Patch of Blue

         

     I’m home still, sitting in my family room, looking at the sky lights and noticing a patch of blue. Tall fir and cedar trees soar over the roof-line of my home and almost all but obscure that blue sky, but I can still see it.

          Woke up with pain, my whole right arm is sore from my flu shot, not bad, awful pain, just pain. I feel kind of like I’ve been in a wreck or something, checking to see what still works and what I can move. Apparently everything works, although with more pain than I’ve ever noticed before. Ah, age, strange companion that changes my sight, hearing and looks until I see my reflection and wonder, “Who is this person?”

          Yesterday, at the Dr’s office, she was amazed to see I take no medications. Apparently, at my age, that’s a rarity. I am thankful and grateful. Things could be much worse than they are. Right now, my blood work is back and I see except for a slightly elevated cholesterol and low Vitamin D, everything looks ok. Awesome, again something to be thankful for. My EKG, (which incidentally is now a quick-ed-dee-do-dah procedure) has not yet been read. And so I wait. I was dizzy, several times, seriously, and I have pain. Want to know what my “heart health” is before I trudge back to my job, with is filled with high level stress.

          So, now, I try to luxuriate in my time to rest, doing little things that don’t exhaust me throughout the day. The object is to rest, but the spring cleaning bug has bit and I so wish I was my normal, (editors note: my normal) self, diving in and getting things done. Instead I watch as other family members shampoo my carpet, move furniture and I sit, benched as it were on the sidelines of my life, if only for a while.

          I try not to think about work, my caseload of clients, personnel issues, mountains of paperwork, upcoming re-certifications for agency, new electronic record keeping systems. A few thoughts break through and I catch myself making mental to-do lists. I stop myself. I give the situations to God and let go. The job, the clients are not my life. Important yes, but not so important that I risk my health because I believe I’m the only one that can do my job. There are others to pick up the load I have temporarily dropped, and more importantly, there is God.

          The sun touches the branches of trees in my skylights, making my patch of blue ever more blue. Ah, the sun, I love it so. I had hoped so much to be able to visit Disney World this year but it appears I cannot. Odd to yearn for a place like I do Disney World. I love it there, I feel happy there. Flowers and beauty and safety and fun and families. Who wouldn't like that?

          I have been so fortunate to have the blessings I have had in my life. I must continually remember those blessings. I like one of the Psalms where David says, “I call to my mind, my songs in the night.” I have had those songs in the night. I used to sing and write songs. I used to play the piano and guitar and share with my church my faith in God. I don’t do that anymore but I can remember.

          There are seasons of life for many. Some, cut short in infancy or youth never live to see the days of gray hair and failing eyesight. For whatever reason, I’ve been blessed and am now in the Winter years, where patches of blue in my skylights bring me joy, and the ability to still cook a meal give me independence. I cannot know how long this season will last. Will it be years? Will it be months? Will it be days? None of us knows the number of our days.

          For now, waiting for the results of my EKG, I kind of wonder. Will my quality of life change suddenly? If so, will I be able to seek God to give me the grace to go through that season with grace? I hope so, people who are bitter about their health issues make everyone in their lives upset. God grant me your Spirit, power and love to never be that person. To remember the songs in the night, the patches of blue skies, the trips to Disney World, the kids and grand-kids and remain grateful, no matter what.

          May today, where-ever you are, bring you joy as you find your own patches of blue to anchor your thoughts, your spirit, and your sense of gratefulness for the blessings God has given you in your life.

“Lo I will be with you always, even to the end of the earth.”

          Jesus