longer

20.                   Be happy that I’ve gained a new measure of self-discipline

21.                   Be glad I’m a role model for my family

22.                   Be happy I can show people, age is only a number

23.                   Strut my stuff (lol)

24.                   Enjoy wearing sleeveless dresses again

25.                   Enjoy wearing shorts again

26.                   Enjoy getting a suntan laying at the pool

27.                   Feel a greater sense of overall healthiness

28.                   Have more energy to serve God

29.                   Have more energy to help people

30.                   Renew my interests in my hobbies

31.                   Enjoy walking at the beach more

32.                   Have a make-over and feel I deserve it

33.                   Smile at a cute guy and not feel self-conscious

34.                   Get excited about clothes again

35.                   Feel like it’s ok to paint my nails since I’m “looking good”

36.                   My feet won’t hurt so much since “I’m lighter on my feet

37.                   My back won’t hurt so much

38.                   My heart won’t have to pump my blood through so much fat

39.                   I won’t have “cankles” (ankles that lap over)

40.                   When someone calls, “Thunder thighs.” I won’t have to answer , “Yes?”

41.          I won’t have to wonder what I look like from the back.

42.           I can look forward to a “treat” and not a binge

43.                   I can enjoy fruit, and delicious veggie

44.                   My mind will be sharper

45.                   I won’t feel “sluggish”

46.                   I won’t want to nap if I sit down

47.                   I’ll work on being a “cute old lady” and not feel like an idiot

48.                   I’ll have more time to work on other things

49.                   I’ll find new restaurants that have really good, healthy meals

50.                   I’ ll inspire other people to tackle their own fitness/health

Well, time for this girl to get to bed.

 

Be happy,

be blessed 

and be fit!

 
 
 
 

Day 1 of the next 100 - The everydayness of things.

 Here I am, early evening. Clouds still full or rain, darken the skies in leaden grays. It was a wet, cold, Memorial day. I worked, driving the long commute of 2.5 hours round-trip  The drive there gave me time to lift my family up in prayer. Many of them, worlds away in thoughts and lives I never see and can only come close by remembering them to God, to bless, guide and protect.

At work, month end reports, lectures, and many miscellaneous needs captured my thoughts, mind, and attention. While I ate my bananas, apples, and cheese slices, the men ate Barbecued ribs,   potato salad, fruit salad swimming in whipped cream, corn on the cob spread with rich butter, and watermelon slices piled high. Our cooks out -do themselves with special feasts for men away from home, hopefully working on their recovery. Me, working on my own recovery of sorts, stayed to the plan and ate my healthier, leaner fare. I had a choice, I chose to follow my plan.

Finally, the day winding down, the long commute over, I picked up a family member and they entered the car with the greater part of two, (yes two) pizza's. Yikers! By this time the insides of my stomach were screaming for food, "Feed me!'" "Feed me"

At home I did a quick survey.  Vegetables, I knew I needed vegetables. I needed them quick! I sliced some lettuce, diced some tomatoes and cucumbers and reached for the salad dressing. Ah, beloved Hidden Valley ranch, truly the nectar of the ranch God's. Yikers again! I glanced at the calorie and fat content and realized the dressing is the kiss of death for losing weight. Laden with rich, ooey goodness of massive amounts of FAT!!!

I rethought my choice and reached for Cheese Fantastico.  1.5 grams of fat per 2 Tablespoons. Fantastic, I could enjoy lots of flavor without an extra helping of guilt.

I broiled a steak, boiled cauliflower and enjoyed my own Memorial Day feast. Yum.

Now, full and tired, I am keeping  my commitment to blogging daily which brings me to this, much of life is marked by being full of everydayness. A word I've coined to represent all the must do's, have to's and gotta get dones. Everyone has them. Everyone. Mine might look different from yours, or the next door neighbor's but everyone has their list.  Even if you don't work outside the home, there are still things you've got to do; wash clothes, pay bills, clean house, walk the dog. The list may be small or long but one thing is for sure, the very commonness of the tasks can provide fodder to fuel the fires of wanting to splurge in eating. Ah, there is comfort (if temporary) in a big, sugary piece of pie. Or a bowl of your favorite ice cream. The sugar and fat hit the neuro-transmitters in your brain that says, "oh yeah, pleasure center, connection made." However, given enough splurges from vagrant urges, we all know what comes next, more of you to love, a lot more.

I don't want to be the poster child for obesity rocks! Contrary to popular opinion, fat people are not more jolly. Very often we're miserable, trapped in the layers of our own bodies, suffocating from the coverings of fat the we trail along like some long lost vestiges of people in our past. It's not fun to be fat, and in this culture being fat not only leads to a lot of health related risks, it also contributes to serious loss of self-esteem. Fat people are thought as being less intelligent, less creative and less desirable. Wow, sign me up. Just what I want out of life.

No, fact is I signed myself up by finding comfort from eating rather than facing stress, loneliness  anger, and a multitude of other annoying emotions. Instead of "eating for two" like the days when I was pregnant, I've been eating for love, or lack there of, depending on how you look at it.

And so, now Day 1, of getting serious about this next 100 days begins. Should I be discouraged that no one who reads my blog has checked in with wanting to go on the journey?  Well should I?  Well, I suppose I could think, "Maybe I should recant, and regroup, rethink, this journey so it's not so blatantly obvious that at this point one is the loneliest number that I've ever heard...... (thank you Beatles). Nope, I'm not giving up. Maybe, someone is reading this daily thinking through their own commitment to change. Maybe as they vicariously read of my struggle and triumphs they will gain the will to begin their own journey.  Yep, I might be helping thousands...... ooops flight of fantasy there, let me recap.

If I take a journey of one, me, myself and I, and I gain strength, determination, and success from journaling my experiences, is there a negative? What measure of success am I looking at? 

Physically, emotionally and spiritually it's become important in my life to develop more self-discipline. Because of the nature of my work, I naturally want to inspire others to come on the journey; that's what I try to do daily. Inspire others to choose to want a different life, a better life where goals and dreams become new realities. 

I can't deal with the maybe's, I can only deal with the can-be's. Want-ta-be's unite!!!

Well, it might be the steam talking, but I feel enthused. The next thing is getting out of my truck at 8 pm, on a cold, dark evening, and forcing myself to walk in the park.  Yikers...... I'll let you know how that goes tomorrow. Take care.....and be blessed. God is good and prayer changes things.

Day 100 - A new adventure begins!

“Teach me to number my days so that I apply my heart to wisdom”                                                          Proverbs

Sunday here, looking out my back window at the woods enjoying the sprinkling of fresh spring rain. The woods are alive with the songs of birds, happy, singing, rejoicing in life. I am so fortunate that in this time of my life I am surrounded by so much beauty. A family member helped me obtain this home, a refuge from the world, a sanctuary of home. I will be forever grateful for that sacrifice of love.

         Today, I woke up with a great sense of expectancy. This last year has seen many positive changes in my life. It has been an interesting journey with trips into nature marking the high-points along the way. I can’t express how thankful I am that I continue to be extraordinarily healthy and strong. It is a wonderful blessing.

         Over the last year, I’ve lost forty pounds, and gained a lot of strength and endurance. Countless walks, hikes, bike rides have combined to help me become a leaner, healthier me. Along that journey, I’ve gained insight and wisdom from reading my Bible, attending church and staying committed to learning how to grow in my Christian walk. Sometimes the changes are so small, and happen so slowly that it’s easy to wonder if I’m growing at all.  Journaling helps track that little by little positive changes are occurring.

         Much of life is like my current journey. Planning, working more working and then waiting to see if the results comes. These  principles of sowing and reaping began with farming and have its parallel in all avenues of human endeavors. Many things, outside our control, we can enjoy and observe, sunrises, sunsets, ocean tides, seasons. Anything we create, dream or build, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual happens only through work and commitment.

          On the journey last year, I used all the tools I could to stay motivated. I joined and stay involved with Weight Watchers. I enlisted friends to accompany me on the journey.  My grandson, a companion for many hikes, walks, and bike rides lost over 40 pounds himself.  I kept track of my progress and made small achievable goals. Little by little, bit by bit I consider the year -long project a success, but not the end of the journey.

         This next year, I want to invite more people to come along. I think it will be fun and interesting. I challenge those of you who read this blog to email me and let me know you’re ready to begin your own journey of becoming a healthier you.

         The challenge is this: The next 100 days will be a jump start time to address dietary and exercise changes. To make the decision to eat healthier, move more and utilize the support needed to achieve specific goals for your life will change the course and direction of your life, no matter what your age.   Some of you may like me need to join Weight Watchers or another support group to help you modify your lifestyle. Some of you need to join a gym, and dust off your sports equipment to start moving more.

         For me, I love my WW group and will continue to attend. My commitment today is to track my eating and exercise the next 100 days. To be faithful to doing what I know is right to tackle the next leg of my journey.

         I invite you to join me.  Together let’s see what we can accomplish in 100 days. 

 

Robin’s Goals-

1.   Communicate daily with my blog family

2.   Renew efforts to follow healthy eating guidelines

3.   Challenge to step up my exercise plan

4.   Focus on growing spiritually 

5.   Incorporate rewards into my life plan

What will you do with the next 100 days?

  I invite you to use the form at the bottom of the blog to state what is your commitment to change. If you are in a different country, with a different language, go ahead and email also. We’ll figure out how to translate.

Well, here we go, I’m excited about this, hope you’ll come along on the adventure. 

Tomorrow is: 

DAY ONE!!!

The best is yet to be!!! 

Believe it, Live it!!

        

        

         

Day 99 - Happy Endings....

As a child, I remember being in Sunday School at age six in the Bible Baptist Church that met in the old Auburn downtown theater. It fascinated me how the sanctuary sloped down to a large stage dressed in heavy, red velvet curtains. Around the large room, various decorations of molded plaster harkened to its earlier days of glory.

   I have happy memories of that church; rousing songs, exciting missionaries, calls to commitment and purpose that spoke to my young heart and life. One Sunday, dressed in my Sunday best, our young Sunday school class presented special music to the congregation; young voices piping a familiar hymn in the large, echoing space. I remember distinctly grabbing the microphone and singing into it with all I was worth; I was the star of my own production.

      Throughout my life, this fascination with self has beckoned me with a ceaseless allure. “I can do this, I can do that”…..has echoed through my existence. Why, I don’t know.  Maybe I’m a product of the “me generation” where deification of self became the mantra of the baby boomer generation. We were taught to have self-worth, to value our voices, to stand up for our rights. The glorification of individualism was rampant with free expression taking full swing in the late ‘60’s.

    Translating this concentration on self and me into a focus on others has been a life-long journey and struggle. The persistent patter of “my rights”, “my needs” has died slowly, resistant to the concept and practice of serving others without recognition or thanks.

    Being a Christian, I continually read the works of others who have gone before me to find wisdom and grounding. What I have discovered is that this struggle between altruism and selfishness has by no means been restricted to American baby boomers. It is more a reflection of man’s struggle to conquer innate selfishness and choose a way that reflects a consciousness that giving to others is a manifestation of how God wants us to be different.

Asking Jesus into my heart as that small child in the old Auburn Baptist church, I believe that God honored that decision. Through all my years of struggle, and rebellion, He watched and waited for me to finally cease resisting His loving guidance, and to allow Him to finish the work He began so many years before.

      This morning, I began re-reading the Gospel of Luke. I love the story of how the old couple, Zachariah and Elizabeth had been childless throughout their long marriage. 

        Unlike myself who kicked up my heels and sowed ill-fated crops of wild oats, these two people were faithful to their God and their faith. They continued to do the things they needed to do even though the great sorrow of their life was to be childless.

      Then, joy of joy, they had a message of hope. It was such an astounding message, Zachariah couldn’t even believe it, even though the angel Gabriel told him. He and Elizabeth would have a baby in their old age! I love the verse (Luke 1:37) that records what the angel Gabriel told him, “For with God nothing is impossible!”

      The tendency is for myself, and those I come in contact with, to look at the possible and experience feelings of despair.  The question is asked, “How can God bring good out of all this mess I’ve made?”  or, “I’d like to believe that things will work out as I trust God, but there are so many things wrong that can’t be fixed.”

      Ah, now comes the good part. So often in life, I found a good book and enjoyed an afternoon curled up transported to an exciting, interesting world. What was going to happen next?  I could hardly wait to turn the pages. I can remember my mother telling me, “You’re never going to find a husband. You love your books too much.” But still, reading was wonderful. There were so many happy endings.

      Daring to believe that in spite of what we see as impossibilities, God can still create happy endings out of broken lives is the ultimate happy ending, a story of redemption, and restoration that outdoes any novel or movie.

      Right now, my trusting God is a daily walk of faith, sometimes strong, sometimes feeble, but like a trail winding up through the Columbia Gorge hills, going higher and higher until suddenly a turn occurs and the entire vista of the river spreads out before you in an incredible panoramic view; I know the end of the story of my life can be the best part; the happy ending I have been waiting for. I just need to never give up. God is faithful and in His time He will fulfill His promises.

     Where I work, I constantly challenge the men that if going through treatment does nothing else than give them hope that they can change their lives, then treatment has been successful. Loss of hope brings despair, and with despair beginning again feels impossible.

     If in your own life, you’ve lost hope, you’ve lost purpose, why not try God? He is the restorer of broken lives.  He promises to give, “Beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” (Isaiah 61: 1 – 3) 

     I cannot know when, I cannot know how, but this I know, My redeemer lives! I will yet praise Him for the help of my countenance, (face) I will yet find, joy in the morning! Be happy, be blessed and dare to find your own happy ending, try God!

Day 98 Seasons

Sometimes, I take time away from my life. Whether it’s a break over a weekend, a disconnect from chores, a rest from hobbies, I get away. I’ve done that with this blog. It was as if I’d poured out my soul and had reached a place where in a way, I felt as if there was nothing else I could say.

At the brink of summer, warm days, rivers beckoning, I feel a renewal of thought. I love the seasons, each one its own special package of experiences. Spring was this year a beautiful array of flowers, fragrant, beautiful, beyond description. My own yard bore thousands of beautiful blooms on valiant cherry trees lifting their faces to the sky adorned in their pink and white splendor.

At work, noon times found me walking miles of streets lined with trees, and flower beds, a wealth for the eyes and soul. I have been drinking in the beauty of so many different plants and blooms, I feel rich in my visual splendor.

This week, I noticed the tree leaves have finished unfurling, their soft greenness spreading out to catch the rays of sun, the pattering of rain drops, and the errant call of breezes. Spring has finished its work and the faint edges of summer peak through on a warm day or two.

My own self, finds me shaking off the vestiges of winter dreams of weekend trips and the smell of campfires. Summer and fall remain my favorite seasons because I so love the outdoors and wet and cold deter me seeking my favorite haunts.  Intent upon Spring cleaning, I’ve been checking on my inner self also, looking for those places where maybe I haven’t really pursued a goal or two.  Or places where I allowed complacency to sneak in and have me accept the status quo of behaviors, thoughts, moods, actions that ever so much needed the renewal of a new season of refreshing. 

My Bible, my beloved companion through these long years of being alone speaks into my life a message of a continued renewal of passion, of purpose, and plans. They tell me of God whose “mercies are new every morning, and whose compassions fail not.” Lamentations 3: 22-23 

Growing older is a season of life that brings with it a bittersweet awareness that time is short, and the days and nights are fleeting and precious. Memories beckon and tempt me to indulge in regrets and remorse for the could of’s, would of’s, and should of’s. But I resist, knowing, believing and accepting that the mercy and forgiveness of God extends to my past and through the power of his might and Spirit I can rejoice and say, “By the grace of God I’m not who I once was and by the power of His might I will become a better person today and tomorrow.”

I am a morning person. Each day I awake, make my coffee, read my Bible and devotional books. Now, delightfully the dawn comes early and my bedroom window faces deep woods that harbor many families of birds. I awake and enjoy their morning songs, greeting the day and seasons with bright and trusting faces, not worried about their future. Jesus in his teachings invites us to consider the birds, how they don’t worry. Jesus lets us know that we are of much  more value than the birds and God will take care of us. I’ve mentioned before how much I’ve love the old song sung by George Beverly Shay, “His Eye Is On The Sparrow”.  Maybe because my name is Robin I’ve found that song comforting, but none the less, it is. The refrain, “Many things about tomorrow I can’t seem to understand, but his eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me.”

Through this season of my life, old age ushering in with a graying of hair and its’ sense of fading days, I will trust that God will be faithful to me. He has never failed me yet, through sorrow, through sadness, he has kept me in the shelter of his hands. I will continue to venture forth to my days as long as I have strength. There is a verse my mother loved, As my days, so shall my strength be. I love it too. Deuteronomy 33:25

Right now,  I continue on working in the drug treatment center. Praying that maybe I can help someone reclaim their lives. Surrounding my clients with prayers that they too will seek a connection with God to help them find a new season of life, one free from the bondage they’ve known.

Saturday here, a day off, my today stretches ahead with untapped hours, I feel so wealthy and fortunate. I am still amazingly healthy and strong. I continue to work on improving my fitness by walking and hiking. I know that this too will pass, but for now the freedoms I am enjoying are oh so wonderful. I am thankful we have money for food and too many other blessings to mention.

In your own life, if you are struggling with a season you’re not sure you really want to tackle, turn everything over to your Creator. I believe that He can give each one of us, ‘beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning. He is faithful, when we turn to Him He promises that our night of weeping will end, and our joy will come in the morning.

Take care and be blessed.