Day 105 -Transitions

     A week later and so much has happened. It is as if I am on a roller coaster ride of life and changes happen at every turn. It’s ok though, I have a sense of God’s presence which is sustaining me. Sometimes I walk through the shadows and cry out for God to give me more of His light, right now, a blessed calmness surrounds me in spite of things being way outside my control.

    

      A beloved family member, precious beyond words got news that he has a horrible medical condition that will impact his life forever. Being with that person, not knowing how to comfort them, all I can do is pray that God will surround them with His love, care and mercy. The shock of getting news like that takes a while to sink in. The medical appointments that now stretch on forever have changed the color of his life, his hopes his dreams. Do I believe that God can step in and use this for his glory? Yes, but, seeing this child/man suffer breaks my heart because I could only wish it was me instead of him. I’ve lived a long, healthy life and here is a young person on the verge of adulthood now facing enormous odds to overcome.

     I have to watch myself because the self-absorption of so many people I know offends me. I can’t judge them for being so uncaring. They are who they are and perhaps nothing like this has ever happened to them or someone they love. They can’t care because they don’t understand. 

     And so, he and I continue on with our lives. Saturday morning, he asked, “Can we go to the ocean today?” (yesterday). (The ocean has been a place of comfort for us since his infancy. We’ve camped, hiked, beach-combed through the years of his youth. It has been a place where school, relationships, problems have been put on hold.)  He asked, “Can I take my dog?”  Writing that, right now makes me cry, how sad. A child/man trying to be brave, trying somehow to cope with this deep hurt and wound that has reached into his life with its ugly fingers of pain.

    Sigh, we drove to the beach and the warmth of a new summer day bathed us as we hiked down the jetty to the white, hot sands.  We stretched a blanket down and he left with his dog to walk the shore and commune with his own heart concerning this unforeseen turn in his young life. I watched them from a distance, the blue shining sea breaking in cascades of waves he and his companion dog jumped and waded through.

      An hour or two and we decided we were done with the beach and he asked, “Can we hike around the lake?” “Sure”, I replied, “Let’s go.”

Coffenbury Lake greeted us with sounds of children playing, a little fishing boat or two puttering around and a few errant birds. We set off going through the fragrant woods, rich with ferns, and new leaves, and wild flowers blooming through the shadows. The first half of the lake was awesome. Hiking along, silent, the only occupants of the woodland trail.

       Near the South end of the lake mosquitoes found us and our walk became a hand waving kind of weird dance. As we rounded the end of the lake and began to climb the west hills, my young companion called back, “I can’t stand this. I’m going to run back. Here’s the dog.”

 He took off running the trail and his small dog whined and tugged at its lease. I trudged on, swatting at the bugs, trying to keep up with the dog whose every fiber of being wanted to be with his master. I fell once and thought, hmmm…. I hope there’s not any cougars out today. I suppose I would be an easy target.

     Finally after a very brisk hike, uphill the trail leveled off. I knew I would get to the end eventually and tried to enjoy the quiet of the forest knowing that it too would soon be a memory. After a time, I could hear the voices of children through the trees and knew I was coming back to the start of the trail. I reconnected with my companion and we decided to call it a day. A twenty minute walk to the truck found us half running as the mosquitoes somehow followed us in clouds.

     Driving home he fell asleep lulled by the curves and hills, and warm truck. It was an afternoon away from the stresses of reality, enjoying nature, resting, regrouping, hopefully one of many more to come.

     Today, awake, washing dishes, making breakfast, another day begins. Sunday, church, chores, hopefully a renewal of hope and strength for the week ahead. We, my grandson and I, are going through another transition. I have never regretted raising this child. He has been a loving, (if adventuresome) baby, child and young adult. He has been raised in the church, around messages of God’s love and comfort. Hopefully he is able to rely on his own relationship with God to help him through this latest challenge. It is a rite of passage to adulthood that neither he or I could have imagined.  As long as he is willing, I will go through this time with him.  The time may come and probably will that he chooses to be on his own, facing life and challenges without grandma alongside. My prayers will go with him. It will be, another of life's continuing transitions.

To those of you facing your own unforeseen life challenges my prayers are with you. Life can be more than difficult, without God, it is impossible. Seek Him, pray, and He will be with you. You will eventually have joy in the morning, even if you see that joy through a veil of tears.  Rainbows are in the clouds. He promises to comfort those that mourn, claim that comfort. Be blessed.