I’m home
still, sitting in my family room, looking at the sky lights and noticing a
patch of blue. Tall fir and cedar trees soar over the roof-line of my home and
almost all but obscure that blue sky, but I can still see it.
Woke up with
pain, my whole right arm is sore from my flu shot, not bad, awful pain, just
pain. I feel kind of like I’ve been in a wreck or something, checking to see
what still works and what I can move. Apparently everything works, although
with more pain than I’ve ever noticed before. Ah, age, strange companion that
changes my sight, hearing and looks until I see my reflection and wonder, “Who
is this person?”
Yesterday, at
the Dr’s office, she was amazed to see I take no medications. Apparently, at my
age, that’s a rarity. I am thankful and grateful. Things could be much worse
than they are. Right now, my blood work is back and I see except for a slightly
elevated cholesterol and low Vitamin D, everything looks ok. Awesome, again something
to be thankful for. My EKG, (which incidentally is now a quick-ed-dee-do-dah
procedure) has not yet been read. And so I wait. I was dizzy, several times,
seriously, and I have pain. Want to know what my “heart health” is before I trudge
back to my job, with is filled with high level stress.
So, now, I try
to luxuriate in my time to rest, doing little things that don’t exhaust me throughout
the day. The object is to rest, but the spring cleaning bug has bit and I so
wish I was my normal, (editors note: my
normal) self, diving in and getting things done. Instead I watch as other
family members shampoo my carpet, move furniture and I sit, benched as it were
on the sidelines of my life, if only for a while.
I try not to
think about work, my caseload of clients, personnel issues, mountains of
paperwork, upcoming re-certifications for agency, new electronic record keeping
systems. A few thoughts break through and I catch myself making mental to-do
lists. I stop myself. I give the situations to God and let go. The job, the
clients are not my life. Important yes, but not so important that I risk my
health because I believe I’m the only one that can do my job. There are others
to pick up the load I have temporarily dropped, and more importantly, there is
God.
The sun
touches the branches of trees in my skylights, making my patch of blue ever
more blue. Ah, the sun, I love it so. I had hoped so much to be able to visit
Disney World this year but it appears I cannot. Odd to yearn for a place like I
do Disney World. I love it there, I feel happy there. Flowers and beauty and
safety and fun and families. Who wouldn't like that?
I have been so
fortunate to have the blessings I have had in my life. I must continually
remember those blessings. I like one of the Psalms where David says, “I call to
my mind, my songs in the night.” I have had those songs in the night. I used to
sing and write songs. I used to play the piano and guitar and share with my
church my faith in God. I don’t do that anymore but I can remember.
There are
seasons of life for many. Some, cut short in infancy or youth never live to see
the days of gray hair and failing eyesight. For whatever reason, I’ve been
blessed and am now in the Winter years, where patches of blue in my skylights
bring me joy, and the ability to still cook a meal give me independence. I
cannot know how long this season will last. Will it be years? Will it be
months? Will it be days? None of us knows the number of our days.
For now,
waiting for the results of my EKG, I kind of wonder. Will my quality of life
change suddenly? If so, will I be able to seek God to give me the grace to go
through that season with grace? I hope so, people who are bitter about their
health issues make everyone in their lives upset. God grant me your Spirit,
power and love to never be that person. To remember the songs in the night, the
patches of blue skies, the trips to Disney World, the kids and grand-kids and
remain grateful, no matter what.
May today,
where-ever you are, bring you joy as you find your own patches of blue to
anchor your thoughts, your spirit, and your sense of gratefulness for the
blessings God has given you in your life.
“Lo I will be with you always, even to the end of the earth.”
Jesus
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