...Joy Comes In the Morning: Day 55 A Lull

Woke up today before five am. It's dark outside, and the distant sound of occasional cars making their way through the night comes through my window. I feel a strange calm this am. I'm not hungry, not looking to get my morning coffee, just an awareness I'm alive and the cool early morning air is coming through my window.

I read my daily devotionals and they are somehow flat, the words lay on the page like so much ink spilled out and left much like the first fall leaves, now brown crisps laying on the dry, Indian summer baked ground. My Bible reading, also dry read amid text I've underlined and highlighted in the past, but now read doesn't resonate with my soul to the same degree of fervor.

I know spiritual seasons come and go. There are times when God "feels" close, and the sense of His presence permeates my days. And, there are days like today where I feel alone, perched on this edge of the universe, myself, my cats, dogs and a siren piercing the dawn's darkness. Where is God? Did He change? No, it's my human heart, worn down by work, disappointments with family and friends and needing renewal.

My walking companion told me yesterday on our daily noon hiking time, "You should give up your trips to the ocean and mountains and invest that money in ways to sustain your family if disaster comes." I tried to explain, that my away times to nature are my times to recoup, to refresh, to renew. To find in nature my spiritual roots that have become dry and brittle in the the daily grind of working with people. This morning I wonder, "Can I just keep working 24-7 and still maintain that vital, vibrant connection to God and life?"

In the Bible, Jesus went to the hills, seashore, and gardens to pray, and be alone. If He needed time away, is it insanity to even suppose I can keep going at a fever pitch and still have my spiritual self in good health, mentally, spiritually, emotionally?

I don't know, I think perhaps for me, the constant strain of listening, talking with people drains my emotional reserves, and I must recharge, much like my laptop. Nothing, too terribly mystical, just part and parcel of the human condition.

As a younger person, when a lull in my spiritual life would come, I made bad choices. I would drift away from my spiritual center and wander off. Now, in the later part of my life, I will not create chaos by wandering away from my life principles. I will, hopefully do the chores and errands I need to do and then run to the mountains or ocean to drink deeply in the scent of trees, and water and majestic vastness. To pray, to seek God's face and rediscover my enthusiasm for life, my job and my family.

There's a line from an old song running through my head, "running on empty...." That's me this am, running on empty. I know next week looms ahead with it's lectures, groups, clients, family, friends, and challenges. If I ignore my needs this weekend I run the risk of facing next week with a barren soul, unable to love unconditionally individuals who by in large are used to taking, taking, taking. And so, I make a commitment to myself, now, early before the day begins. I will take time for my self-care, which includes getting away. Can I afford it financially? No. But can I afford not to? No!

To each of you, wherever you are, remember you cannot be your best, if you don't take time to rest. In the hurry, hurry pace most of us live, this seems like an old, out of date homily. A little Ben Franklinism, out of a time where vitamins, positive thinking, and energy drinks didn't exist. It is still a message to our hearts and souls today............ take a Sabbath rest to renew your soul. God is still there, prayer changes things, but we are human and a time away will do wonders for me, (and you) to face life with a positive spirit, a solid faith, renewed vision and purpose.