It’s all about me……….
I create a text to let my
office know and try to let go of the weight of the work I know is piling up in
my absence. I settle back, realize I’m also feeling a little flu-like. OH well,
in the mean while I will focus on renewing my spirit and strength.
I wrap up in my quilt, turn
on Christian television and ready for my day at home. I wish I could go somewhere to renew, a cabin
in the woods, a condo on the beach, somewhere the demands of life can’t reach.
Right now I can’t and I settle for being warm, having food, a lit candle
warming my heart with its glowing. For many of us, our “Sabbath” rest has to
occur where we are at. We don’t all the luxuries of time and money to get away
for a retreat.
If I miss my morning
devotions, I feel discombobulated all day. Focusing on the powerful messages of
others who have walked before me encourages my heart. It is as if they are
speaking into my life, peace, strength, encouragement and hope. I try to hold
those thoughts throughout my day; sometimes I am not as successful as others.
Perhaps someone, or someone’s are unpleasant to me at work. It’s annoying and
tiresome. I pray, I try to be kind but on occasion the annoyance bubbles up My
sense of “injustice” rises up and somehow over-rides my “God” thoughts and I
enter the realm of, “Really, do they think they can act that way and get away
with it?”
These thoughts and
resentments don’t resonate with God’s ways, His Spirit, His teachings. From
what I can understand Jesus tells us, Blessed are you when men revile you, (be
disrespectful). Blessed are you when they say all manner of evil against you.
(for my sake.)
The blessed comes with a
condition, and that condition is if it’s for the sake of the Gospel. Often, it
has nothing what-so-ever to do with anything related to Jesus. It’s just the
way the world works. How I handle it, what my response is, well that’s on me.
Jesus commands us to be in the world, but not of the world. Admittedly my life
is a mixture of current culture; worldly mindsets; ideas of personhood and
“rights”. I am not a prime candidate to be witness for the redemptive power of
a risen Lord. I am more a poster child for an aging hippy, educated in secular
universities and working in secular, thoroughly culturally immersed work
worlds.
So, do I set back, give up
and just be the real me? The real me was a huge 60’s concept and it’s part and
parcel of today’s zeitgeist also. We have a world bent on deifying self,
elevating Me, I, Self to a position of being the end all and be all.
Is that what I should
succumb to now? Certainly the “feel good” be true to yourself philosophy has a
seductive lure. Why shouldn’t I speak up for myself? Why should I take someone
being rude for absolutely no reason? Why should I continue to be kind to
someone who is being really, really unpleasant?
The whys continue and
proliferate, much like the Tribbles of Star Trek past. Why should I try to be different and practice
love, forgiveness, and faith continually to believe that God will supply all my
needs according to His riches in glory. (including the need to be respected). Well, for me it’s pretty simple. I was
horribly lost, emotionally, physically, spiritually every way you can think of.
My childfaith in Jesus had been set aside for the current world view. My
lifestyle reflected the “me-ology” of the times. I made decisions based on
serving self, and selfishness. I was all about me.
What I found was that I
lost all my peace, all my joy, all my happiness and was filled with regret,
despair, shame, remorse, fear, everything dark and evil. There came a point
where I knew I needed God to help me or I wasn’t going to make it out of the
pit my decisions had put me in. I cried out, “Help me God!” And He did. And then, (yes for me there’s
been many and thens) I started getting back into the I’isms. Me this, me that,
I think, I feel, I want; and I was drawn away from my faith and went back into
the pit.
Oh, it never looked like a
pit; it always looked like something fun, or exciting, or something that would
elevate me in some way; my rights, my will, my, my, my.
I am very thankful for the
richness of the mercy of God. He never had given me what I deserved for my
rebelliousness. He has given me more grace, forgiveness and restoration than I
ever merited. A stubborn rebellious woman has been forgiven, restored,
forgiven, restored again and again.
I love feeling safe. I love
feeling pure. I love feeling content. I love feeling hope. Jesus gives me those
things as long as I keep focused on Him and His purposes. Like Peter jumping
out of the boat to walk to Jesus, as long as I keep my mind and heart set on the purposes of God for
my life I experience peace.
However, the fact of the
matter is there are somethings that contribute to losing that focus, at least
for me these things include: over-work; envy; resentments; lack of exercise; lack of discipline
in any area of my life; eating, spending, emotions. So, I have this time right
now, set aside from my work by a bout of ill health. Will I use this time to
regroup spiritually and realize I’m getting sucked back into the downward
spiral of thoughts that lead away from God?
Yes, I think I will use
this time. With God’s help I will make a plan for how to counteract the
negative influences in my life and stay focused on my ultimate objective;
reflecting the love of Christ to others who are suffering right now. Ignoring
their behaviors and seeing beyond to the aches they cannot express; the pains
they cannot voice; the cries for help they cannot speak.
Renewal. No fanfare, no
balloons, no banners, just a quiet act of spirit and prayer. God, help me to
remain grateful for your blessings in my life. Help me to be humble and not
look to this culture, these people for my self-esteem. Help me to let go of
those things that bother me and re-focus on eternal values. And God, please
cleanse me and fill me with your divine love for those people in my life that
could use their own measure of unmerited favor and grace.
God, you’ve given me time,
help me to give you my life, such as it is.
I love the expression,
“Little is much when God is in it.”
Let
that be true in my life today, and for the rest of the todays I‘ve been given.
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