Day 84 The lull before the storm

Sunday today, just another day in paradise. Up, reading more through the book of Romans, trying to connect with more of how I can relate to the Bible. Yesterday afternoon, watched another In Touch television show with Charles Stanley.  He speaks in a level I can understand relating Scripture to real life in a way I can connect. The points that I took away from his message is that when you get real and serious with Jesus in your life, you will do things you've never done before, go places you've never been before, and give up things you've held to very tightly.

In my life, since people tell me things about themselves that are private, not-to-be shared, a lot of what happens to me I can't share.  It's as if on a spiritual level I connect with other people in moments of time, they move on and only God knows the what happens to them. It's strange in a weird sort of way.  My journey is mostly comprised of coming alongside someone elses journey just for a while, and moving on. 

Sunday school, me in a class mostly married folks trying to blend in sans husband. I find the less I talk the more I just kind of fade into the background. I find I am becoming very creative with paper folding. I can listen and focus on being quiet, my sympathy is aroused for the guys in the treatment center who have to listen to lectures over and over, sitting still being quiet isn't all that easy. Note to self, make lectures more interactive.

Church, and I play the organ, not well, just enough to blend in, (a theme perhaps).  After the music time I look for a seat and find myself in the foyer sitting besides another lady. We visit for while and a relative finds me to let me know a young man is wandering through the building. I find the young man, engage him in conversation and spend the next hour listening to his world. He is afraid I will judge him and I reassure him I won't, "People go through things I assure him." He continues to share until service is over. He is brought a meal and I go to find him a ride to his destination. He's walked over 12 miles to get to the church and has another 10 to get to a relatives house. He says he hasn't slept in days.

He thanks me for my time and I tell him I will pray for him.  Another chance encounter hopefully with some kind of renewed sense of purpose and at least a softening towards the things of God. I will not know in this lifetime.

I wait another two hours for a fund-raiser to be completed, dinner, dishes, clean-up and spend my time waiting  playing the piano in the sanctuary. Almost, but not quite I feel like singing again. I haven't sang for over three years and although I've been requested to sing again, the music is not quite in my soul yet.  Almost.

I'm at the library now, checking the times of a movie. I promised a grandson I would take him and he reminds me of the promise. Snug, wrapped up in sweater, sweatshirt, jeans and scarf much of me feels like going home, enjoying my recliner and enjoying the peaceful afternoon. Will my keeping this commitment mean anything in the space of this young person's life?  I don't know and I struggle with putting off the 15 mile drive to the theater and the 2.5 hours watching a predominately "guy flick".

Sigh, so much of life is a trade off of wanting to be "that" person for other people and being tempted to take comfort in the small things of life like watching a fragrant candle flicker on the fireplace mantle.

Sunday's are my lull before the storm of my week. Five full days of being busy, busy, busy and listening to so many different issues. The lull, the eye of the storm is a nice place to be but it is only for a while, Next to me flags wave in the breeze, barren trees reach their leafless branches to the sky and I must move on.

To those of you enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon, greetings. May your day be blessed with many moments and lulls of peace and comfort.  Tomorrow awaits, and a rest is needed. Be blessed.

Day 83 Walking on water

        As a child a reoccurring dream was that I could fly. Living in the country, we owned part of a beautiful hill that included eons of lawn on different levels. I scoured every inch of property, had paths through the woods, special trees I climbed, places where the wild ferns grew. In my flying dreams, I would be perched at different spots in that landscape, taking a jump and then miraculously lift off the ground and soar about, relishing the freedom.

        Now, decades past, I don’t dream of flying anymore. I don’t know why that is, whether some part of my soul has aged to the point where impossibilities cease to exist or what, I only know at night, I no longer fly.

        During my waking hours, realities press in upon me and I realize crunch time has come. During my years at college, crunch time meant, term papers were due, or finals were coming. It was time to get serious and buckle down. In my life, right now, it’s crunch time financially. I literally do not have enough money coming in to meet the basic bills. I’ve been depleting my savings until I’m up against the end. Working full time, at 62 I realize taking on another job is not an option. I do good at the job I have but by the end of my long day I’m tired, more often than not I fall asleep in the family room, sitting in my chair, wake up and realize I’d better go to bed so I can hear the alarm go off to get up for another day.

        So I’m left with several options, downsize, and/or find a second source of income making something. I’m not one of those women who fills their home with beautiful things they’ve made. I’m musical, I’m smart, but the “crafty” gene just didn’t come in my genetic make-up. I can’t take in laundry, (like in old books), I can’t open up a newspaper stand, shoe-shine chair, or any of the odd things people used to do to supplement their income.

        I know there are millions of other people out there just like me, wondering how they are going to keep the lights and water on, food on the table, and a roof over their head. It is a sign of the times that even employed people are feeling the pinch.

        So, what am I going to do?  Good question. I took home the medical/dental plan materials from work yesterday and looked at them longingly. For the last year or so, I haven’t had any insurance and the hope remains my health keeps on being good. If not, well, I’m one catastrophic illness away from being destitute. But, the insurance costs money, money I don’t have.

        I’m not alone in this I know, millions of people in American don’t have medical or dental insurance. We limp along, living with different things, broken teeth, aches and pains, hoping, praying something will change. World-wide, the picture gets grimmer, children without medicine, old people without food.

        So where does that leave me? Having a global sense of want, doesn’t resolve the current problem. Bankruptcy doesn’t pay electric and water bills, or put food on the table. So, looking at all my expenditures there are some things I can eliminate. I have two vehicles. One must go, even at a loss. I’ve never turned a car back to a dealer or bank before and that will be my last option. Foolish pride? Maybe. So I will face this and get on with it. Today, I will get help and spiffy up one of them. I will make a sign, visit a car lot and see if I can move on.

        I love television, a show or two now and then is entertaining. It costs about thirty dollars a month. It’s not a necessity. I could lose that. I don’t really need a cell phone. I’m paying twenty-five dollars a month on that. That’s fifty-five dollars there. I don’t qualify for any help from the government for food or medical so that will pretty much stay the same. I have pets, and I will try to find homes for them, their food costs money, and their licenses. I cut my own hair, don’t do my nails so I suppose my “beauty” costs are pretty nil.

        At work, people keep telling me I need new clothes. When I try to explain I’m on a limited budget, their eyes sort of glaze over and they move on to something else. I will continue to wash and wear the clothes I have and at least be clean.

        And most importantly I can pray.  I need a miracle from God to help me figure this out. It’s painful yes, but certainly not as painful as many people who face getting the news they have cancer, or some other fatal disease. It’s only stuff and it’s foolish that I should hold such attachment to things. It speaks to the fact my spiritual life still needs to be fine-tuned, to say the least.

        In the Bible, I like the story of Peter, impetuous, getting out of the boat to go to Jesus. Peter hadn’t walked on water before, it wasn’t in his vocabulary.  But, in the moment, he was so excited to see Jesus walking on the water he lost all sense of reality, as he knew it, and threw himself into the experience.  For me, now, facing this economic crisis, I will have to set aside personal wants and likes, and throw myself into the water believing that God will enable me to walk over these waves.

        When my faith wavers, I will reach out like Peter and say, “Lord, save me, I’m drowning!”  And God in His infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy will reach down and lift me up and set me in safety. 

        Recently someone said, don’t look at how big your mountain is, focus on how big your God is.  I am going to try to do that with the present issue. I will let you know how things work out, in hopes that my struggles will encourage you in your own struggles.

        One of the last things I will give up in my Weight Watchers meetings. I have gained so many helps for healthier living. I’ve lost thirty pounds, a family member has lost forty, and I’ve gained strength for the journey.

Being with other people trying to improve the quality of their health has been a wonderful experience. I’ve enjoyed the last six months immensely.

        Well, I’m off and about my day.  Think the beloved mini-van is the vehicle I’m choosing to sell. Silly of me to be so fond of it, but there have been so many happy outings with family, it’s like saying goodbye to an old friend.

        Best of everything to you for your weekend. May your mountains be faced with the assurance there is a God who hears and answers prayers, and may your joy come in the morning.

        Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For your Maker, is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies, I will gather you. And with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you.

Excerpts from Isaiah 54

Day 83 - Walking on water

        As a child a reoccurring dream was that I could fly. Living in the country, we owned part of a beautiful hill that included eons of lawn on different levels. I scoured every inch of property, had paths through the woods, special trees I climbed, places where the wild ferns grew. In my flying dreams, I would be perched at different spots in that landscape, taking a jump and then miraculously lift off the ground and soar about, relishing the freedom.

        Now, decades past, I don’t dream of flying anymore. I don’t know why that is, whether some part of my soul has aged to the point where impossibilities cease to exist or what, I only know at night, I no longer fly.

        During my waking hours, realities press in upon me and I realize crunch time has come. During my years at college, crunch time meant, term papers were due, or finals were coming. It was time to get serious and buckle down. In my life, right now, it’s crunch time financially. I literally do not have enough money coming in to meet the basic bills. I’ve been depleting my savings until I’m up against the end. Working full time, at 62 I realize taking on another job is not an option. I do good at the job I have but by the end of my long day I’m tired, more often than not I fall asleep in the family room, sitting in my chair, wake up and realize I’d better go to bed so I can hear the alarm go off to get up for another day.

        So I’m left with several options, downsize, and/or find a second source of income making something. I’m not one of those women who fills their home with beautiful things they’ve made. I’m musical, I’m smart, but the “crafty” gene just didn’t come in my genetic make-up. I can’t take in laundry, (like in old books), I can’t open up a newspaper stand, shoe-shine chair, or any of the odd things people used to do to supplement their income.

        I know there are millions of other people out there just like me, wondering how they are going to keep the lights and water on, food on the table, and a roof over their head. It is a sign of the times that even employed people are feeling the pinch.

        So, what am I going to do?  Good question. I took home the medical/dental plan materials from work yesterday and looked at them longingly. For the last year or so, I haven’t had any insurance and the hope remains my health keeps on being good. If not, well, I’m one catastrophic illness away from being destitute. But, the insurance costs money, money I don’t have.

        I’m not alone in this I know, millions of people in American don’t have medical or dental insurance. We limp along, living with different things, broken teeth, aches and pains, hoping, praying something will change. World-wide, the picture gets grimmer, children without medicine, old people without food.

        So where does that leave me? Having a global sense of want, doesn’t resolve the current problem. Bankruptcy doesn’t pay electric and water bills, or put food on the table. So, looking at all my expenditures there are some things I can eliminate. I have two vehicles. One must go, even at a loss. I’ve never turned a car back to a dealer or bank before and that will be my last option. Foolish pride? Maybe. So I will face this and get on with it. Today, I will get help and spiffy up one of them. I will make a sign, visit a car lot and see if I can move on.

        I love television, a show or two now and then is entertaining. It costs about thirty dollars a month. It’s not a necessity. I could lose that. I don’t really need a cell phone. I’m paying twenty-five dollars a month on that. That’s fifty-five dollars there. I don’t qualify for any help from the government for food or medical so that will pretty much stay the same. I have pets, and I will try to find homes for them, their food costs money, and their licenses. I cut my own hair, don’t do my nails so I suppose my “beauty” costs are pretty nil.

        At work, people keep telling me I need new clothes. When I try to explain I’m on a limited budget, their eyes sort of glaze over and they move on to something else. I will continue to wash and wear the clothes I have and at least be clean.

        And most importantly I can pray.  I need a miracle from God to help me figure this out. It’s painful yes, but certainly not as painful as many people who face getting the news they have cancer, or some other fatal disease. It’s only stuff and it’s foolish that I should hold such attachment to things. It speaks to the fact my spiritual life still needs to be fine-tuned, to say the least.

        In the Bible, I like the story of Peter, impetuous, getting out of the boat to go to Jesus. Peter hadn’t walked on water before, it wasn’t in his vocabulary.  But, in the moment, he was so excited to see Jesus walking on the water he lost all sense of reality, as he knew it, and threw himself into the experience.  For me, now, facing this economic crisis, I will have to set aside personal wants and likes, and throw myself into the water believing that God will enable me to walk over these waves.

        When my faith wavers, I will reach out like Peter and say, “Lord, save me, I’m drowning!”  And God in His infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy will reach down and lift me up and set me in safety. 

        Recently someone said, don’t look at how big your mountain is, focus on how big your God is.  I am going to try to do that with the present issue. I will let you know how things work out, in hopes that my struggles will encourage you in your own struggles.

        One of the last things I will give up in my Weight Watchers meetings. I have gained so many helps for healthier living. I’ve lost thirty pounds, a family member has lost forty, and I’ve gained strength for the journey.

Being with other people trying to improve the quality of their health has been a wonderful experience. I’ve enjoyed the last six months immensely.

        Well, I’m off and about my day.  Think the beloved mini-van is the vehicle I’m choosing to sell. Silly of me to be so fond of it, but there have been so many happy outings with family, it’s like saying goodbye to an old friend.

        Best of everything to you for your weekend. May your mountains be faced with the assurance there is a God who hears and answers prayers, and may your joy come in the morning.

        Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For your Maker, is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies, I will gather you. And with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you.

Excerpts from Isaiah 54

Day 83 - Walking on water

Day 83- Walking on water

        As a child a reoccurring dream was that I could fly. Living in the country, we owned part of a beautiful hill that included eons of lawn on different levels. I scoured every inch of property, had paths through the woods, special trees I climbed, places where the wild ferns grew. In my flying dreams, I would be perched at different spots in that landscape, taking a jump and then miraculously lift off the ground and soar about, relishing the freedom.

        Now, decades past, I don’t dream of flying anymore. I don’t know why that is, whether some part of my soul has aged to the point where impossibilities cease to exist or what, I only know at night, I no longer fly.

        During my waking hours, realities press in upon me and I realize crunch time has come. During my years at college, crunch time meant, term papers were due, or finals were coming. It was time to get serious and buckle down. In my life, right now, it’s crunch time financially. I literally do not have enough money coming in to meet the basic bills. I’ve been depleting my savings until I’m up against the end. Working full time, at 62 I realize taking on another job is not an option. I do good at the job I have but by the end of my long day I’m tired, more often than not I fall asleep in the family room, sitting in my chair, wake up and realize I’d better go to bed so I can hear the alarm go off to get up for another day.

        So I’m left with several options, downsize, and/or find a second source of income making something. I’m not one of those women who fills their home with beautiful things they’ve made. I’m musical, I’m smart, but the “crafty” gene just didn’t come in my genetic make-up. I can’t take in laundry, (like in old books), I can’t open up a newspaper stand, shoe-shine chair, or any of the odd things people used to do to supplement their income.

        I know there are millions of other people out there just like me, wondering how they are going to keep the lights and water on, food on the table, and a roof over their head. It is a sign of the times that even employed people are feeling the pinch.

        So, what am I going to do?  Good question. I took home the medical/dental plan materials from work yesterday and looked at them longingly. For the last year or so, I haven’t had any insurance and the hope remains my health keeps on being good. If not, well, I’m one catastrophic illness away from being destitute. But, the insurance costs money, money I don’t have.

        I’m not alone in this I know, millions of people in American don’t have medical or dental insurance. We limp along, living with different things, broken teeth, aches and pains, hoping, praying something will change. World-wide, the picture gets grimmer, children without medicine, old people without food.

        So where does that leave me? Having a global sense of want, doesn’t resolve the current problem. Bankruptcy doesn’t pay electric and water bills, or put food on the table. So, looking at all my expenditures there are some things I can eliminate. I have two vehicles. One must go, even at a loss. I’ve never turned a car back to a dealer or bank before and that will be my last option. Foolish pride? Maybe. So I will face this and get on with it. Today, I will get help and spiffy up one of them. I will make a sign, visit a car lot and see if I can move on.

        I love television, a show or two now and then is entertaining. It costs about thirty dollars a month. It’s not a necessity. I could lose that. I don’t really need a cell phone. I’m paying twenty-five dollars a month on that. That’s fifty-five dollars there. I don’t qualify for any help from the government for food or medical so that will pretty much stay the same. I have pets, and I will try to find homes for them, their food costs money, and their licenses. I cut my own hair, don’t do my nails so I suppose my “beauty” costs are pretty nil.

        At work, people keep telling me I need new clothes. When I try to explain I’m on a limited budget, their eyes sort of glaze over and they move on to something else. I will continue to wash and wear the clothes I have and at least be clean.

        And most importantly I can pray.  I need a miracle from God to help me figure this out. It’s painful yes, but certainly not as painful as many people who face getting the news they have cancer, or some other fatal disease. It’s only stuff and it’s foolish that I should hold such attachment to things. It speaks to the fact my spiritual life still needs to be fine-tuned, to say the least.

        In the Bible, I like the story of Peter, impetuous, getting out of the boat to go to Jesus. Peter hadn’t walked on water before, it wasn’t in his vocabulary.  But, in the moment, he was so excited to see Jesus walking on the water he lost all sense of reality, as he knew it, and threw himself into the experience.  For me, now, facing this economic crisis, I will have to set aside personal wants and likes, and throw myself into the water believing that God will enable me to walk over these waves.

        When my faith wavers, I will reach out like Peter and say, “Lord, save me, I’m drowning!”  And God in His infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy will reach down and lift me up and set me in safety. 

        Recently someone said, don’t look at how big your mountain is, focus on how big your God is.  I am going to try to do that with the present issue. I will let you know how things work out, in hopes that my struggles will encourage you in your own struggles.

        One of the last things I will give up in my Weight Watchers meetings. I have gained so many helps for healthier living. I’ve lost thirty pounds, a family member has lost forty, and I’ve gained strength for the journey.

Being with other people trying to improve the quality of their health has been a wonderful experience. I’ve enjoyed the last six months immensely.

        Well, I’m off and about my day.  Think the beloved mini-van is the vehicle I’m choosing to sell. Silly of me to be so fond of it, but there have been so many happy outings with family, it’s like saying goodbye to an old friend.

        Best of everything to you for your weekend. May your mountains be faced with the assurance there is a God who hears and answers prayers, and may your joy come in the morning.

        Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For your Maker, is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies, I will gather you. And with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you.

Excerpts from Isaiah 54

Day 81 New Year's Day

Day 82 – New Year’s Day

The day dawned a glorious blue-skied, bright sunny day. The snow, white frosting across the landscape adds a surreal feel. I look out on a deep forest ravine, sheltering a roaring creek making its way down the hill.

I am truly blessed. This morning I put away the devotional books that have been my companions through several years. I want to discover new worlds of awareness’s. Yes, these books have been trusty companions, sharing warmth, wit, insight, spiritual direction, but it is time to move on.

Waiting for coffee I continue to clean and sort, matching silverware, cups, plates, measuring spoons, folding dish towels, simple tasks with rewarding pleasure. I realize, at my age, it is just for a while that I have the privilege of doing these things. Before I know it, someone else will make my coffee, do my laundry, cook my meals. Watching my mother slide into incapacity after 91 years of cooking, cleaning, writing, calling, praying, the awareness has hit me hard about the fleeting nature of life and that in a blink of an eye we are gone.

This morning, safe, full, warm, seeing the brilliant, beautiful winter day I am experiencing an overwhelming sense of heaven. For this moment however brief, I am happy, joyous. My joy has come in the morning, this morning. Last night, waiting for the New Year to come I enjoyed watching little grandsons.  One in the car and truck stage ceaselessly drove over imaginary roads. Gifted with a new scooter he discovered ways to drive it around the house sitting down.  After a while he clambered up on the couch and snuggled next to me, one of many grandmothers who he senses loves and appreciates him.

The other child incredibly active is interested in so many things at once, continually. I am amazed at his unending energy.  How can he keep going? Very intelligent and somewhat mischievous, he sneaks up quietly and takes two cans of my Diet Coke. His mother, ever alert, follows him to his room where he thinks now he can enjoy his “soda” as he calls it. Speaking of his mom, she is busy making a new memories for us and fixes me healthy snacks and helps me figure out different things on the computer. She is incredibly smart and anything with the computer I ask her, in a jiffy she knows how to fix it, find it, and figure it out.

For a while we watch a cartoon or two, brilliant displays of color intriguing small minds. A puzzle or two, a story and finally two tired little people fall asleep in their beds, unaware New Years is about to happen around them.

For me in moments like these,  it is an oasis of peace born out of my belief that in spite of me not understanding how or why, God loves me and is taking care of me. It’s much like getting to know a new friend and going through that awkward period of getting acquainted. One day, you see your friend and you smile, you have a good warm sense of knowing “you’re friends”. Walking with God is like that for me. There are up’s and downs, fears and doubts, but sometimes just a beautiful sense of knowing, He’s there, He cares and it’s going to be alright no matter how my story ends.

This morning I started reading Romans. So much of it is in imagery I don’t understand, but I continue. For me the Psalms and Proverbs are standbys that I can turn to for comfort, wisdom and instruction almost all the time. I worry maybe I’m too much a creature of habit and am missing out on other things I need to read, I need to understand so I’m branching out and reading other places in the Bible.

 My day, luxurious break from work, is before me. I feel wealthy in health, in family, in home, in faith. Perhaps 2013 will be my year of Jubilee.

Enjoy your New Year’s day, look up, God is only a prayer away.

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen Romans 8:38

 

 

 

Day 81 - Snowing on a New Year's eve

Hello to all,
    Yesterday after Sunday morning church I drove to the Oregon coast. The day was sunny, blue clear skies. The closer we got to the ocean the warmer it got. We decided to hike around Coffenbury Lake at Fort Stevens State park.  The parking lot, almost empty looked out on the sun-lit, shining lake. An occasional fish jumped, a bird or two swam lazily around, trailing swirls in the water.
     We set out, hiking around flooded spots on the trail. The deep woods shadowed the trail, cushioned with layers of pine needles so we strode noiselessly through the forest.  Surprisingly many trees were down across the trail, testimony to a recent windstorms havoc. About a 1/2 mile down the trail I could see sun on the tops of the trees on the side of the lake we were on.  Looking up through the forest to the hill I had a sudden thought, "Maybe I can see the ocean from the top of that hill!" 
   Off I went climbing the hill through the thigh-high undergrowth. I pressed through, ignoring the steep climb and going up and up reaching for the top. Finally I made it and looked out across the hill. "Nuts!" It was still too far away to see the waves. We continued on, soft footsteps in a world of winter beauty. The lake, still shimmering, silver ripples of nature's beauty quietly sitting in the sun a companion to the hike. 
    We kept on, quickening the pace after the climb up a long hill and the gradual descent. A couple with their dogs walked past us with the warning, "You can't get around, it's too flooded."  We kept on, thinking perhaps their attachment to their expensive shoes might have tempered their enthusiasm to brave the water. Finally we rounded the end of the lake and discovered the flood, where two lakes joined they had become one, the trail burried beneath.
   "We'll have to go back," I told my grandson, it's too deep. We decided to take a side trail that wound through the deep woods to an access trail. Here, no sounds entered except the chirp of a bird or two.  We were alone in the sun, the forest, and the trail. Headed away from the Lake we hiked for a long while, sure that around the next bend we would see the road to Iredale.  A trail, small, almost like a deer trail wound off to the left. We looked at each other, "Let's go!" For about a mile we hiked, often flooded out, we've brave through the brush picking our footsteps on drier ground. Hoof prints of horses joined our own footprints and we wound deeper into the uncharted woods. Ahead, I could hear the surf, pounding softly. The sky, still blue with golden sun called to us, "Over here."
    Intent, we continued until up ahead we saw dunes, excitedly we climbed and saw the ocean, beautiful, serene, a windless unseasonably warm day to treasure. We beach-combed for a while, enjoying the freshness of the salt-sea air, the relaxing sound of the waves and the beauty of nature untarnished.
   The sun began setting with the red-hued tones and I cautioned my young companion that we'd better try to hike back to the lake. We set out on the bike trail hiking a good pace. Up and down a few gentle hills, so dear to us with many days of memories past made over years times.
   The Lake, finally reached still waited with the darker shades of night upon his mirrored surface. We munched, crisp, sun-kissed golden delicious apples and tried to start a fire in an old rock fireplace.  Finally, worn from the 5 plus mile hike we decided to call it a day and head home.  It had been truly the end of a wonderful afternoon.                
     Today, New Year's Eve afternoon, I look out on a white winter snowstorm. It's been snowing for several hours and it shows no signs of stopping. I'm at a daughter's home, tucked into a warm couch, computer on my lap. I live up a hill or two and part of me whispers, "You know you'll be walking up the hill to your house today...."  But the part of me that wants to be with family remains.  
    And so, New Year's Eve plans have changed, the blanket of white creating a schedule born on doing whats safe.
    At home, there is another room I'm anxious to deep-clean.  All the kitchen cupboards scrubbed and re-organized I'm on to the next project. But it can wait. I will set a spell and enjoy my day off and wait for the year 2012 to wind slowly down. 

   To all of you saying goodbye to your year, best regards. May the new year hold blessings for you all.

Day 80 - Once upon a New Year's Eve.......

Coffee near, fragrant brew of freshly ground beans. What a luxury! Still dark, the world in my neighborhood is still asleep or nursing their own coffee cups before facing the Saturday before New Years.

 Been reading through the Epistles in my Bible. My Bible, underlined, notes in the margins bears testimony to my efforts to understand what I’m reading. Now, years later I ask God to renew my spirit and understanding to connect with the essence of the spiritual truths.  It’s challenging because so much of me is in the world now. My world by in large is the treatment center and my client’s. Some sixty plus hours a week my energies, emotions, thoughts, are connected with my job. My job, through it’s very nature is in many ways light years away from reading the Bible.

In some ways, it’s as if I have a job making wooden boxes. All day long, I make boxes. I use the tools, I get the wood from the outside piles, I clean the mess. I inspect the boxes, I count the boxes.  I am supposed to make so many boxes a day. I have to rush all day long because the number of boxes I have to make require I work at a fever pitch to get them done. I don’t have much time to visit with other employees; I am committed to my task. Yes, I want to make the best boxes I can, but the sheer number required means I have to just make them as fast as I can and try not to grimace over the lack of quality.

That’s what my job is like in many ways. I have my intellect, my experience, my training, my spiritual side, my creativity, but I also have specific tasks; groups, lectures, audits, reports, discharge summaries, rule violations, emails to correction’s officers, 1x1’s and the list goes on. I have a lot of to do’s  and only so much time to get them done. I am rushing, rushing, rushing most of the time. Making the transition to have a holistic spiritual approach that incorporates the wisdom I gain from prayer and Bible reading is an ideal but implemented that with the task at hand is a whole ‘nother kettle of fish.

Today, reading through I Thessalonians, I tried to glean wisdom and knowledge for now. In my mind, the thought arose, “Just keep reading, some of it will stick.” So I continue to read, pray, attend church and hope that the good work that Jesus began in my life will continue. Why do I hope that? Because the awareness is ever before me that the need of others and myself is greater than my own competencies.  I am someone who senses the real need to connect with God just be a person who can be someone who makes a difference.

If you’re like me, you’re thinking about what your New Year’s resolutions are going to be.

 For me, I have specifics;

1.   Continue on my quest to become fit. Don’t quit, never give up.
2.   Bump up my efforts a couple notches on exercise and healthy eating.
3.   Make concrete goals with incremental steps linked to achievable goals and rewards for success.
4.   Somehow find the way to visit Disney World again in 2013.
5.   I want to make a greater effort to reach out to family, those near and far.
6.   To attempt that each day I would go above and beyond in helping the individuals whose lives I touch.
7.   To connect with God in a deeper, richer way where I become more in tune with His purpose, His love, and His compassion.
8.   To downsize my home and get really, truly organized.
9.   To fulfill my promises and commitments
10.  To try and become more attractive, well-groomed as a Senior citizen.  Age gracefully.

        In many ways I love New Year’s.  As a child, we attended “Watch Night” services at the church. We had food, music, games, a message. It was fun. We also had mega treats at home, a celebration where we stayed up late and welcomed the New Year in. With my own children, we had lots of food, a movie or two for home, and together we’d watch the New Year in and shout out to the neighborhood our welcome.

        This year, scaled down to healthier food choices, I’ll miss the treats, but realize it’s all part of a greater good.

 I may or may not stay up until 12, certainly I’ll try to buy a movie for family to watch, and provide treats for them.

      New Year, new beginnings, it can and will be a fun and exciting time of putting the past behind. Of savoring the good memories, gingerly putting the painful ones to rest. When I was little I loved to hear George Beverly Shea sing. He was part of the Billy Graham Crusade team. My parents bought one of his records for our first stereo system. One of the songs he often sang in the crusades included a refrain; “many things about tomorrow I can’t seem to understand, but I know who holds my future, and I know who holds my hand.” I can hear him singing that right now in my memories and I believe that sums up my world view for the coming year.

      I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I do know God has seen me through some really tough times this year. When I feared all was lost financially we somehow made it through. When I feared my strength was gone, he renewed it. When my joy departed, it returned in a quieter, more solemn way. He has been faithful when I’ve been filled with doubt. He has been loving when I’ve experienced hatred. In my lack, He supplied my need.

May your New Year be filled with the awareness of His presence. A sense of care that through it all as you keep turning over the cares of your life to a loving Savior He will supply your every need with His riches in glory.

Have a wonderful New Year’s celebrations and see you in 2013!  I have enjoyed sharing with you over this last year, be loved and be blessed. Happy New Year!