Day 96- Counting down.....

     Up before 4 am today. Woke up finally not feeling ill. Over the weekend I got sick and was in bed for 33 hours non-stop.  I wondering,  “Is this what it feels like to have cancer? “

         How much I take for granted my good health. I must remember each day to thank God for giving me health. Funny, I’ve lost my love of coffee through this illness. When I was younger, I always knew when I was pregnant because I didn’t want coffee, it made me kind of ill. Well, I’m certainly not pregnant now, but coffee just doesn’t seem all that great anymore.

         This am early, I’ve been going over my budget on an Excel spreadsheet, adding there, subtracting here trying to make things balance. Basically, right now, I’m working to just provide the basics, home, food, vehicle, car insurance, lights, water, garbage removal, union dues, dental insurance, payment on my divorce, (still after this long).  I’ve finally worked up enough courage to sell the van. The car lot I took it to before tried to gouge me for their profit. I didn’t like that at all, to say the least.

         But I will try again, I don’t know where else to go then there. I don’t feel comfortable showing the car to random people off the internet, or from the newspaper and then having them hand me cash, or a check.  I am female, 62, and aware of so much crime. That would be dumb.  I guess it’s part of being alone in the world. I guess I’m not the only “grass roots widow” in America that has to clean up a financial mess after a divorce. They learned to survive, I will too.

         This morning, I thanked God for having oranges. So lucky I am. I couldn’t help but think of all the children there are who would love to have a nice, sweet orange but don’t. I have been so blessed to always have enough food for my children and grandchildren.  Times have been lean sometimes but we always have had food to eat. Thank you God.

         Yesterday was chaotic at work, I can’t even discuss the chaos. I’ve asked God for an easier, less stressful job, but do not have any direct leading yet. Thankful I am, (Do I sound a little Yodi’ish there?) that the young woman I asked at work if I could carpool said yes.  The lady I usually ride with and whom I’ve been praying for got a better job and leaves in less then two weeks. God had compassion on her soul because between 12.5 hour days like me, she also cares to two invalid parents and has adult children who need her support. I’ve told her often, “I don’t think I could handle your life, it’s just too much.” So God, opened a door for her, close to home, doing more of what she wants to do. Thank you God.

         I wonder a little, “What about me God?” Well, I see it’s time for me to get ready for work and face whatever issues the treatment center has to offer today.

         ……five days later. I’m sitting in my van, it’s pitch dark and torrential rains are beating against the roof. I’m at the local library because I’m using their free wi-fi. My Saturday was busy, and for the last few hours I’ve been relaxing. Made dinner, sweet and sour pork over rice, watched TV, and just rested. Trying to plan a camping trip and the sound of the storm makes me think, really?  Don’t I remember the rains last year on the camping trip? Yes but, there were memories to last a lifetime.

         Need sweatshirts and warm clothes for cold-weather camping. My rain jacket at work will need to come home. God is good, and I continue to sense His presence. I  am thankful for the prayers of my church family. I am feeling stronger every day.

         I’m starting to get cold and am thinking of the big, soft recliner at home, my quilts, hot tea, a snack or two and the remote. Ahhh… the joy of weekends.

         Oh, lost another 2.6 pounds this week. That’s a total of 35 since last May.  Certainly not quick, but I’m down 4 pant sizes. Yikers!

         Well, tomorrow I have to play the piano for church and it’s little embarrassing, well actually, a whole lot embarrassing because I’m not very good. But, the regular pianist is on vacation. We have a missionary there also, but something is better than nothing, and it’s not about me anyway.

         Hope all of you that read this had an encouraging week. Mine was crazy with the ever changing drama that is inpatient treatment but look at it this way, I’m never bored.

         Brr…….. where’s are warmer days? On the way soon, the flowers are blooming and the trees are beginning to bloom also.

         Best to each of you and may the God of all comfort surround you with his love and care. Feeling blue? Get out your Bible and start rereading the Psalms.  So many comforting verses. Take care…. And keep looking up!