Day 88 - a new adventure awaits

Awake, with the awareness that I have been driven over the past few years by projects, plans, and purposes. That always, there have been goals set before my face towards which I have directed my energies, resources and passions. For this moment of time I am stepping out of those ebbing tides to step back and assess. I want to ask the question, “What am I doing for the rest of my life?”

Yesterday, lecturing to a room of about 40 men in treatment, I tried to   communicate to them the concept of, “What if?”  After having met all of them, hearing their names, ages, County of origin, maybe why they were there, or drugs of choice, I looked out over a sea of tired, young/old faces and realized the depth of despair represented in their corporate mass. How dare I even attempt to engage them in some kind of motivating dialog?  Well, number one and foremost, I believe that God can indwell my feeble self, reason, intellect and infuse me with a greater wisdom and ability to reach into the lives of the people I work with. So, bathed in prayer, hopefully steeped in a sense of dependence upon a power greater then myself, I tried to communicate.

I saw a few connections in the eyes of the men I spoke with. A few tears, a few glimmers of hope, a few seeds of daring to believe that maybe, this time, things might be different; that this time, they could follow through and not return to drugs and lives of crime.

I value being able to speak to the men, to try to motivate them to change, but much of me longs to be able to share the power, purpose, passion of the message of the redemptive love of Jesus. The anemic message of HP, (Higher Power), watered-down, politically correct, falls short of what I know they need.  Fortunately, I know if I encourage them to seek, to attend church, Celebrate Recovery meetings, they will connect with the message of hope in Christ Jesus. I am only planting seeds that someone else will water.

So here I am on a Saturday morning, drinking coffee, caught up in a spiral of wondering, “What will I do for the rest of my life?” I like the verses in Psalms, “You will show me the path of life, in your presence is fullness of joy.”  In Proverbs, this is one of my favorite verses, “Your Word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path.” As a hiker, I love spending time exploring deep into the mountains and forest. Being possessed of great stamina, I can hike for hours, resting here and there, drinking in the scenery. Sometimes, the lure of the trail draws me further and further until I realize that unprepared for overnight camping I must turn and go back down the trail. Any number of times, the sinking sun has brought shadows and I’ve found myself carefully watching my steps as darkness falls. The fact of the matter is, it’s dangerous to be up in the mountains and trying to find your way in the dark, there are too many rocks, bumps, roots in the trail that at any time can send you tumbling over a cliff for a nasty fall.

It’s the same way with life. There are twists and bends in the road, new vistas ahead which can beckon, but in a very real sense you need to keep your wits about you or you can end up chasing elusive rainbows that end up in disaster. Now, on the cusp of getting old, still in the throes of excellent health, and so much energy, I’m tempted to seek adventure. Hilarious but true. I have a challenging job now, but it’s secure. I’m in a union, I have seniority, and I’m at the top of the chart for achieving client engagement.  If I want to stay there, I’m not going anywhere soon.

However, the call, the desire of my heart is to be a ‘fisher of men’ (and women).  I feel hindered in working in a secular, non-partisan treatment center where I cannot tell people about the message of salvation through Jesus Christ. The door is open to bring in Bibles and Christian books, which I have done through the generous donations of my church. I can have Christian plaques on the wall of my office, but unless someone asks me about my faith, I am obligated to not tell them. I have the ethical constraints of our agency, and our Department of Corrections contract where freedom of religion is guaranteed through the Constitution of the United States, and respect of culture and belief systems are guaranteed.

Within those constraints I can’t help wondering, “Am I in any way a light for the lost? A voice crying in the wilderness this way towards hope and healing?”

Earlier in my life, my desire to be in ministry was blocked by barriers of my past mistakes.  Now, time, age, and training has somewhat eliminated those barriers. I realize I could go out into the world and be involved in missions. There is a world of people, old, young, suffering, addicted who could benefit from my compassion, knowledge and training. As my obligations to others decreases here in the United States, I could go, I could serve.

Like many of you reading this, I struggle with knowing what  the will of God is for my life. Understanding what part our will has in determining where we’re supposed to be is crucial. Knowing what part open doors play in defining opportunity is also a component. More importantly, having the strong awareness of what our own part is in seeking those pathways, looking for those avenues, and understanding when we should follow our  desires is an ongoing challenge. When are we to “bloom where we’re planted?”  When are we to seek out new avenues of service?

Well, right now, in my life that’s where I’m at. Trying to be the best I can where I’m at, but building up to the awareness that very possibly I’m ready to let go of the ties here, and go to a foreign country.  I don’t know if the ‘foreign country’ is going to be an inter-city mission in the United States, or somewhere far away in a third world country, but I sense it is coming.  I am getting ready. I am still working on getting fit, modifying my diet and exercise plans. I am still in the process of downsizing my material possessions. Room by room, closet by closet. Maybe someday, I will be down to a suitcase, we’ll see.

I can’t help smiling at this moment. I’ve always loved adventures and I know one is right around the corner. I will keep you posted as to what I discover on my own pathway. One thing I know, these last few years have not been dull, that’s not been in the vocabulary of my life. They’ve been difficult, they’ve been challenging but never dull. God has sustained me, strengthened me, and enable me to cope with people and places I never would have imagined possible.

I challenge each of you reading this to discover, “What does God have in your future?” Are there purposes and plans you never could have imagined?  If you keep trusting, if you keep believing, if you keep being willing, God is looking for people who will help in His ultimate purposes and plans. The fields are white unto harvest, are you willing to go? Have a wonderful day and be blessed. What is your next adventure???