Day 88 - a new adventure awaits

Awake, with the awareness that I have been driven over the past few years by projects, plans, and purposes. That always, there have been goals set before my face towards which I have directed my energies, resources and passions. For this moment of time I am stepping out of those ebbing tides to step back and assess. I want to ask the question, “What am I doing for the rest of my life?”

Yesterday, lecturing to a room of about 40 men in treatment, I tried to   communicate to them the concept of, “What if?”  After having met all of them, hearing their names, ages, County of origin, maybe why they were there, or drugs of choice, I looked out over a sea of tired, young/old faces and realized the depth of despair represented in their corporate mass. How dare I even attempt to engage them in some kind of motivating dialog?  Well, number one and foremost, I believe that God can indwell my feeble self, reason, intellect and infuse me with a greater wisdom and ability to reach into the lives of the people I work with. So, bathed in prayer, hopefully steeped in a sense of dependence upon a power greater then myself, I tried to communicate.

I saw a few connections in the eyes of the men I spoke with. A few tears, a few glimmers of hope, a few seeds of daring to believe that maybe, this time, things might be different; that this time, they could follow through and not return to drugs and lives of crime.

I value being able to speak to the men, to try to motivate them to change, but much of me longs to be able to share the power, purpose, passion of the message of the redemptive love of Jesus. The anemic message of HP, (Higher Power), watered-down, politically correct, falls short of what I know they need.  Fortunately, I know if I encourage them to seek, to attend church, Celebrate Recovery meetings, they will connect with the message of hope in Christ Jesus. I am only planting seeds that someone else will water.

So here I am on a Saturday morning, drinking coffee, caught up in a spiral of wondering, “What will I do for the rest of my life?” I like the verses in Psalms, “You will show me the path of life, in your presence is fullness of joy.”  In Proverbs, this is one of my favorite verses, “Your Word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path.” As a hiker, I love spending time exploring deep into the mountains and forest. Being possessed of great stamina, I can hike for hours, resting here and there, drinking in the scenery. Sometimes, the lure of the trail draws me further and further until I realize that unprepared for overnight camping I must turn and go back down the trail. Any number of times, the sinking sun has brought shadows and I’ve found myself carefully watching my steps as darkness falls. The fact of the matter is, it’s dangerous to be up in the mountains and trying to find your way in the dark, there are too many rocks, bumps, roots in the trail that at any time can send you tumbling over a cliff for a nasty fall.

It’s the same way with life. There are twists and bends in the road, new vistas ahead which can beckon, but in a very real sense you need to keep your wits about you or you can end up chasing elusive rainbows that end up in disaster. Now, on the cusp of getting old, still in the throes of excellent health, and so much energy, I’m tempted to seek adventure. Hilarious but true. I have a challenging job now, but it’s secure. I’m in a union, I have seniority, and I’m at the top of the chart for achieving client engagement.  If I want to stay there, I’m not going anywhere soon.

However, the call, the desire of my heart is to be a ‘fisher of men’ (and women).  I feel hindered in working in a secular, non-partisan treatment center where I cannot tell people about the message of salvation through Jesus Christ. The door is open to bring in Bibles and Christian books, which I have done through the generous donations of my church. I can have Christian plaques on the wall of my office, but unless someone asks me about my faith, I am obligated to not tell them. I have the ethical constraints of our agency, and our Department of Corrections contract where freedom of religion is guaranteed through the Constitution of the United States, and respect of culture and belief systems are guaranteed.

Within those constraints I can’t help wondering, “Am I in any way a light for the lost? A voice crying in the wilderness this way towards hope and healing?”

Earlier in my life, my desire to be in ministry was blocked by barriers of my past mistakes.  Now, time, age, and training has somewhat eliminated those barriers. I realize I could go out into the world and be involved in missions. There is a world of people, old, young, suffering, addicted who could benefit from my compassion, knowledge and training. As my obligations to others decreases here in the United States, I could go, I could serve.

Like many of you reading this, I struggle with knowing what  the will of God is for my life. Understanding what part our will has in determining where we’re supposed to be is crucial. Knowing what part open doors play in defining opportunity is also a component. More importantly, having the strong awareness of what our own part is in seeking those pathways, looking for those avenues, and understanding when we should follow our  desires is an ongoing challenge. When are we to “bloom where we’re planted?”  When are we to seek out new avenues of service?

Well, right now, in my life that’s where I’m at. Trying to be the best I can where I’m at, but building up to the awareness that very possibly I’m ready to let go of the ties here, and go to a foreign country.  I don’t know if the ‘foreign country’ is going to be an inter-city mission in the United States, or somewhere far away in a third world country, but I sense it is coming.  I am getting ready. I am still working on getting fit, modifying my diet and exercise plans. I am still in the process of downsizing my material possessions. Room by room, closet by closet. Maybe someday, I will be down to a suitcase, we’ll see.

I can’t help smiling at this moment. I’ve always loved adventures and I know one is right around the corner. I will keep you posted as to what I discover on my own pathway. One thing I know, these last few years have not been dull, that’s not been in the vocabulary of my life. They’ve been difficult, they’ve been challenging but never dull. God has sustained me, strengthened me, and enable me to cope with people and places I never would have imagined possible.

I challenge each of you reading this to discover, “What does God have in your future?” Are there purposes and plans you never could have imagined?  If you keep trusting, if you keep believing, if you keep being willing, God is looking for people who will help in His ultimate purposes and plans. The fields are white unto harvest, are you willing to go? Have a wonderful day and be blessed. What is your next adventure???

Day 87 What If????

Day 87- What if ??

In church this morning when our pastor spoke, he said felt God wanted to convey a word of encouragement to someone, that word was, “Trust.” I thought on that for a while as an international missionary couple talked about their mission and ministry in Spain.

This afternoon, enjoying the sunny, bright crisp winter day from the comfort of my family room couch my thoughts continued to evolve. “Trust.” What if I began to operate daily on the fact that I can trust God’s promises. What if each action and attitude of my heart acts on the premise that what God has said in the Bible is written for me, will I suddenly find myself making horrendous mistakes? Will my finances plummet even further?  Will my career efforts instead of being successful become dismally projected towards failure?

At this point of my life, the fact of the matter is, deciding to act as if God is real, and loves me, and will take care of me no matter what, can’t hurt. Thinking about that actually makes me want to sing, and a new song is bubbling up in my soul,

 

“Walking on water, how does it feel?

Knowing that believing, will make it real.

I know it’s not easy to face the waves

With  Jesus beside me, I can obey.

 

When the wind blows strong, I sing this song

My faith it might falter, but not for long

For when I am weary and start to fall

That’s when he lifts me, my all in all.

Well, that’s just the beginning of the song. Now, night is falling and my evening is begun. The what if’s of tomorrow stretch ahead.

 What if tomorrow is the day, my joy comes in the morning?

Be happy and be blessed.

 

 

 

Day 86 - rest for the weary

This am, early I got up and made my morning coffee. While it was brewing, I gave Winnie, the gray calico cat her bowl of milk and let the dogs outside for a run. Mornings are for me the time to read my Bible and regroup, drink my coffee and get new direction for my day. First of the year, I gathered my devotional books and put them away. I was determined to forge a new path of study without my old friends. One day, missing my old companions I searched them out and took them from their spot on the shelf putting them back on the bedside table where they’ve resided for many years. I missed reading their thoughts on God’s workings, which have become part and parcel of my morning routine.

There is something to be said about hearing the thoughts of other people who have lived and searched for the best ways to know God. I realize that each of us must find out own way, but for me, it helps to hear how others have understood and tested the promises of God in their own lives. This morning, bits and pieces of the words of Jesus came into my own mind and I searched out the reference for the verse,

“Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Mathew 11:29

Well, I like this verse because it gives me hope that not always will I be struggling and tired; that at some point, I will experience a rest of soul, mind and body. I don’t want to become lazy, or slothful, lounging on the couch eating boxes of chocolate, but I would like to have a break from the pressures of life. The must do’s, the have tos, the deadlines, the must pays, these I find tedious and stressful.

I watch HGTV in the evenings after my twelve hour work day and often enjoy watching House Hunters International.  So often young families are shown  relocating to other counties to slow their pace down, to rediscover the value of together time in cultures not so rush, rush, rush oriented.

Well, I might have the money to move to one of these countries, but I’d never have the money to come back. Yes the food, rent and utilities are so low I could afford to retire, but would I yearn for the faces of my children and grandchildren while I was enjoying the sunshine? I think I might, in fact I know I would and so I stay connected to where I’m at, wondering why water should cost me almost $100 a month, and how on earth I’m ever going to fix the roof, or the front porch. I also wonder quietly to myself, “Does Jesus care about my water bill? “ That might sound like a sacrilegious question to some people reading this but does He?

 Another verse that comes to my mind says,

 “Cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” I Peter 5:7

Doesn’t this include water bills? And leaking roofs? Am I foolish to limit God and think that well those verses are philosophical and there not really talking about literal, actual, everyday things?  Hmmm…… when Jesus fed the five thousand because they were hungry and weary, that was pretty literal. When he healed the Centurion’s child,  that was pretty literal. In this world of computers, and jets, and internet, it seems that the tendency is to put Jesus in a religion box we take out on Sunday’s and sing about and to. No longer is He the God of the impossible, He has become the God of the obligatory Sunday service.  Where did this philosophy come from and why is it so pervasive that even I, a Christian for many years is noticing the creeping doubts that come, wondering if Jesus cares about my water bill?

One devotional I read today emphasized the need to be alone with God until His thoughts, will and plans become enmeshed into our spirits. To quiet our hearts and minds to listen to that still, small voice that will teach us wisdom and knowledge for our lives. Well, I realize the way I described that process almost sounds as if I’m lighting incense and staring into the dark. That’s not what I’m advocating.  I don’t think the trappings of religious fervor are necessary but a willing heart and spirit are.

This one thing I know, I am tired, weary and worn out from the pressures of facing my life with its financial and job pressures. I need a new direction where things are not so chaotic or if they are the rewards spiritually offset the pain and suffering.

 

A chorus I often sang as a youth was,

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,

All I have to do is follow

 My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,

All I have to do is follow.

Strength for today, is mine all the way,

And all that I need for tomorrow

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness.

All I have to do is follow.

 

Well, much like a GPS system thrown out of whack by multiple streets with the same name, my own GPS, my God Programming System is out of kilter. Materialism has crept in and is jamming my homing signal. I am trying to find God with a spirit cluttered by love of things clinging stubbornly on to my soul.

Today, with God’s help I will deep-clean my own spirit and try again to find His way for my life, to find His rest for my life, and perhaps in the process rediscover my own joy in the morning.

To those of you on a similar trek, take heart. May your todays be blessed with an awareness of His presence and your nights be comforted with the knowledge of his love.

Promise: “Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your heart and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4: 6-7

Day - 85 the next stage of the journey

      Sitting in the sunlight living room of my home in my mom’s old recliner. It’s a moment out of time when I can just sit and let the undone chores cease their beckoning. Our ancient cat, Winnie, gives herself a bath while basking in the sun. She’s getting pesky in her old age and is likely to bother me each and every early morning for her bowl of milk. She’s fourteen years old and has been our companion through many and varied stages of life.

     Now, not retired, just tired I’m gearing up for this last leg of my journey. I have a while yet before the final downsizing occurs and the pressures to maintain the status-quo of house, car, and myriad bills  keeps tap, tapping on my awareness. But, for this moment of time, I will sit in the sun and reflect on who I am and how I came to be.

     A glance out the dining room window today revealed yet more downed trees in the deep forested ravine. The creek, taking it’s own hiatus from chaos gently flows through the ravine towards the mighty Columbia River. Yesterday, awake in the wee morning hours, I was serenaded by the call of  fog horns from ships making their through the midst of the fog-shrouded river to the ocean, and the wide open sea. 

     Much of my life has involved waiting for the next ‘shoe to drop’. So many times in my life, God has appeared at that last moment and provided a way of escape so that the impending disaster was averted. Sometimes, the feared appeared but with halting steps I made my way through, my spiritual hand tucked tightly in God’s. And now, moment by moment I appropriate strength to tackle whatever’s next. The increase of Social Security taxes hit me hard, another 60 dollars out of an already dwindling pay check. Ever hopeful, I worked on my tax return to discover that instead of a healthy thousand plus refund, it too had dwindled to a mere 150 token check.

      I realize, in every pore, that I am still  and all incredibly wealthy by much of the world’s standard. We are still eating, although on modified fare, and the utilities, shut off notices aside are still on. I try to envision 3^rd world children digging through garbage dumps for scraps of food, but cannot. I know it’s true, but it is so far removed from where I am tucked into a small Oregon town, living on a hillside enjoying the warmth of the sun in a peaceful comfortable chair.

     Missionaries come to visit our church; news programs show of disaster and I try to wrap my mind around the realities facing others gaining perspective on what my own woes might be. The sun is making me sleepy and so much I want to kick back fall to sleep and face things later, but I want to finish my thoughts, to spell out some kind of plan of how to get through this fog of an aging American grandmother caught in the economic crunch.

     This week at work, my group of men, many years of prison and jail between them, rebelled and I, aging grandmother that I am had to play the “heavy” and lay down the rules. It was, and is exhausting to hear the complaints, to experience the anger, the drama, and hold the line steady.  Many of them I’m sure are working through unresolved family of origin issues. Others are quite blunt with the fact they hate authority of any kind, and I am in a role of authority. I pray, seek God’s patience, God’s grace and try to accept them for who they are. To be kind, after they have been unkind. Sometimes, it’s impossible not to wonder if all this trying to change them helps in the long run.  In graduation, I gave a speech that called them to consider their connection with God. To look at the disconnect with their spiritual side as an indicator that unless fixed the journey towards chaos would continue, with jail, prison or death as the final destination.  One man came up to me afterwards and said he liked what I said. Will he try to implement any of the ideas in his own life? Only God knows.

     Somewhat like me and this convoluted working after 60 experience, my rose bushes are confused and are putting out their tender new shoots, unaware much winter is still upon us. They will freeze over in the next storm and try again the next few sunny days. My dogs, laying in the sun on the back deck are enjoying the sun also. They’re not worried I’ll forget to feed them but are in the moment. They are simple and trusting, and not anxious about the future. Do I want to be like them, oblivious to possible realities good and bad and blissfully ignorant? 

  No of course not, but I would like to take a page out of the pages of faith journal and write my name and life across the pages in bold strokes of a confident believer. At this very moment, I confess I’m enjoying the sun but still waiting for the clouds to come. I will continue to pray, read my Bible and moment by moment place my feet on the path as revealed, that moment, that day. Something will happened, good or bad and the tension will cease. That is a promise in the Bible that He never gives us more than we can bear, that sorrow only last for a night, and joy will finally come in the morning.

     Today, now, I am safe and I have food. I have clothes to wear and a place to live. I am rich. I will count my blessings and let go of those things and situations which I cannot control or change. Much like the child who struggled to swim only to discover floating; I am struggling to survive until I finally, thoroughly understand faith.

To each of you struggling with your own mountains and trials, look up; God is still on the throne and prayer changes things. Be blessed.

Day 84 Leaning on the promises....

 

Saturday evening at home my dad would call to all us children to bring him our church shoes.  He had a box with cans of different colored shoe polish and he would use an old soft cloth to put a new shine into our “Sunday best.” It was interesting to me to see all the polishes. The smell of the old wax polish intrigued me as sometimes I watched his labor of love with our shoes.

Dad had a practical nature and buying shoes was one place that reflected that nature. We would go to the shoe store and I would see pretty shoes, bows, buckles, soft soles.  “I like those shoes, can I try those on?” I would ask in my little girl voice. “No,” he would respond, “Look at these.” He would then pick out sturdy oxfords, or penny loafers, with good solid soles, and plenty of leather. Those would last. 

The only exception was our Easter shoes.   Mom would take us to some of the nicest stores around. We would look at beautiful fluffy dresses, pinks, pale yellows, blues and beautiful shoes, bows, buckles, delicate.  They were truly beautiful. Every year I got one of those beautiful dresses, along with beautiful shoes. I would usually get to pick from racks of hats adorned with colorful flowers, ribbons and bows. To complete the outfit I would get clothes and a purse to match my shoes. Back in those days, women carried handkerchiefs and I would have a sweet little embroidered new hankies to tuck in  my little purse. They would give me my offering and oh so proud I would put it inside the pockets of the new purse feeling rich and proud.  I’m not sure who enjoyed this more, me or mom, but it was a tradition I loved. Once, a neighbor girls mom, let me know how little she liked me and included some smart remark about all my nice clothes.  They were poor, had a lot of children and never had beautiful Easter dresses.

I was a lucky child indeed.

So on Saturday night, Dad would line up our shoes, polished, cleaned and mom would iron our clothes. Those were the days before wash and wear and she took pride in turning us out for Sunday’s pressed, polished, and gussied up.

One Easter Sunday, the local paper came by the church to see all the churchgoers in their Easter bonnets, with all the flowers upon them…. Our family was selected to be photographed and next paper day our picture adorned the front page smiling into the camera in our finery, captioned, The Dray Family On Easter Sunday.

Recently, pressed with needed to conserve I went back to the sturdy shoe mentality; I bought a pair of Romeo shoes. Thick sole, lots of leather and oh so comfortable. The miles I walk in the treatment center are cushioned by their sturdiness. I’ve taken a few jokes about the shoes, and a few rude remarks. The shoes however will last me a long time, they were a good investment.

Another good investment and tradition for me has been reading my Bible daily. For me, it’s as if the fabric of my soul is like those Saturday night shoes, dusty, in need of polish. My life is like that. I start out each day with good intentions but life, my inner nature all combine to soil my soul so to speak. Without the renewing of the Word in the Bible, showing me places in my character where I’ve become ragged and worn, I would quickly revert back to becoming a person who not only was not at their “Sunday best” but not much good for Monday through Saturday either.

          Some people say, “I don’t need God in my life. “I’m a good person. I try to help people whenever I can. I don’t need religion as some sort of crutch.”

Well, I don’t fight or argue with those people, for them they believe what they believe. For me however, it’s been different. I need God.  I need His forgiveness and cleansing for all the dumb mistakes I’ve made in the past, and all the dumb mistakes I make daily. I need His strength, His love to transform my life, emotions, intellect moment by moment.

Another tradition I love, and have grown to cherish is finding promises in the Bible and then claiming them as my own. A promise is something God says in the Bible, and each person has the privilege of “claiming” it for themselves.  There are different how-to’s about this process. There are different explanations of what makes this work. My understanding is that the Word of God is  spiritually alive. That through the supernatural, spiritual nature of God when He speaks it is more than words per se. There is power, and life in His words that extends for all eternity. The story of creation tells about a God so powerful that when he spoke, worlds were created.

In my Bibles, when there is a statement about what God says He will do in response to an attitude, action or need in a person’s life, I claim that promise as my own. In the Psalms, (one of my favorite places to read), when it says,

When Robin calls upon me, I will answer. I will be with Robin in trouble and I will deliver her. I will rescue Robin and honor her. Psalm 91:15

I put my name in there. When I pray I thank God for His Word to me, and His promises and I claim them for myself and my family. I’ve heard it explained like this:

 A rich man visited a large city in the United States. He observed one man who worked very hard in a large hotel. He was polite, he hurried to help people and was always busy.  After inquiring about the man he learned he had many children and a sick wife.  They were all very poor and were struggling to make ends meet.  This story touched the rich man’s heart and he wrote out a check for the man for $10,000 dollars.  Upon leaving the hotel he told the man how impressed he was with the hard work he did and wanted to make him a gift.  The man beamed proudly and took the check.

A week later, the hotel manager happened to enter the back room where the man had a small desk. There on the wall the man had framed the check and was displaying it proudly, he did not understand what it was worth.  The manager found the man and explained that he had to use the check and discover the richness of the man’s gift.

God’s promises are like that. We each individually have to use, or claim the promises to discover that like that check, they are of great value. God doesn’t lie, and He doesn’t change.

In that same church of my childhood we used to sing many encouraging songs.  A favorite of mine was, Standing on the Promises.  The message of that song is that with God’s Word and promises we can be secure, in the storms, through the storms and beyond. How thankful I am for that.  Today, I will wear my sturdy shoes, claim my verse for today and go out into my Saturday world. 

My plans are now, early morning, still before dawn, to attend my Weight Watchers meeting, go buy groceries, come home and load the truck up to go to the dump. A simple life, everyday tasks I love.  All the while, my inner soul will be standing on the promises in my sturdy shoes, praying that God will give me strength, wisdom and purpose.

To each of you in your Saturday world have a blessed day and may your journey take you to your own continued discovery of the power and comfort of the promises of God.

       

Day84- Leaning on the promises…

Saturday evening at home my dad would call to all us children to bring him our church shoes.  He had a box with cans of different colored shoe polish and he would use an old soft cloth to put a new shine into our “Sunday best.” It was interesting to me to see all the polishes. The smell of the old wax polish intrigued me as sometimes I watched his labor of love with our shoes.

Dad had a practical nature and buying shoes was one place that reflected that nature. We would go to the shoe store and I would see pretty shoes, bows, buckles, soft soles.  “I like those shoes, can I try those on?” I would ask in my little girl voice. “No,” he would respond, “Look at these.” He would then pick out sturdy oxfords, or penny loafers, with good solid soles, and plenty of leather. Those would last.  The only exception was our Easter shoes.   Mom would take us to some of the nicest stores around. We would look at beautiful fluffy dresses, pinks, pale yellows, blues and beautiful shoes, bows, buckles, delicate.  They were truly beautiful. Every year I got one of those beautiful dresses, along with beautiful shoes. I would usually get to pick from racks of hats adorned with colorful flowers, ribbons and bows. To complete the outfit I would get clothes and a purse to match my shoes. Back in those days, women carried handkerchiefs and I would have a sweet little embroidered new hankies to tuck in  my little purse. They would give me my offering and oh so proud I would put it inside the pockets of the new purse feeling rich and proud.  I’m not sure who enjoyed this more, me or mom, but it was a tradition I loved. Once, a neighbor girls mom, let me know how little she liked me and included some smart remark about all my nice clothes.  They were poor, had a lot of children and never had beautiful Easter dresses. I was a lucky child indeed.

So on Saturday night, Dad would line up our shoes, polished, cleaned and mom would iron our clothes. Those were the days before wash and wear and she took pride in turning us out for Sunday’s pressed, polished, and gussied up.

One Easter Sunday, the local paper came by the church to see all the churchgoers in their Easter bonnets, with all the flowers upon them…. Our family was selected to be photographed and next paper day our picture adorned the front page smiling into the camera in our finery, captioned, The Dray Family On Easter Sunday.

Recently, pressed with needed to conserve I went back to the sturdy shoe mentality; I bought a pair of Romeo shoes. Thick sole, lots of leather and oh so comfortable. The miles I walk in the treatment center are cushioned by their sturdiness. I’ve taken a few jokes about the shoes, and a few rude remarks. The shoes however will last me a long time, they were a good investment.

Another good investment and tradition for me has been reading my Bible daily. For me, it’s as if the fabric of my soul is like those Saturday night shoes, dusty, in need of polish. My life is like that. I start out each day with good intentions but life, my inner nature all combine to soil my soul so to speak. Without the renewing of the Word in the Bible, showing me places in my character where I’ve become ragged and worn, I would quickly revert back to becoming a person who not only was not at their “Sunday best” but not much good for Monday through Saturday either.

 

Some people say, “I don’t need God in my life. “I’m a good person. I try to help people whenever I can. I don’t need religion as some sort of crutch.”

Well, I don’t fight or argue with those people, for them they believe what they believe. For me however, it’s been different. I need God.  I need His forgiveness and cleansing for all the dumb mistakes I’ve made in the past, and all the dumb mistakes I make daily. I need His strength, His love to transform my life, emotions, intellect moment by moment.

Another tradition I love, and have grown to cherish is finding promises in the Bible and then claiming them as my own. A promise is something God says in the Bible, and each person has the privilege of “claiming” it for themselves.  There are different how-to’s about this process. There are different explanations of what makes this work. My understanding is that the Word of God is  spiritually alive. That through the supernatural, spiritual nature of God when He speaks it is more than words per se. There is power, and life in His words that extends for all eternity. The story of creation tells about a God so powerful that when he spoke, worlds were created.

In my Bibles, when there is a statement about what God says He will do in response to an attitude, action or need in a person’s life, I claim that promise as my own. In the Psalms, (one of my favorite places to read), when it says,

When Robin calls upon me, I will answer. I will be with Robin in trouble and I will deliver her. I will rescue Robin and honor her. Psalm 91:15

I put my name in there. When I pray I thank God for His Word to me, and His promises and I claim them for myself and my family. I’ve heard it explained like this:

 A rich man visited a large city in the United States. He observed one man who worked very hard in a large hotel. He was polite, he hurried to help people and was always busy.  After inquiring about the man he learned he had many children and a sick wife.  They were all very poor and were struggling to make ends meet.  This story touched the rich man’s heart and he wrote out a check for the man for $10,000 dollars.  Upon leaving the hotel he told the man how impressed he was with the hard work he did and wanted to make him a gift.  The man beamed proudly and took the check.

A week later, the hotel manager happened to enter the back room where the man had a small desk. There on the wall the man had framed the check and was displaying it proudly, he did not understand what it was worth.  The manager found the man and explained that he had to use the check and discover the richness of the man’s gift.

God’s promises are like that. We each individually have to use, or claim the promises to discover that like that check, they are of great value. God doesn’t lie, and He doesn’t change.

In that same church of my childhood we used to sing many encouraging songs.  A favorite of mine was, Standing on the Promises.  The message of that song is that with God’s Word and promises we can be secure, in the storms, through the storms and beyond. How thankful I am for that.  Today, I will wear my sturdy shoes, claim my verse for today and go out into my Saturday world. 

My plans are now, early morning, still before dawn, to attend my Weight Watchers meeting, go buy groceries, come home and load the truck up to go to the dump. A simple life, everyday tasks I love.  All the while, my inner soul will be standing on the promises in my sturdy shoes, praying that God will give me strength, wisdom and purpose.

To each of you in your Saturday world have a blessed day and may your journey take you to your own continued discovery of the power and comfort of the promises of God.

       

Day 84 The lull before the storm

Sunday today, just another day in paradise. Up, reading more through the book of Romans, trying to connect with more of how I can relate to the Bible. Yesterday afternoon, watched another In Touch television show with Charles Stanley.  He speaks in a level I can understand relating Scripture to real life in a way I can connect. The points that I took away from his message is that when you get real and serious with Jesus in your life, you will do things you've never done before, go places you've never been before, and give up things you've held to very tightly.

In my life, since people tell me things about themselves that are private, not-to-be shared, a lot of what happens to me I can't share.  It's as if on a spiritual level I connect with other people in moments of time, they move on and only God knows the what happens to them. It's strange in a weird sort of way.  My journey is mostly comprised of coming alongside someone elses journey just for a while, and moving on. 

Sunday school, me in a class mostly married folks trying to blend in sans husband. I find the less I talk the more I just kind of fade into the background. I find I am becoming very creative with paper folding. I can listen and focus on being quiet, my sympathy is aroused for the guys in the treatment center who have to listen to lectures over and over, sitting still being quiet isn't all that easy. Note to self, make lectures more interactive.

Church, and I play the organ, not well, just enough to blend in, (a theme perhaps).  After the music time I look for a seat and find myself in the foyer sitting besides another lady. We visit for while and a relative finds me to let me know a young man is wandering through the building. I find the young man, engage him in conversation and spend the next hour listening to his world. He is afraid I will judge him and I reassure him I won't, "People go through things I assure him." He continues to share until service is over. He is brought a meal and I go to find him a ride to his destination. He's walked over 12 miles to get to the church and has another 10 to get to a relatives house. He says he hasn't slept in days.

He thanks me for my time and I tell him I will pray for him.  Another chance encounter hopefully with some kind of renewed sense of purpose and at least a softening towards the things of God. I will not know in this lifetime.

I wait another two hours for a fund-raiser to be completed, dinner, dishes, clean-up and spend my time waiting  playing the piano in the sanctuary. Almost, but not quite I feel like singing again. I haven't sang for over three years and although I've been requested to sing again, the music is not quite in my soul yet.  Almost.

I'm at the library now, checking the times of a movie. I promised a grandson I would take him and he reminds me of the promise. Snug, wrapped up in sweater, sweatshirt, jeans and scarf much of me feels like going home, enjoying my recliner and enjoying the peaceful afternoon. Will my keeping this commitment mean anything in the space of this young person's life?  I don't know and I struggle with putting off the 15 mile drive to the theater and the 2.5 hours watching a predominately "guy flick".

Sigh, so much of life is a trade off of wanting to be "that" person for other people and being tempted to take comfort in the small things of life like watching a fragrant candle flicker on the fireplace mantle.

Sunday's are my lull before the storm of my week. Five full days of being busy, busy, busy and listening to so many different issues. The lull, the eye of the storm is a nice place to be but it is only for a while, Next to me flags wave in the breeze, barren trees reach their leafless branches to the sky and I must move on.

To those of you enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon, greetings. May your day be blessed with many moments and lulls of peace and comfort.  Tomorrow awaits, and a rest is needed. Be blessed.

Day 83 Walking on water

        As a child a reoccurring dream was that I could fly. Living in the country, we owned part of a beautiful hill that included eons of lawn on different levels. I scoured every inch of property, had paths through the woods, special trees I climbed, places where the wild ferns grew. In my flying dreams, I would be perched at different spots in that landscape, taking a jump and then miraculously lift off the ground and soar about, relishing the freedom.

        Now, decades past, I don’t dream of flying anymore. I don’t know why that is, whether some part of my soul has aged to the point where impossibilities cease to exist or what, I only know at night, I no longer fly.

        During my waking hours, realities press in upon me and I realize crunch time has come. During my years at college, crunch time meant, term papers were due, or finals were coming. It was time to get serious and buckle down. In my life, right now, it’s crunch time financially. I literally do not have enough money coming in to meet the basic bills. I’ve been depleting my savings until I’m up against the end. Working full time, at 62 I realize taking on another job is not an option. I do good at the job I have but by the end of my long day I’m tired, more often than not I fall asleep in the family room, sitting in my chair, wake up and realize I’d better go to bed so I can hear the alarm go off to get up for another day.

        So I’m left with several options, downsize, and/or find a second source of income making something. I’m not one of those women who fills their home with beautiful things they’ve made. I’m musical, I’m smart, but the “crafty” gene just didn’t come in my genetic make-up. I can’t take in laundry, (like in old books), I can’t open up a newspaper stand, shoe-shine chair, or any of the odd things people used to do to supplement their income.

        I know there are millions of other people out there just like me, wondering how they are going to keep the lights and water on, food on the table, and a roof over their head. It is a sign of the times that even employed people are feeling the pinch.

        So, what am I going to do?  Good question. I took home the medical/dental plan materials from work yesterday and looked at them longingly. For the last year or so, I haven’t had any insurance and the hope remains my health keeps on being good. If not, well, I’m one catastrophic illness away from being destitute. But, the insurance costs money, money I don’t have.

        I’m not alone in this I know, millions of people in American don’t have medical or dental insurance. We limp along, living with different things, broken teeth, aches and pains, hoping, praying something will change. World-wide, the picture gets grimmer, children without medicine, old people without food.

        So where does that leave me? Having a global sense of want, doesn’t resolve the current problem. Bankruptcy doesn’t pay electric and water bills, or put food on the table. So, looking at all my expenditures there are some things I can eliminate. I have two vehicles. One must go, even at a loss. I’ve never turned a car back to a dealer or bank before and that will be my last option. Foolish pride? Maybe. So I will face this and get on with it. Today, I will get help and spiffy up one of them. I will make a sign, visit a car lot and see if I can move on.

        I love television, a show or two now and then is entertaining. It costs about thirty dollars a month. It’s not a necessity. I could lose that. I don’t really need a cell phone. I’m paying twenty-five dollars a month on that. That’s fifty-five dollars there. I don’t qualify for any help from the government for food or medical so that will pretty much stay the same. I have pets, and I will try to find homes for them, their food costs money, and their licenses. I cut my own hair, don’t do my nails so I suppose my “beauty” costs are pretty nil.

        At work, people keep telling me I need new clothes. When I try to explain I’m on a limited budget, their eyes sort of glaze over and they move on to something else. I will continue to wash and wear the clothes I have and at least be clean.

        And most importantly I can pray.  I need a miracle from God to help me figure this out. It’s painful yes, but certainly not as painful as many people who face getting the news they have cancer, or some other fatal disease. It’s only stuff and it’s foolish that I should hold such attachment to things. It speaks to the fact my spiritual life still needs to be fine-tuned, to say the least.

        In the Bible, I like the story of Peter, impetuous, getting out of the boat to go to Jesus. Peter hadn’t walked on water before, it wasn’t in his vocabulary.  But, in the moment, he was so excited to see Jesus walking on the water he lost all sense of reality, as he knew it, and threw himself into the experience.  For me, now, facing this economic crisis, I will have to set aside personal wants and likes, and throw myself into the water believing that God will enable me to walk over these waves.

        When my faith wavers, I will reach out like Peter and say, “Lord, save me, I’m drowning!”  And God in His infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy will reach down and lift me up and set me in safety. 

        Recently someone said, don’t look at how big your mountain is, focus on how big your God is.  I am going to try to do that with the present issue. I will let you know how things work out, in hopes that my struggles will encourage you in your own struggles.

        One of the last things I will give up in my Weight Watchers meetings. I have gained so many helps for healthier living. I’ve lost thirty pounds, a family member has lost forty, and I’ve gained strength for the journey.

Being with other people trying to improve the quality of their health has been a wonderful experience. I’ve enjoyed the last six months immensely.

        Well, I’m off and about my day.  Think the beloved mini-van is the vehicle I’m choosing to sell. Silly of me to be so fond of it, but there have been so many happy outings with family, it’s like saying goodbye to an old friend.

        Best of everything to you for your weekend. May your mountains be faced with the assurance there is a God who hears and answers prayers, and may your joy come in the morning.

        Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For your Maker, is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies, I will gather you. And with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you.

Excerpts from Isaiah 54

Day 83 - Walking on water

        As a child a reoccurring dream was that I could fly. Living in the country, we owned part of a beautiful hill that included eons of lawn on different levels. I scoured every inch of property, had paths through the woods, special trees I climbed, places where the wild ferns grew. In my flying dreams, I would be perched at different spots in that landscape, taking a jump and then miraculously lift off the ground and soar about, relishing the freedom.

        Now, decades past, I don’t dream of flying anymore. I don’t know why that is, whether some part of my soul has aged to the point where impossibilities cease to exist or what, I only know at night, I no longer fly.

        During my waking hours, realities press in upon me and I realize crunch time has come. During my years at college, crunch time meant, term papers were due, or finals were coming. It was time to get serious and buckle down. In my life, right now, it’s crunch time financially. I literally do not have enough money coming in to meet the basic bills. I’ve been depleting my savings until I’m up against the end. Working full time, at 62 I realize taking on another job is not an option. I do good at the job I have but by the end of my long day I’m tired, more often than not I fall asleep in the family room, sitting in my chair, wake up and realize I’d better go to bed so I can hear the alarm go off to get up for another day.

        So I’m left with several options, downsize, and/or find a second source of income making something. I’m not one of those women who fills their home with beautiful things they’ve made. I’m musical, I’m smart, but the “crafty” gene just didn’t come in my genetic make-up. I can’t take in laundry, (like in old books), I can’t open up a newspaper stand, shoe-shine chair, or any of the odd things people used to do to supplement their income.

        I know there are millions of other people out there just like me, wondering how they are going to keep the lights and water on, food on the table, and a roof over their head. It is a sign of the times that even employed people are feeling the pinch.

        So, what am I going to do?  Good question. I took home the medical/dental plan materials from work yesterday and looked at them longingly. For the last year or so, I haven’t had any insurance and the hope remains my health keeps on being good. If not, well, I’m one catastrophic illness away from being destitute. But, the insurance costs money, money I don’t have.

        I’m not alone in this I know, millions of people in American don’t have medical or dental insurance. We limp along, living with different things, broken teeth, aches and pains, hoping, praying something will change. World-wide, the picture gets grimmer, children without medicine, old people without food.

        So where does that leave me? Having a global sense of want, doesn’t resolve the current problem. Bankruptcy doesn’t pay electric and water bills, or put food on the table. So, looking at all my expenditures there are some things I can eliminate. I have two vehicles. One must go, even at a loss. I’ve never turned a car back to a dealer or bank before and that will be my last option. Foolish pride? Maybe. So I will face this and get on with it. Today, I will get help and spiffy up one of them. I will make a sign, visit a car lot and see if I can move on.

        I love television, a show or two now and then is entertaining. It costs about thirty dollars a month. It’s not a necessity. I could lose that. I don’t really need a cell phone. I’m paying twenty-five dollars a month on that. That’s fifty-five dollars there. I don’t qualify for any help from the government for food or medical so that will pretty much stay the same. I have pets, and I will try to find homes for them, their food costs money, and their licenses. I cut my own hair, don’t do my nails so I suppose my “beauty” costs are pretty nil.

        At work, people keep telling me I need new clothes. When I try to explain I’m on a limited budget, their eyes sort of glaze over and they move on to something else. I will continue to wash and wear the clothes I have and at least be clean.

        And most importantly I can pray.  I need a miracle from God to help me figure this out. It’s painful yes, but certainly not as painful as many people who face getting the news they have cancer, or some other fatal disease. It’s only stuff and it’s foolish that I should hold such attachment to things. It speaks to the fact my spiritual life still needs to be fine-tuned, to say the least.

        In the Bible, I like the story of Peter, impetuous, getting out of the boat to go to Jesus. Peter hadn’t walked on water before, it wasn’t in his vocabulary.  But, in the moment, he was so excited to see Jesus walking on the water he lost all sense of reality, as he knew it, and threw himself into the experience.  For me, now, facing this economic crisis, I will have to set aside personal wants and likes, and throw myself into the water believing that God will enable me to walk over these waves.

        When my faith wavers, I will reach out like Peter and say, “Lord, save me, I’m drowning!”  And God in His infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy will reach down and lift me up and set me in safety. 

        Recently someone said, don’t look at how big your mountain is, focus on how big your God is.  I am going to try to do that with the present issue. I will let you know how things work out, in hopes that my struggles will encourage you in your own struggles.

        One of the last things I will give up in my Weight Watchers meetings. I have gained so many helps for healthier living. I’ve lost thirty pounds, a family member has lost forty, and I’ve gained strength for the journey.

Being with other people trying to improve the quality of their health has been a wonderful experience. I’ve enjoyed the last six months immensely.

        Well, I’m off and about my day.  Think the beloved mini-van is the vehicle I’m choosing to sell. Silly of me to be so fond of it, but there have been so many happy outings with family, it’s like saying goodbye to an old friend.

        Best of everything to you for your weekend. May your mountains be faced with the assurance there is a God who hears and answers prayers, and may your joy come in the morning.

        Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For your Maker, is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies, I will gather you. And with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you.

Excerpts from Isaiah 54

Day 83 - Walking on water

Day 83- Walking on water

        As a child a reoccurring dream was that I could fly. Living in the country, we owned part of a beautiful hill that included eons of lawn on different levels. I scoured every inch of property, had paths through the woods, special trees I climbed, places where the wild ferns grew. In my flying dreams, I would be perched at different spots in that landscape, taking a jump and then miraculously lift off the ground and soar about, relishing the freedom.

        Now, decades past, I don’t dream of flying anymore. I don’t know why that is, whether some part of my soul has aged to the point where impossibilities cease to exist or what, I only know at night, I no longer fly.

        During my waking hours, realities press in upon me and I realize crunch time has come. During my years at college, crunch time meant, term papers were due, or finals were coming. It was time to get serious and buckle down. In my life, right now, it’s crunch time financially. I literally do not have enough money coming in to meet the basic bills. I’ve been depleting my savings until I’m up against the end. Working full time, at 62 I realize taking on another job is not an option. I do good at the job I have but by the end of my long day I’m tired, more often than not I fall asleep in the family room, sitting in my chair, wake up and realize I’d better go to bed so I can hear the alarm go off to get up for another day.

        So I’m left with several options, downsize, and/or find a second source of income making something. I’m not one of those women who fills their home with beautiful things they’ve made. I’m musical, I’m smart, but the “crafty” gene just didn’t come in my genetic make-up. I can’t take in laundry, (like in old books), I can’t open up a newspaper stand, shoe-shine chair, or any of the odd things people used to do to supplement their income.

        I know there are millions of other people out there just like me, wondering how they are going to keep the lights and water on, food on the table, and a roof over their head. It is a sign of the times that even employed people are feeling the pinch.

        So, what am I going to do?  Good question. I took home the medical/dental plan materials from work yesterday and looked at them longingly. For the last year or so, I haven’t had any insurance and the hope remains my health keeps on being good. If not, well, I’m one catastrophic illness away from being destitute. But, the insurance costs money, money I don’t have.

        I’m not alone in this I know, millions of people in American don’t have medical or dental insurance. We limp along, living with different things, broken teeth, aches and pains, hoping, praying something will change. World-wide, the picture gets grimmer, children without medicine, old people without food.

        So where does that leave me? Having a global sense of want, doesn’t resolve the current problem. Bankruptcy doesn’t pay electric and water bills, or put food on the table. So, looking at all my expenditures there are some things I can eliminate. I have two vehicles. One must go, even at a loss. I’ve never turned a car back to a dealer or bank before and that will be my last option. Foolish pride? Maybe. So I will face this and get on with it. Today, I will get help and spiffy up one of them. I will make a sign, visit a car lot and see if I can move on.

        I love television, a show or two now and then is entertaining. It costs about thirty dollars a month. It’s not a necessity. I could lose that. I don’t really need a cell phone. I’m paying twenty-five dollars a month on that. That’s fifty-five dollars there. I don’t qualify for any help from the government for food or medical so that will pretty much stay the same. I have pets, and I will try to find homes for them, their food costs money, and their licenses. I cut my own hair, don’t do my nails so I suppose my “beauty” costs are pretty nil.

        At work, people keep telling me I need new clothes. When I try to explain I’m on a limited budget, their eyes sort of glaze over and they move on to something else. I will continue to wash and wear the clothes I have and at least be clean.

        And most importantly I can pray.  I need a miracle from God to help me figure this out. It’s painful yes, but certainly not as painful as many people who face getting the news they have cancer, or some other fatal disease. It’s only stuff and it’s foolish that I should hold such attachment to things. It speaks to the fact my spiritual life still needs to be fine-tuned, to say the least.

        In the Bible, I like the story of Peter, impetuous, getting out of the boat to go to Jesus. Peter hadn’t walked on water before, it wasn’t in his vocabulary.  But, in the moment, he was so excited to see Jesus walking on the water he lost all sense of reality, as he knew it, and threw himself into the experience.  For me, now, facing this economic crisis, I will have to set aside personal wants and likes, and throw myself into the water believing that God will enable me to walk over these waves.

        When my faith wavers, I will reach out like Peter and say, “Lord, save me, I’m drowning!”  And God in His infinite wisdom, kindness and mercy will reach down and lift me up and set me in safety. 

        Recently someone said, don’t look at how big your mountain is, focus on how big your God is.  I am going to try to do that with the present issue. I will let you know how things work out, in hopes that my struggles will encourage you in your own struggles.

        One of the last things I will give up in my Weight Watchers meetings. I have gained so many helps for healthier living. I’ve lost thirty pounds, a family member has lost forty, and I’ve gained strength for the journey.

Being with other people trying to improve the quality of their health has been a wonderful experience. I’ve enjoyed the last six months immensely.

        Well, I’m off and about my day.  Think the beloved mini-van is the vehicle I’m choosing to sell. Silly of me to be so fond of it, but there have been so many happy outings with family, it’s like saying goodbye to an old friend.

        Best of everything to you for your weekend. May your mountains be faced with the assurance there is a God who hears and answers prayers, and may your joy come in the morning.

        Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame. For your Maker, is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies, I will gather you. And with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you.

Excerpts from Isaiah 54