Day 78 – Christmas Eve – a time to reflect

 

 

Yesterday, I talked about accepting the fact my house will not be spotless in this lifetime.  Today, I woke up at 3 am and started cleaning a fact I can only attribute to someone, somewhere praying that God would infuse me with new life and energy for housecleaning. Awake, pitch dark, I see the shadow of the people across the street, also awake walking through their home. Another neighbor, celebrating Christmas early has stay over guests parked in front of my house.  Sometimes this is a good thing if the celebrations involve drinking, one less drinking driver on the highways.

And so now, day ahead the memories of Christmas past hover on the horizon of my mind. I was so fortunate to have a family who celebrated Christmas.  Decorations, special food, lots of presents, I was rich with family and holiday spirit.  I realize, my own holiday spirit is less than normal, I accept that money might play a part and I try to recoup the wonder and mystery I felt as a child watching the story of the birth of Jesus unfold in Christmas pageants’, films, and Scripture readings.

The story of Baby Jesus, the shepherds and wise men is rich with imagery that evokes a spirit of hope and belief that God sent His Son to live with us and understand what we experience.  It is less easy to consider the cross, crucifixion, death and burial of that same Jesus.  Somehow the Christmas story is usually told apart from that same message of redemption where Jesus arises from the death, speaks to His disciples, rises to heaven with the promise to return.

Christmas Eve, a time of expectation for many.  For others, a blue time of facing the harder things of life, death, disease, poverty, divorce, abuse. I am, this year, a spectator of sorts; doing what I can to connect with family yet really not reaching out to others. I believe in my heart of hearts, that soon, a door will open and I will step through that door into full time service helping people in another country.  It is a persistent belief, born from the small child’s heart that heard missionary stories and went forward to the altar of the small Baptist Church to say, “Here and I, send me.”

I may discover, it is only a wish and dream but for now it feels like everything I am doing in my job is preparation for a bigger mission field. My mother lived to 91 and had good health up until the last year of her life. At 62 I am blessed with extremely good health and strength so only God knows.  I do know the awareness grows of the disparity of quality of life and a sense of wishing I could do something pervades my thoughts.

And back to now. I did not finish my work, so I have to drive 63 miles to my job, finish the reports, race to the stores and buy last minute gifts and food for Christmas dinner. I know and am aware how fortunate I am to be able to have a job in this time of high unemployment. I am truly blessed.  As the reports come in at my small church of cancer, and disease, I realize how fortunate I am to celebrate health now. As someone grateful for the birth of a Savior who lives to give us new life, I am forever celebrating Christmas.  Thank you Jesus.

Today if you are reading this my hopes are that you know the love of Jesus in your own life.  Without Jesus, the trials and disappointments of life can threaten to overwhelm and discourage. Without Jesus the future can look bleak and filled with despair. With Jesus, the darkest night can miraculously turn into dawn, the weeping of night can someday turn into joy in the morning. Have a blessed Christmas Eve.