It's early here, dark, outside the rain comes down with a soft pattering on the leaves. After nineteen days straight of working. I have two days off. Sigh, it seemed like a long haul. Often waking up, facing another day, I tried to think of the millions of people who work daily. The luxury of a five day week doesn't extend world-wide does it? If I complain about how tough I have had it, is it really all that bad?
But, it's over and I have a respite. I missed my Weight Watchers meeting last week. It felt bad to know I couldn't check in see how I was doing, see familiar faces and listen to a lecture on how to stay focused and stay on my program. Today, I will face where I am, and regroup before the onslaught of holidays treats, meals, and unending food sabotage my efforts and I start packing on pounds. If I were a bear, I suppose the added fuel would get me through my winter hibernation. But I am not, and instead I need to keep trying to maintain new healthier habits.
I also missed church and it felt a little funny, like I was becoming a tangential person riding along on the outskirts of life like a surfer riding a passing wave. It occurs to me that people without a home base church feel like this also, as if life is happening around them and their own world lies unobserved in its own sink or swim universe.
Co-incidentally my wi-fi connection crashed and I have been unable to connect at home. My facebook friends continue to share their lives, but I again, on the outside, unable to look in. I remember a long time ago when my then husband and I were illegal immigrants to Canada. He was a draft-dogger and he and I had tried to escape into Edmonton, Alberta. At night, going stir-crazy from living in an unfurnished couple rooms in a non-English speaking Italian families house, we would bundle up and walk the streets. The black of night acted as a shroud for the bone-chilling cold streets of Edmonton. We would pass houses lit from within with golden glows of lights revealing families about their evening's business. We both, lost souls, in an unwanted land looked in as we passed, a longing in our souls to belong where we didn't belong, to somehow find our own home in the midst of chaos.
My devotions and Bible and prayer have provided an anchor to help me weather this storm of near exhaustion as I've plodded on through the seeming unending 19 days. The ladies I car-pool with in their own exuberant sharing of thoughts, feelings, and stories have been a comfort on my journey. Gifts from their heart of coffee and a salad have helped cheer my heart.
My walking buddy gifted me with a huge box of tapes he thought I might like. Yesterday, having just a few minutes I opened the box to take a peek. I almost cried, here were many treasures I would so enjoy listening to. Many, many tapes of Charles Stanley's In Touch ministries sermons. I didn't have time to look at more of the tapes but hurried to thank my friend. What a thoughtful and sweet gesture. My friend indicated what I didn't want I could donate to our men's church at the treatment center. I can hardly wait to return and explore what appears to be over 60 sets of tapes. I'll let you know how many later after I count them.
And so along the way, there have been blessings. My walking buddy and I have gotten a few more walks in between the bouts of downpours. The woods we walk in are giving their last bright goodbyes to falls and the ground is covered with yellows, reds and oranges of their summer's coat of leaves, shed with the chill of nights, and rains cold kisses.
Today, spreads before me like an uncharted sea. I'm not sure what I will do. For sure, I intend on going to my Weight Watchers meetings. I am resolved to reach my goal weight no matter how long it takes. I also, have a million and one household tasks that have piled up through the last 19 days of work. Part of me, yearns to pack up, bundle up and escape to the outdoors. To brace myself for the wind, rain and November day and seeks vista's of oceans, and mountains and trees to wash away the cobwebs of too many hours of typing, listening, training and talking in the confines of the treatment center.
I'm not sure what to do..........the possibility of choice is like a delicious morsel of food enjoyed at an evening meal. I am so fortunate. I have so many blessings. Still with excellent health and so much strength for being 62. I have a home, food, a job, family everything I need. God has been very good to me.
And so, I read my Bible and devotional books and explore the possibilities of what the day holds. The Bible says, Man plans his way but God guides his steps. I wonder what God's will is for me this day? I will pray for wisdom and then choose a path. I like the verse in Psalms that says, He makes His footprints our pathway. I like to think about Jesus taking time out of his ministry to go to the mountains and sea to get away.
To all of you who read this blog, I've missed sharing but I've been on a journey that required me to use all my energies. Hopefully, things will quiet down in my life and we'll be able to touch base more often. I wish you all a wonderful November day. Remember, when lost and puzzeled, God is there waiting for you to reach our your hand. He promises to hold our right hand and to help us through our valleys of weeping. Take care, and talk with you soon. 
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