Day 69 - Five more weeks of 2012

 

        I'm up early on a Sunday morning, way before dawn streaks across the sky. My dreams were strange, full of remnants of turkey dinner, and images of floating down rivers with strong currents towards the seas. Yesterday morning, I shook off a sense of dissatisfaction with my morning devotionals. I've read the same books for a couple of years now, timeless classics yes, but still and all perspectives of Christian life with a familiar tone. Part of me, the forever seeking awareness part, wants to explore new depths; to perhaps find a key to spiritual life that will renew, refresh and upgrade my own spiritual life, now dimmed by the onslaught of months of unending client care.

       We'll see. Much of life is trial and error and regrouping and back-tracking. There is a verse in the New Testament that says, "All scripture is given by God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for instruction, that the person of God may be thoroughly furnished for good works." Well, I confess sometimes the fit of the Bible to my life seems a little off-kilter. What I do is strange to begin with, (Drug and Alcohol counselor) and then trying to find someway to reconcile who I am with what I'm supposed to be is a challenge. I'm sure I'm not alone in that. So then, do I give up and say, well, "here a little, there a little" and hit or miss is ok?

         Hmm. I'm going to pick a book and go through it and see what I can find that resonates with my soul. I'm going to pick Timothy. Well, I just read the first chapter of 1 Timothy. There was a lot in there; that people spend a lot of time discussing this and are missing the point of the gospel. That there are things that are right and wrong for people to do. That Paul was a huge sinner, but God forgave him to show other people that no matter how much wrong you've done, Christ can forgive and cleanse you. And, that as a message to Timothy and others, if you don't keep your conscience clear and pure, you can shipwreck your faith if you don't.

     Personal application for me; don't compromise, don't leave attitudes of heart and mind unattended to muddy my spiritual outlook. Keep a daily inventory and practice good spiritual housekeeping. This is difficult for me because I find I'm like a spiritual chameleon. I change with whom I'm with. I start my days with the purest of motives, highest aspirations and after being with people who don't believe, who believe yet live a life apart from any evidence of Christian conscience, I become changed, language, thoughts, and actions. I'm not a poster child for Christianity, to say the least.

      Sigh. It is like having a candle lit in the house. It's bright flame is a comfort in the shadows. If it's a scented candle, it's perfume permeates the air around it and unseen, the aroma of cinnamon can create a happy, warm feeling. If a window is opened, that candle can flicker and fight valiantly to keep going. If someone blows it out, a darkness comes where that light was.

     Inside me, I believe God lives, by virtue of my faith in Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit inside is the candle of my soul. My human nature, that carnal self, is strong in my thoughts and emotions. It is there that habit, belief systems, ideologies and world views conflict with "God thoughts". The struggle for good and evil begins within me and it is a matter of yielding my will to allow that candle of God's nature to shine through the essence of who I am. "We have this treasure, (God's spirit) in earthly vessels. So that the beauty of God can be revealed."

     In practice, yielding isn't that easy. Pride, self-will, ego, resentments, ambition, selfishness pop up all the time. Even if I say nothing, the thought life continues. So, if it's well nigh to impossible to be God-like why don't I just give up and "be myself" whoever that is? The fact of the matter is sometimes for me, this happens. I give up and go with the flow, (which generally is downhill, just so you know.)

      I believe that once you ask Jesus into your heart, to forgive your sins, that the Holy Spirit comes in. When that happens, a regeneration of sorts occurs. You get a new nature. This new nature comes with new desires, and ambitions that are different than the natural, carnal natures. Your inner self, now wants different things, but because self-will, free choice is not over-ridden by a kind of dictator "God spirit" each new choice has to be enacted by a conscious choosing by the person involved, in my case me. Often, like Paul, I have the will within me to choose the right, but I am aware of another force wanting the wrong. Prayer, Bible reading become like spiritual vitamins to help in this sanctification process, this putting into practice the new life and values acquired by the spiritual rebirth.

     So today, in real time, real life I face some challenges. The challenge between "acting nice", acting kind, and feeling nice, feeling kind is real. I will see people who've been unkind to me, what do I do? The Scriptural injunction would be to greet them just like I would greet my friend. So the challenge presents itself, if I don't feel forgiving, (especially if that person or persons isn't sorry) I must present it to God and ask Him to take care of it. The fact of the matter is, in my own self, I don't want to forgive, I don't want to be nice. But in the greater sense of keeping myself pure from unkind thoughts, I need to do spiritual housekeeping and trust that God can do what I cannot. That by His supernatural power I can receive in my inner self a new nature that loves the unlovely.

       Well, a bird is chirping in the woods outside my family room window. It is now dawn, and it is not raining. The dogs, full of pumpkin pie are sitting on the deck waiting to come into the warm house.

       I need a quiet time of prayer to transact my business with God. The first chapter of 1 Timothy had quite a bit in it for me. Give it a read if you haven't in a while and let me know what you think. If the King James version seems a little foreign to you try a different translation. This morning I read from the New Living Translation and it seemed a little easier go.

Hope you have a wonderful Sunday, and keep looking up!